Snarky team members

Two members of my team are often snarky and sarcastic towards me. I'm the manager (of many years), and I don't appreciate them talking like this to me in front of the rest of the team or at all.

As an example, one woman snarkily pointed out in a meeting that we discussed the current topic weeks ago and we need to either stick with those decisions or figure something out. As if I didn't know that. It wasn't a topic that we've wavered on and finally needed to make a decision. If that were true, I would understand if she were frustrated. She was right of course, but her tone of voice was sarcastic.

The other people on my team are not like this at all. They have senses of humor, they're light hearted, they laugh, they're pleasant to be around (in addition to being very good at what they do). I know everyone is different, but these two people I initially mentioned appear to like to put me down in front of others and make me look like an idiot.

Their snarky and sarcastic tones could very well affect the welfare of the team. I just don't know if I'm being sensitive or if it's really a problem. The answer will affect whether I talk to them about this.

They're about 20 years younger than me if that's a factor.

It’s not you. It’s them. Some people don’t respect others, and not even management. You are a nice person so maybe they need a nasty boss to learn the difference. I believe you should talk to them

It's them!

Has this behaviour just started or have you finally had enough of their attitude? Are the two very friendly with each other and maybe not with other members of your team? Reason I'm asking is to understand the dynamics.

There's a new trend in the working environment to rail against authority. In that situation, even being the perfect manager would not make any difference. One thing you haven't said is that you command or deserve respect as a manager. You sound very fair and able to listen to all opinions so any respect is for your job title. The rest comes with your attitude in the role. Hope you understand where I'm coming from with these comments. All too often, managers think they can do and say what they like because they have that title.

By all means talk to them, perhaps individually. Involving HR in these meetings is often enough to get across that you're taking their behaviour seriously. Other members of your team may thank you for it too!

Thank you, DIvine. I am a nice person and they're taking advantage of that.

Poshgirl, I never think I can say or do what I want because I have the title. I don't like those kinds of managers and I'm sure my team doesn't either.

It's very important for me to be a good manager. I respect each person though I might not like their behavior. As far as commanding respect, I try to do that in several ways...never speak ill of others, thank each person for specific things they've done, show respect for all of my coworkers, etc.

Hi, I forgot to answer your other question. This behavior has been going on for a while but has gotten worse lately. Two of the snarky people are very friendly with each other. I get the idea that the younger one really looks up to the other one and might want the older one to be the manager.

helloiamjim, you sound the type of manager I would have liked in some of my jobs!

Joking aside, it's very often the case that troublemakers "hunt in pairs/groups". From what you've said about their friendship, this behaviour needs to be stopped now before it escalates into something that damages your professional and personal reputation. Sorry to sound so dramatic but I've seen how manipulative people can be at work. Very often, an unofficial warning is all that's needed to stop it.

Good luck!

Thank you, poshgirl. You're right. I need to figure out what to say to these two.

@poshgirl and @divine1966, I just thought of something. How do I handle when this person gets defensive? That's a distinct possibility.

I’d repeat (more than once if needed) that it’s important for the team spirit and for quality of the work that everyone has a respectful and positive attitude. I’d focus on team work and work quality more than they cause you distress. If they continue, you might have to involve higher ups

Excellent advice. You might have saved me some embarrassment.

helloiamjim

divine1966 makes a great suggestion. Emphasising that you want a positive team and great work from them is far better than admitting they are causing you a problem. More of a motivational talk.

Seeing them individually is still important, so there's no collusion.

Not familiar with US employment law, I cannot comment on what courses of action are open to you, as a manager, if it escalates. However, if you're unsure on how to tackle this, involving HR is a good idea. They can provide advice in note form if you prefer to see the team members on a one-to-one basis. Of course, if HR want to be present then the team member can usually also take a colleague along. Obviously, it can't be the person they're colluding with. Sorry, you probably know that already!

As for being defensive, it's a normal human reaction when confronted with their actions. It can manifest itself in many ways. Crying because they realise their stupidity/out of character behaviour. Resist any physical contact as this could cause more problems. The defensive attitude may be arguing with you, or just their body language. If it's just the way they are, then they won't be able to see how wrong their behaviour is.

Hope I've explained this clearly. Not questioning your management skills in any way. Again, good luck!

I hate to get HR involved unless it's absolutely necessary. My HR representative is very nice, but I don't trust HR as a whole. My worry is that they will use the information against me. Maybe the company considers a lay off and HR thinks that I'm a good candidate since two of my employees obviously don't like me as a manager.