Job rejections, a toxic work environment and lowered self esteem

I allowed my negativity at work to pour out onto my poor colleague yesterday, but I was beside myself and exasperated by a managerial decision that effected my work. I had worked on one project for at least a couple hours, and the Account Services VP decided that he doesn't want to send this work to my client. So why did I spend two hours or more on it then? I snapped. I unloaded on my account manager and told her it's really maddening that I don't have a voice anymore when it comes to my own client work and when it comes to communicating strategies to my own clients. All of my communications have to go through account services to the clients. I cannot email my clients directly, and that's a huge change they made in our process after my first tenure in this company. It leaves ME with very little voice, it takes away my ability to establish understanding and rapport with my clients, and I think it was a bad managerial decision to change the process. Before, I was able to establish trust with my clients through regular communications regarding strategies and steps. But now? It's as though they don't trust my team to communicate properly with our own clients.

I truly hate my company and it became known to my colleague even more through my outpour yesterday. I felt I couldn't control or help myself.... I don't like that feeling when I cannot control my reactions, but I couldn't help it - it just all came out.

Had an awesome final interview with this agency! Fingers crossed I get an offer! I won't hear until Monday, most likely, so I have to wait all weekend. UGH.

Praying!

Thank you @Bill3!!!

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Thank you @sarahsweets!

Ok, so I am having a bit of a meltdown. I have to wait ALL weekend before I hear whether I have an offer or not. And I am MISERABLE. I HATE my current job, and IF I have to continue on there for any amount of time, I think I am really going to lose it and will go downhill even worse. IF I have to endure this dysfunctional work environment and IF I get rejected yet again after the final round, I am afraid that my mental health is going to further downward spiral.

I am VERY WORRIED about myself. And I am sitting in sheer misery, every second wondering if I have an offer.

Do you have a safety plan, just in case?

Hang in there!

Good luck, fingers crossed, get yourself busy with something distracting so you don’t agonize until Monday

No safety plan... I am not in that kind of danger. But I am taking a couple days off around Christmas and New Years. Hopefully, that will help.

Thanks @divine1966! I'll try my best to distract myself.

So, I received a message from one of my interviewers in reply to my thank you note. She sent it on Sunday morning, just saying I hope you have a wonderful weekend and we'll be in touch very soon. My husband thought it would be overkill if I replied to that email, so I did not reply.

Was that a mistake? Is the best thing to do is to say something like thanks for the update?

“Thank you” for the update is very appropriate. I’d send it this morning. No expectations of sending or receiving emails on Sundays. Overkill would be asking if you got the job or something like that

Thank you, @divine1966! My gut instinct said I should at least say thanks for the update. It seems like the polite and appropriate thing to do. I don't always take my husband's advice. lol. Sometimes he is wrong about business dealings.

I sent a simple note just now.

It can’t be wrong to send a quick note. I don’t see how they would think anything of it.

Yet another rejection. I am going to lose it now. I am soooooooo done and this sucks.

I'm so very sorry to hear.

Thanks @Bill3.

I am crushed. I literally cannot take this anymore.

It sounds like things seemed to have gone well, and somebody even went out of their way to contact you afterwards. No wonder you feel so crushed. I'm really sorry.