FAQ/Help |
Calendar |
Search |
Veteran Member
Member Since Aug 2020
Location: LA
Posts: 528
3 268 hugs
given |
#1
I am very frustrated with my boss lately. What hurts me the most is that I am a very contentious person... and so I think i will be rewarded for that, but somehow, I never am and I don't understand.
I used to have a male and somewhat abusive boss. I wanted a female for the next one, but I got another male. He was told to be the nicest in the world but... from where I am sitting it makes no difference. before our meetings he used to prepare. My job was to prepare the meeting. Now, 1 minute before the meeting starts he will be lobbing questions at me. The problem.. I am already IN the meeting preparing it for him. He must know this... he simply doesn't care. To check these things, he simply has to pull up a "cheat sheet" i have prepared for him... (why do I bother with that if he isn't going read it) instead, he e-mails me... . It makes me feel like he has decided I am his "minion" that should be doing this for him... like a lower human being... like a handmaiden. he is doing this now with regard to things I send him. I used to send him memos and, he is supposed to read them and tell me what he wants to do, now, he asks me what they are all bout. It is specifically NOT part of my job to read them. No only because I don't always understand but I don't have the time allotted to read them. Plus what if I make a mistake? I can't get over the laziness. Again it makes me feel like he refuses to do any work and presumes I am a lower form of life that should be summarizing these thing for him. And if he isn't going to be reading it and relying on me... I could skip like 4 steps. He is also doing things like, I send him memos when they come in and then 4 weeks later when he is supposed to look at them.. asking me to resend. We do this thing called duty. I am very specifically only to be contacted during working hours. If something comes up past that time, they are to call him directly. We send out a memo and everything. And I always have him poof it before it goes out. This weekend I get a text from him, as if it was working hours. I gently tried to make him remember I don't work on the weekends.. but he kept pushing. I finally told him that I would complete this duty but no more. He of course lied and acted as if this had never come up before (I have only worked for him for 7 years) but then, I was waiting around for him to complete the issue (as I told him I could complete this thing) and he completed it without telling me. Wasting hours on a weekend. Finally our duty has been triple the work lately. I have mentioned it is hard to keep up with. He asked me to get statistics on it.. which I did, which was again, more work, but once I got the stats he goes "wow" I can't believe the work I am getting. This straight up infuriated me. First, this would of course be a good time to say, wow, I can't believe the work we are getting thank you all that you are doing on this... but no.. sometimes we have unexpected events that we must fit in... lately he has been so annoying about it... picking times that he should know, simply will not work for every one.. so I set up a meeting at the time, and at the last minute they are not ready so I have to do it all again. It is possible he is in the running for a promotion in the next few months, but I am very annoyed. And I am not sure what to do if anything. Is he acting like this because he thinks he is getting the promotion? Assuming that isn't happening how do I nicely complain. I am bad at push back. What really bothers me most is that it feels like abuse. Like he has decided (like my old boss) that I am the ONE person that doesn't have to be respected or considered and so he is no longer doing that. I am afraid to say what i feel but I am too old not to nip this in the bud right now. |
Reply With Quote |
divine1966, RoxanneToto
|
Grand Member
Member Since Jan 2021
Location: On a raindrop far, far away
Posts: 871
3 2,208 hugs
given |
#2
Sounds like you should send out your resume... does not sound like abuse to me.. just sounds like you hate your job and you should move on..
|
Reply With Quote |
Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,526
(SuperPoster!)
9 1,280 hugs
given |
#3
I don’t think quitting ones job is always doable. State pension or retirement plans or some other perks might be tied with it and quitting will jeopardize that
|
Reply With Quote |
Grand Member
Member Since Jan 2021
Location: On a raindrop far, far away
Posts: 871
3 2,208 hugs
given |
#4
Yes, true, but I have not yet had the patience to stick with such a job. Can you talk with someone to get a different manager?
|
Reply With Quote |
Member
Member Since Jun 2015
Location: US
Posts: 340
8 2 hugs
given |
#5
__________________ The Universe needs an Ace |
Reply With Quote |
AliceKate
|
Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,526
(SuperPoster!)
9 1,280 hugs
given |
#6
|
Reply With Quote |
Member
Member Since Jun 2015
Location: US
Posts: 340
8 2 hugs
given |
#7
__________________ The Universe needs an Ace |
Reply With Quote |
Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,526
(SuperPoster!)
9 1,280 hugs
given |
#8
Quote:
I am just surprised with suggestions which aren’t really realistic: quit your job, ask for a different manager. It’s not always possible. I personally could never just quit a job. Not affordable. |
|
Reply With Quote |
Grand Member
Member Since Jan 2021
Location: On a raindrop far, far away
Posts: 871
3 2,208 hugs
given |
#9
Quote:
|
|
Reply With Quote |
Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,526
(SuperPoster!)
9 1,280 hugs
given |
#10
Quote:
OP didn’t say she hates her job, she was just ranting about her annoying boss. I hope she comes back and explains if she can and if she should leave her job or request different manager. |
|
Reply With Quote |
AliceKate
|
Veteran Member
Member Since Aug 2020
Location: LA
Posts: 528
3 268 hugs
given |
#11
Quote:
I am still waiting on the potential about the promotion. He has been horrible lately. I would sit him down for a chat but I am trying not to do that if he is getting a promotion. Here is another example... sometimes he will ask me to ask someone else a question... he seems to think the answer will be provided in seconds. But, by phone or by e-mail.. it is probably going to take about 20 minutes -- even if everyone is paying attention and available. So if he sends an e-mail saying will you ask "X" about "X" I don't respond until I have an answer. Well a couple of weeks ago I get this e-mail that just says this ???????????????????????????????????????????????/ 1. First, for the life of me I couldn't figure out what the e-mail was about so that took a moment. 2. Then it dawned on me, this was a flippant and rude way of suggesting that I was somehow leaving him hanging. 3. I was not leaving him hanging, it had been 20 minutes. I responded and said, I just hadn't received a response yet. This would have been the same by phone or e-mail.. people don't want around at their desks in case you ask a question. 4. WHAT THE HECK. Implicit in that e-mail is the idea that he doesn't trust that I am doing my job or trying to get an answer. I have worked for him for 7 years and have never left him hanging. He should assume - I am working on it. If it is too slow, he should send me an e-mail like, can you impress on X i need an answer.... 5. The hair went up on the back of my neck, this is just what my old boss used to do all the time.... There is just no excuse for that. I am still waiting to see if he is going to get the promotion -- I just don't see how he isn't going to but it could be a year.... Trying to remain calm |
|
Reply With Quote |
Human
Member Since Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,356
(SuperPoster!)
10 1,275 hugs
given |
#12
Quote:
Maybe he just needs more communication? Maybe he feels like he's not getting communication from you so he sort of bears down. You could try proactively communicating so he maybe learns some trust and backs off. I'm not suggesting you are wrong or doing anything wrong. Just suggesting a way to change the relationship. __________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
|
Reply With Quote |
NatalieJastrow
|
NatalieJastrow
|
Veteran Member
Member Since Aug 2020
Location: LA
Posts: 528
3 268 hugs
given |
#13
Quote:
Here also I don't take issue with him checking, I take issue with the rude and disrespectful way he sent an e-mail with all question marks like a spiteful little brat. You just don't send out things like that dripping with attitude. You say -- did you hear from "X" yet? - "Did you hear anything?" |
|
Reply With Quote |
Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,526
(SuperPoster!)
9 1,280 hugs
given |
#14
Omg so rude. ???? Childish. Question marks smh
Oh I know you can’t just leave. I mainly responded to people who were saying you should just quit. It’s not that simple. I don’t understand people being so impatient they have to be rude. I got a nasty gram recently from a person because I took too long to respond. I arrived to work and wasn’t allowed in because I had fever (I wasn’t vaccinated at that point yet). So I emailed her that I have to get on a road drive to my doctors office. And the person was mad when a half an hour later I still didn’t respond. Like I can email or text while driving. My doctor is an hour drive from work. Annoying |
Reply With Quote |
NatalieJastrow
|
NatalieJastrow
|
Human
Member Since Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,356
(SuperPoster!)
10 1,275 hugs
given |
#15
Quote:
I don't really know him or the full situation - you can only know so much from a forum post - but I would often recommend just having an open discussion with a boss at this point and figuring out the best lines/means of communication and also that disrespectful communication does not inspire better work from me. I'd probably say, I want to do the best I can to support you and your work, and I cannot do that when I'm receiving disrespectful communications or communication that includes sarcasm, etc. Sometimes you can have that conversation, if you can leave your hurt feelings out of it (which is really hard), but if it's going to be too emotional, it would only backfire. __________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
|
Reply With Quote |
Veteran Member
Member Since Aug 2020
Location: LA
Posts: 528
3 268 hugs
given |
#16
Quote:
I am also taking a vacation in a few weeks so I hope that the space / needing to work with someone else during the vacation who is covering for me -- might make him more normal. It is also difficult to have a sit down now in the age of corona where I am at home. |
|
Reply With Quote |
Veteran Member
Member Since Aug 2020
Location: LA
Posts: 528
3 268 hugs
given |
#17
I tell you I am seriously considering quitting my job.
What is getting to me is the absolute pettiness of the situation. I am on vacation this week and one of the worst parts of going on vacation is that there are always like a zillion little threads to my job and when you try to take time off, some of them are going to get missed. It is in part due to the fact that some steps have to happen for things to be done. But this vacation I am lucky to have someone I trust covering for me. But still I had to prep her on the job and that took about 2 hours on Friday. So yesterday, there was a meeting and a piece of paperwork was not in the file. Now the paperwork was done or one of the attendees would not have been there. However, my boss actually stated to the person covering for me that the meeting would have to be cancelled because the paperwork was not in the file. WHAT? Since when has that been necessary? Paperwork not being done, ok but not being in the file? I can easily put it in the file when I return. Also, if he had cancelled the meeting that would have just punished me? I would have to set the meeting up again and the hard work to do at least 50 things would have been for nothing. The person covering for me just got the paperwork -- she told me about it because she wanted me to know she "saved me" in a nice way. But it just made me FURIOUS. There was no need for me to be saved. I have done everything for my boss, worked very hard, and the "requirements" just keep getting ratcheted up. Only for me. When my friend who is covering suggested that I had given her the paperwork but she just hadn't put it in the file yet, the response... "oh ok no problem" It is only ME.. that he is constantly taking to task for everything and being ridiculous with. I am just done with this workplace, DONE. I am cleaning off my resume. |
Reply With Quote |
Member
Member Since Jun 2015
Location: US
Posts: 340
8 2 hugs
given |
#18
Quote:
__________________ The Universe needs an Ace |
|
Reply With Quote |
Grand Magnate
Member Since Jan 2014
Location: US
Posts: 4,888
10 3,790 hugs
given |
#19
Your boss sounds like he sucks. What's he going to do if he gets his promotion and you aren't there to do his work? I worked for someone who would complain if I didn't cc: him on every email. I would cc: him and he would tell me I was sending too many emails. I would stop cc:ing and he would go back to complaining about not being kept in the loop. There was no winning.
|
Reply With Quote |
Veteran Member
Member Since Aug 2020
Location: LA
Posts: 528
3 268 hugs
given |
#20
Quote:
If he gets the promotion I don't think I will be going with him. Though it may look to others like he fired me if I don't go, I have grown to dislike him. He is being ridiculous. Later in the week, he got a submission and went round and round and round with his employees about the fact that the meeting "wasn't in the scheduling book." (ie... Natalie f***** up) When he finally sent the e-mail to the friend that was covering for me... she pointed out (as thankfully I had told her) he told me NOT to schedule until we had received all the submissions. Wrong again dude. His response to her.... (a stranger he wants to impress) ... you are 100% right. I doubt I would have received that response. I am trying to consider how to proceed until either he or I get another job. If I am going to be taken to task for absolutely everything I might as well make it difficult on him... so I am looking at that. |
|
Reply With Quote |
Reply |
|