advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 05-19-2021, 07:32 PM   #1
NeedHelp104
Member
NeedHelp104 has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2017
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 98
3 yr Member
11 hugs
given
Default I ruined my life

I graduated with a straight-A average in College (3.91 GPA). To make a long story short, I was enrolled in a degree program and had to end up leaving because program director was altering my evaluations and making it a toxic environment. Because I had the necessary documentation to successfully win a court case, I was given a degree in a similar field to keep things quiet by a school administrator who believed my end of the case. Well, turns out the degree I was given is absolutely worthless and that everything I worked hard for means nothing. I ended up graduating top 5% of my class and I don't care because it isn't valued at all. Only job(s) I can afford to get requires at least a HS diploma and the degree I was given is nothing short of a 'stepping stone' major.

I am upset because I wasted my entire youth doing school. I had no friends. I had no social life. I developed no outside interests, because I learned to plug formulas in or always studying my entire life away. I am 24 and I have such regret that hopelessness weighs me down every day. I've never been on a date because I was too preoccupied with excelling in school that proved to not benefit me at all career-wise. People my age are dating, getting married, have semi-decent careers and I am nothing but a worthless failure.

Only options now are to apply for graduate school and go from there. Problem? More money = more debt = more school. At this point, I'm so over school that I don't want to go back and study more, have no life, and breathe and live school again. I want a job and get my life started. I might as well have never went to College because I'm not proud of myself at all.

Done with the vent. Just continued to be disappointed everyday. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, because the feeling you worked (your life) for to only end up with nothing is absolutely the worst feeling in the world.
NeedHelp104 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote

advertisement
Old 05-19-2021, 08:00 PM   #2
seesaw
Human
 
seesaw's Avatar
seesaw grieving
 
Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 7,944 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
1,098 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: I ruined my life

That's really terrible, and I'm sorry this happened to you.

Do you want to share what your degree is and what it is you'd like to do, and maybe we can help you think of ways to get into that? For what it's worth, my masters is in dance, and now I am a medical researcher. So I know all about shifting and reframing to get jobs.
__________________


What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
seesaw is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 05-19-2021, 08:08 PM   #3
Sometimes psychotic
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Sometimes psychotic's Avatar
Sometimes psychotic Typo queen !
 
Member Since: May 2013
Location: Chicago
Posts: 24,676 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
21.5k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: I ruined my life

If its any kind of science other than social sciences then usually the school will pay you to work for them, ie chemistry biology etc where you TA or RA for you tuition and benefits.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
__________________
Hugs!
Sometimes psychotic is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 05-19-2021, 08:37 PM   #4
NeedHelp104
Member
NeedHelp104 has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2017
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 98
3 yr Member
11 hugs
given
Default Re: I ruined my life

Quote:
Originally Posted by seesaw View Post
That's really terrible, and I'm sorry this happened to you.

Do you want to share what your degree is and what it is you'd like to do, and maybe we can help you think of ways to get into that? For what it's worth, my masters is in dance, and now I am a medical researcher. So I know all about shifting and reframing to get jobs.
How did you do that? Please tell me your journey to give me hope,
NeedHelp104 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 05-19-2021, 08:56 PM   #5
leomama
Grand Magnate
 
leomama's Avatar
leomama has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 4,679
5 yr Member
175 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: I ruined my life

I can relate but not so much in the career field . Thanks for expressing the sentiment I struggle with .

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
leomama is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 05-20-2021, 12:23 AM   #6
seesaw
Human
 
seesaw's Avatar
seesaw grieving
 
Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 7,944 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
1,098 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: I ruined my life

Quote:
Originally Posted by NeedHelp104 View Post
How did you do that? Please tell me your journey to give me hope,
Well, one of the ways is I kept taking jobs that were overlapping in fields until I had moved and overlapped so much I was in an entirely different industry.

I had an MFA in dance, and I took a job in arts administration in fundraising. I was a sustainable streets advocate as my own interest, and took my fundraising skills and moved to an environmental nonprofit. I picked up new skills throughout my career and sort of networked my way into writing grants for a well established medical researcher, who mentored me into my scientist career. I know own a business that consults with medical researchers to raise money for their research, and I participate as a research associate in different areas of research. Like I said, throughout my career I've done a lot of professional development to learn new skills.

But at the beginning maybe you can look at where you want to be, what skills and education you have, and plot out the trajectory to get there?

What degree do you have and what exactly do you want to do?

Just know, not everyone takes a straight line to where they are meant to be. I am exactly where I should have ended up, and in my 40s trying to get into a doctoral program so I can lead research studies. I started out as a dancer. Even though I guess I technically don't "use" my MFA in dance, you can bet that the skills I learned as an artist, I really do use those every day.
__________________


What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
seesaw is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 05-21-2021, 06:00 AM   #7
Marie123
Member
Marie123 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2011
Posts: 310
10 yr Member
4 hugs
given
Default Re: I ruined my life

I am so sorry......what job would you like, or what interests you? I don't think you have ruined your life; perhaps you could frame it in another way, such as.......what I did, did not turn out the way I expected, and now I have to make different decisions. At 24, you probably have a long life to live. You should be proud of yourself for working so hard! You said that you are so over school, so now you can try and figure out what you really want to do. You can begin to make friends and have a social life. Life has disappointments and roadblocks, but we can decide how to cope with them (I know it is hard). I don't say any of this to minimize how you feel, but that you will feel a little hopeful. I am 74......If you could do anything you wanted to, what would it be?
Marie123 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 05-21-2021, 02:12 PM   #8
TheLifeFantastic
Member
 
TheLifeFantastic's Avatar
TheLifeFantastic Loading...
 
Member Since: Apr 2015
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 69
5 yr Member
23 hugs
given
Default Re: I ruined my life

Oh man that is hard place to be in. When I was about 25 years old I got fired from my job (Totally my fault). That made finding another place to work very hard to find. Oddly enough, my friends ended up getting degrees that they considered worthless. So they went through a coding bootcamp and ended up making more than I did with a degree. I eventually went through the camp, and spent about 6 years programming (I got paid more than what I had my degree in).

I guess what I'm saying is there are different ways to educate yourself if your looking into maybe doing something else than what your degree is. I don't know what your resources are for accessing such programs, but I would look into them if you are looking for something.
__________________
How is your life today?
TheLifeFantastic is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 05-23-2021, 02:30 PM   #9
Marigioshi
Account Suspended
 
Marigioshi's Avatar
Marigioshi has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2021
Location: USA
Posts: 8
Default Re: I ruined my life

It's never too late to make new friends. I believe that the biggest problem you have is your perspective over things.
Marigioshi is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 06-02-2021, 11:56 AM   #10
where did my joy go
New Member
where did my joy go has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jun 2021
Location: Ohio
Posts: 4
Default Re: I ruined my life

Quote:
Originally Posted by seesaw View Post
Well, one of the ways is I kept taking jobs that were overlapping in fields until I had moved and overlapped so much I was in an entirely different industry.

I had an MFA in dance, and I took a job in arts administration in fundraising. I was a sustainable streets advocate as my own interest, and took my fundraising skills and moved to an environmental nonprofit. I picked up new skills throughout my career and sort of networked my way into writing grants for a well established medical researcher, who mentored me into my scientist career. I know own a business that consults with medical researchers to raise money for their research, and I participate as a research associate in different areas of research. Like I said, throughout my career I've done a lot of professional development to learn new skills.

But at the beginning maybe you can look at where you want to be, what skills and education you have, and plot out the trajectory to get there?

What degree do you have and what exactly do you want to do?

Just know, not everyone takes a straight line to where they are meant to be. I am exactly where I should have ended up, and in my 40s trying to get into a doctoral program so I can lead research studies. I started out as a dancer. Even though I guess I technically don't "use" my MFA in dance, you can bet that the skills I learned as an artist, I really do use those every day.
Thank you for the hope.
where did my joy go is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 07-08-2021, 06:52 AM   #11
lovableball
Junior Member
lovableball has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2021
Location: Bristol
Posts: 11
12 hugs
given
Default Re: I ruined my life

Hi @NeedHelp104, I know it's been a minute but I've been binging through these forums recently. That's a pretty rough situation to be in and I can fully understand your pain in a way. I had a similar traumatic experience in the academe. I was part of the honors roll for an Ivy League school and was honestly running for Valedictorian, but one professor sabotaged my chance because of personal issues. He failed me during my first semester of senior year, thus erasing all the progress I've ever made since 1st year. I went into a very deep spiral of depression and I ended up dropping out completely. I felt like that was the lowest point of my life too.

I was similar to you in so many ways, I only had one friend–who was studying for a different degree and we couldn't meet that often. I would be fully immersed in my studies and do nothing but that. I get what you feel because we were in a similar position 10 years ago. I fought tooth and nail for that Business Economics degree that sometimes, still haunts me. I was 21 at the time, unfinished, lost, and unequivocally depressed. But as much as I hate these optimistic three words: it gets better.

The academe can only equip you with so many skills, it can just get you through doors and interviews–but it doesn't land you the job. Ultimately, that piece of paper was not the sole definition of my entire being. I ended up taking up another course where I graduated at 28 with a degree I didn't know I would love (European Studies).

You're young and still full of potential, and that 3.91 GPA is a testament to that. This world and culture your generation has built are filled with so many opportunities. I'm not going to try and stir you towards false positivity though. I know it's hard; you probably feel robbed and drained. Talk to people on this forum, I also personally use BetterHelp (an app affiliated with this forum) because no amount of investment is too much for your mental health. When your mind is in a tough spot; every other part of you falters. I wish nothing but the best for you.

If you're looking for things to keep you occupied, try to take up a monetizable hobby. If you're artistic in any way, you can create arts and crafts that you can sell on Etsy, you can enter the writing industry for that falls within your degree, you can also go down the hard lane of e-commerce or something as lucrative as selling on Shopify–you just need to read through guides and other online resources similar to articles like this to get you started.

I believe in you stranger, you can do this. Reach out if things get too heavy, we'll share the load with you. xoxo
lovableball is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 07-09-2021, 10:45 PM   #12
mssweatypalms
Member
 
mssweatypalms's Avatar
mssweatypalms is searching for something.
 
Member Since: May 2021
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 226 (SuperPoster!)
441 hugs
given
Default Re: I ruined my life

Quote:
Originally Posted by NeedHelp104 View Post
I graduated with a straight-A average in College (3.91 GPA). To make a long story short, I was enrolled in a degree program and had to end up leaving because program director was altering my evaluations and making it a toxic environment. Because I had the necessary documentation to successfully win a court case, I was given a degree in a similar field to keep things quiet by a school administrator who believed my end of the case. Well, turns out the degree I was given is absolutely worthless and that everything I worked hard for means nothing. I ended up graduating top 5% of my class and I don't care because it isn't valued at all. Only job(s) I can afford to get requires at least a HS diploma and the degree I was given is nothing short of a 'stepping stone' major.

I am upset because I wasted my entire youth doing school. I had no friends. I had no social life. I developed no outside interests, because I learned to plug formulas in or always studying my entire life away. I am 24 and I have such regret that hopelessness weighs me down every day. I've never been on a date because I was too preoccupied with excelling in school that proved to not benefit me at all career-wise. People my age are dating, getting married, have semi-decent careers and I am nothing but a worthless failure.

Only options now are to apply for graduate school and go from there. Problem? More money = more debt = more school. At this point, I'm so over school that I don't want to go back and study more, have no life, and breathe and live school again. I want a job and get my life started. I might as well have never went to College because I'm not proud of myself at all.

Done with the vent. Just continued to be disappointed everyday. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, because the feeling you worked (your life) for to only end up with nothing is absolutely the worst feeling in the world.
Trust me, it's not too late. My first date was when I was 29. Same reasons as yours. I also studied a lot and didn't care much about other things. I have a few good friends, but don't really have much social life.

The very first time I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder when I was 21 was also kind of similiar to what you described. I also graduated with honors, so I had this idea that I can get the perfect job. I was so disappointed with my job experience and for the first time I realized the huge disconnect between my reality and expectations. I was so overwhelmed by the amount of overtime work, stressed by my toxic boss, disappointed with my salary, and it caused me to get physically sick at least once a month. I couldn't handle everything and it triggered my depression.

I quit my job (had some depressive and hypomanic episodes, but that's another story) and took another unrelated job that I really love now which is teaching. However, I received a lot criticism from other professionals, my former classmates, friends and relatives. They question why I didn't pursue my career and what did I waste everything I worked hard for. I've struggled with this disappointment for many years, but now I just don't give a ****. I mainly teach, work on my original career as my second job and found a good balance for myself.

It takes time but don't give up. You can try many things and eventually find what's right for you.
mssweatypalms is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 07-12-2021, 07:55 AM   #13
bpforever1
Grand Poohbah
bpforever1 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2017
Location: earth
Posts: 1,760
3 yr Member
1,361 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: I ruined my life

You're still young. Please don't throw in the towel. I was a high school dropout at 16 years old and went back to school at 19 years old. Then, I finished college at 23 with a bachelor's. I went onto professional school and graduated although I was ill. Please don't give up so easily. I quit the healthcare profession but have no regrets going through it and finishing. If you want to pursue academics, find another path to do it.

I now teach online and love it. However, I am not earning much with my job. I am happier though. So, what is important to you? For me, my health is important. I live by scraping by but I am free and independent. But, if you are shooting for a well-paying job, then don't worry about getting a degree. Why don't you learn another skill? I'm trying to learn coding for my hobby. Coding is useful for finding jobs too. Or, may be you can do something else that interests you? Going to school is not a guaranteed path to financial success. I am proof of this. So, find something you love to do and go for it! Yes, some college degrees are good, such as healthcare degrees. However, I did this and ruined my health. So, I would find something you can do and that is enjoyable for you before thinking that a graduate degree is the end all and be all of your current path. Also, the healthcare field is not just medical- there is veterinary medicine, dentistry, chiropractic, herbal, naturopathy, osteopathy, podiatry, acupuncture, acupressure, pharmacy, optometry, midwifery,you name it you got it- just kidding. Anyways, you get my drift. Thus, you should not be restricted with your degree. Why don't you enhance it by looking into these paths?Also, don't forget to look into genetic counseling which is currently a trendy field. Best wishes!
bpforever1 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 07-21-2021, 02:48 PM   #14
regretful
Grand Poohbah
regretful making progress
 
Member Since: Jun 2012
Location: USA -
Posts: 1,819
8 yr Member
1,198 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: I ruined my life

Take your time; you're young. I'm nearing 56 and after completing graduate school and embarking on a career - which I loved - I started a business to get out from under mammoth student loan debt. And though I did that, I'm now so deeply entrenched in a business that I cannot get out of it. My point is, the loans and debt were worth it. All of the "stuff" and "things" are something that I can do without. Re-invent yourself now - because it's a whole lot harder at 56...
regretful is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:57 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2021, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun on Psych Central in 2001. It now runs as an independent community, overseen by a group of volunteers & Dr. John Grohol.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.