My Career Failure and my Attempt to Recover

I have failed in all aspects of my life, one major part that ripples to all others is my career/professional failure, that diminishes my self-esteem greatly, and keeps me stressed and anxious for not being secure financially. During my PhD, and as a foreigner in a new country, I fell into deep depression because of the slow to stagnant progress I was making without any support from my supervisor who left me in the middle of my studies to go sabbatical for 2 years, and it [the depression] has continued years after that, which I believe played a major role in my failure. Now I feel better, but the damage done is everlasting.

While people usually go from working part-time waitering or washing dishes to get to college and graduate, and then get a decent job, I am heading the other way around. I got degrees in a STEM field and couldn't find a job for 4 years in the last 6, and my options now are jobs that require me to stand for 10 hours a day, or requires physical effort that I cannot do, other than these jobs being minimum wage (if I worked full-time, my monthly salary would be less than my expenses, and I am very careful about my expenses).

I reached out to all my connections, and all I got was some help with my resume that didn't do much. My PhD supervisor didn't help me at all, during and after my PhD, and now he stopped replying to my emails. I am still applying, but having years of employment gaps is not a good sign in a resume, and it makes my resume to be overlooked immediately, even if I did good work during my PhD.

I am taking courses on some software technologies to make a career change, but I am not sure how that would play out for someone in their late 30s to start as a junior without any experience in a new field. I have read jobs need younger people for junior positions to keep up with the pace, especially in the tech sector.

Not sure what else I can do at the this point.

There is no better time to be looking for a job.

20 years ago at the age of 30 I had to quit my first full time job. I had to because I realized they had lied to me about everything and they were abusive. I thought it was the end of my career.

2 months later, sitting on my couch, I got a call for my dream job. I had fully interviewed, but, the funding hadn't come through.

I had I not quit the abusive job, I would NOT have been available.

One door closes, another opens.

To the OP,

I'm writing this in a hurry so if I sound discombobulated, I apologize.

Please don't feel so down about yourself. I've been there. I was becoming a highly paid healthcare worker, but it all came crashing down after I became ill with psychosis. I know how you feel. The rug has been pulled from underneath you. My best advice is to do with what you have and survive. If you want to do coding, then pursue it. I thought about doing coding too but at my age, I will just do with what I have. I am getting by teaching online but don't recommend it since my job is based on customer satisfaction only. I don't mind but some people do. I highly recommend doing what you like and getting paid for it. I love teaching and am happy now. But, I am living in a country with high taxes and my current income is insufficient. So, I am looking for other jobs. I don't mind because I like writing too. My point is you will pick yourself up again if you want to. I did and am happy now. Yes, you went through difficult times so please learn from them and persevere. Finally, you never know what may happen, you might become really get at coding and find your dream job. Best wishes!