Work change

Last week was a mess. First week of full time and I was stressed. In not on meds anymore and I'm trying to adjust. First day, fire drill. Even though I knew it was a fire drill, I still freaked out due to traumas. Day two my little toe starts to hurt, and I kept going. Day three same as day two only a box started to fall and I caught it. Two pains in one day. I did the research and discovered stretching may help with my calf muscle. Which it did.

Day four my hand grip decreased and I had swelling. And had onsite medical and they taped it. Two hours ish later after work, the tape was cut off. And the medical rep thought it needed urgent care, since my fingers were numb.

All bones in place, normal wrist.... Yet still swelling when I start to use my fingers.

Yesterday before I saw the occupational medicine doc, I saw my therapist. And started to wonder if my pain may be trauma based.

Lots of struggles around jobs, and a few that said I couldn't do what I wanted to do. Long story short, I'm terrified that with this injury someone will say you can't do this job . In a sense, it happened today. I'm on accomodations, but I have too many emotions going on. And I'm trying to calm myself and keep my mind from going to places I don't want to go back.

Some things I would do are out due to what ever this is with my wrist. Unless it is a pure emotional response, and the soft tissue are fine. That would be a big blessing, that the tissues are fine.

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6 weeks later. I don't know if it will heal, or if I will. The emotional blow of this injury is taking its toll. Sometimes it feels like no one believes me, and that I should shut up and put my head down because that's the best way for others to deal with it, to deal with me.

In my perspective, no one says things I understand. And the opposite is true or the other person doesn't know what to say.

Why do I feel so different? Do I actually have borderline? I feel alone. I hate my job. I can't physically do the things I love and it's eating at me.

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