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Default Apr 15, 2022 at 09:15 AM
  #1
Im planning to take a new job, same field ugh, better pay and hopefully a good culture there but I don’t know. Although I’ve had a lot of negative feelings at my current job, I’m somewhat comfortable there and it’s scary to think about jumping ship. I worry I’ll end up with no job somehow. I haven’t told my current job yet.

The new employer really wants me and said they’ll be sad if I don’t come. They told me that a current employee there won’t be happy when I come on board because it will shift her duties in a way she won’t appreciate. So now I’m starting to worry about that.

This will come as a shock to my current employer and I’ve seen them struggle to find and keep employees. So I feel a bit bad about that.

I hope I’m doing the right thing
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Default Apr 15, 2022 at 12:22 PM
  #2
You have to do what's right for you, not what's right for anyone else
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Default Apr 15, 2022 at 01:14 PM
  #3
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Originally Posted by Starlingflock View Post
Im planning to take a new job, same field ugh, better pay and hopefully a good culture there but I don’t know. Although I’ve had a lot of negative feelings at my current job, I’m somewhat comfortable there and it’s scary to think about jumping ship. I worry I’ll end up with no job somehow. I haven’t told my current job yet.

The new employer really wants me and said they’ll be sad if I don’t come. They told me that a current employee there won’t be happy when I come on board because it will shift her duties in a way she won’t appreciate. So now I’m starting to worry about that.

This will come as a shock to my current employer and I’ve seen them struggle to find and keep employees. So I feel a bit bad about that.

I hope I’m doing the right thing
I can relate to your job-anxiety Starlingflock because I am going through the same situation as you are. While I like the contract work that I do it's not ideal because it's not permanent. I recently accepted a new job for great pay and after 4 days at the organization, realized that it had poor leadership and a very toxic work culture.

My previous experiences at companies with poor leadership and toxic work culture has taught me that unless the poor leadership improves, the toxic work culture and change management policies won't improve. So....I resigned. And, it turns out, I'm not the first new employee to walk away as quickly as I did. That's what current employees joked with me about this past week, "Well, I hope you last longer than the previous person in your role did!"

I had already had one conversation on Wednesday with my director about my concerns at this organization. To avoid facing up to the problems, she is in denial and refuses to acknowledge the problems I brought to her attention (that she is likely well aware of, but chooses to ignore b/c she's stuck in her job due to her attachment to her high salary).

Knowing that she isn't going to change her leadership style (she manages one center and is an assistant director at another center) or make improvements with the work culture (there are no interpersonal boundaries - everyone gossips about everyone out in the open; the preK teachers yell at the kids and throw objects like books and toys at the kids who are high energy, or takes the 3,4,5 year olds to an underground parking garage to "play" during inclement weather...just a few of the red flags I witnessed there this week... I knew that if I stayed in that new role, I would become PART of the toxic work culture and that my name would be attached to any and all problems associated with that organization and I would not be able to move forward (per a letter of recommendation from the director or another supervisor).

Do I hate giving up the great money? Sure. But there are many people in leadership roles who should not be bc they lack the competencies to face up to conflicts and challenges that happen under their supervision. In short, they ignore problems b/c they don't want to be held responsible by their peers (other leaders) or their employees.

So, I would urge you to do what I did: take an inventory of what you like/dislike about your current job and compare that to this new opportunity that you haven't started yet. Do a six-month inventory via a list of what you can control and what you can't, in your life and then determine which job (your current semi-toxic job or your new has-potential-to-be-more-toxic based on your conversation with your new manager) you could endure for the next six months without your life being really disrupted.

For example, I knew that if I stayed at this new job I had for the past 4 days, not only would the director ignore my requests for change, but she would try to enforce her policies on me in my new role that I have an ethical problem with. So, I knew over the next six months, I would be very unhappy and have wasted half a year at a job that doesn't serve my long-term goals for me personally or professionally. I can always make ends meet. But I refuse to compromise my values anymore at age 51, for leaders who are TERRIBLE organizational leaders.

Employment is a two way street. If you accept a job and your leader wasn't transparent with you upfront in your interview about the current issues or challenges in your new role, then you've been lied to and manipulated and taken advantage of. And if you are not in an equal leadership role, then you can't expect your leader to make the changes that you see and think are necessary for a healthier work culture for yourself and your peers.

Remember that. Employment is a two way street. Don't expect your leader/supervisor to care about your well-being. Their job is to fill vacant roles with people and their empathy stops after you sign your W2 for tax purposes. The leaders who do invest in the well-being of their work culture and employees are few and far between.

Only you can determine if this new job opportunity is an improvement from your current job. If you can't say that it is a 100% improvement (that should be your criteria for new jobs) then you should not leave your current job. If there are RED FLAGS then you need to leave/decline the job offer. Red flags in work environments don't change. Problems at work places will just continue until new leadership is hired to implement change management. IF that new leadership wants to make positive changes....
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Default Apr 16, 2022 at 02:58 AM
  #4
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Originally Posted by willowtigger View Post
You have to do what's right for you, not what's right for anyone else
Thanks I’m trying to keep that in mind while deciding. I have competing thoughts and then I get a stomach ache.
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Default Apr 16, 2022 at 03:22 AM
  #5
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Originally Posted by Motts View Post
I can relate to your job-anxiety Starlingflock because I am going through the same situation as you are. While I like the contract work that I do it's not ideal because it's not permanent. I recently accepted a new job for great pay and after 4 days at the organization, realized that it had poor leadership and a very toxic work culture.

My previous experiences at companies with poor leadership and toxic work culture has taught me that unless the poor leadership improves, the toxic work culture and change management policies won't improve. So....I resigned. And, it turns out, I'm not the first new employee to walk away as quickly as I did. That's what current employees joked with me about this past week, "Well, I hope you last longer than the previous person in your role did!"

I had already had one conversation on Wednesday with my director about my concerns at this organization. To avoid facing up to the problems, she is in denial and refuses to acknowledge the problems I brought to her attention (that she is likely well aware of, but chooses to ignore b/c she's stuck in her job due to her attachment to her high salary).

Knowing that she isn't going to change her leadership style (she manages one center and is an assistant director at another center) or make improvements with the work culture (there are no interpersonal boundaries - everyone gossips about everyone out in the open; the preK teachers yell at the kids and throw objects like books and toys at the kids who are high energy, or takes the 3,4,5 year olds to an underground parking garage to "play" during inclement weather...just a few of the red flags I witnessed there this week... I knew that if I stayed in that new role, I would become PART of the toxic work culture and that my name would be attached to any and all problems associated with that organization and I would not be able to move forward (per a letter of recommendation from the director or another supervisor).

Do I hate giving up the great money? Sure. But there are many people in leadership roles who should not be bc they lack the competencies to face up to conflicts and challenges that happen under their supervision. In short, they ignore problems b/c they don't want to be held responsible by their peers (other leaders) or their employees.

So, I would urge you to do what I did: take an inventory of what you like/dislike about your current job and compare that to this new opportunity that you haven't started yet. Do a six-month inventory via a list of what you can control and what you can't, in your life and then determine which job (your current semi-toxic job or your new has-potential-to-be-more-toxic based on your conversation with your new manager) you could endure for the next six months without your life being really disrupted.

For example, I knew that if I stayed at this new job I had for the past 4 days, not only would the director ignore my requests for change, but she would try to enforce her policies on me in my new role that I have an ethical problem with. So, I knew over the next six months, I would be very unhappy and have wasted half a year at a job that doesn't serve my long-term goals for me personally or professionally. I can always make ends meet. But I refuse to compromise my values anymore at age 51, for leaders who are TERRIBLE organizational leaders.

Employment is a two way street. If you accept a job and your leader wasn't transparent with you upfront in your interview about the current issues or challenges in your new role, then you've been lied to and manipulated and taken advantage of. And if you are not in an equal leadership role, then you can't expect your leader to make the changes that you see and think are necessary for a healthier work culture for yourself and your peers.

Remember that. Employment is a two way street. Don't expect your leader/supervisor to care about your well-being. Their job is to fill vacant roles with people and their empathy stops after you sign your W2 for tax purposes. The leaders who do invest in the well-being of their work culture and employees are few and far between.

Only you can determine if this new job opportunity is an improvement from your current job. If you can't say that it is a 100% improvement (that should be your criteria for new jobs) then you should not leave your current job. If there are RED FLAGS then you need to leave/decline the job offer. Red flags in work environments don't change. Problems at work places will just continue until new leadership is hired to implement change management. IF that new leadership wants to make positive changes....
Whoa! If a teacher yelled and threw something at my kid I’d knock their block off.
Actually when I was a tween my music teacher screamed at the class, threw a stapler and stormed out. I wouldn’t want to be a part of that so I’m with you.

Now the new place is saying they’ll resolve the employee issue before I get there so I don’t have to deal with it. That’s good leadership right? The employee has been there like ten years. Some people there have been working together for 12 years, some over 20 years. That’s got to say something. Here comes me the new person with a fraction of experience. Why do they want me so badly? Sacrifice me to the office gods?? See I’m getting paranoid.

I like the suggestion to think about the 6 month mark. I was stuck on thinking about the immediate weeks because I’ve been so burned out I need a freaking break and instead I’ll be hustling to wrap up one job to hurry into a new overflowing stack of work and waiting for PTO to accrue, while I have PTO waiting for me at my current place. But maybe I’ll get a second wind in a new place with new scenery and that will somehow make up for it.
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Default Apr 16, 2022 at 04:56 PM
  #6
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Whoa! If a teacher yelled and threw something at my kid I’d knock their block off.
Actually when I was a tween my music teacher screamed at the class, threw a stapler and stormed out. I wouldn’t want to be a part of that so I’m with you.

Now the new place is saying they’ll resolve the employee issue before I get there so I don’t have to deal with it. That’s good leadership right? The employee has been there like ten years. Some people there have been working together for 12 years, some over 20 years. That’s got to say something. Here comes me the new person with a fraction of experience. Why do they want me so badly? Sacrifice me to the office gods?? See I’m getting paranoid.

I like the suggestion to think about the 6 month mark. I was stuck on thinking about the immediate weeks because I’ve been so burned out I need a freaking break and instead I’ll be hustling to wrap up one job to hurry into a new overflowing stack of work and waiting for PTO to accrue, while I have PTO waiting for me at my current place. But maybe I’ll get a second wind in a new place with new scenery and that will somehow make up for it.
Yes, that daycare was a nightmare in the 4 days I spent there as a lead-preK teacher. Other things I found to be red flags there: the state statutes that were violated were a-plenty; during inclement weather, they brought the kids to an underground parking garage which is a state statute violation; after 30 minutes on their cots for nap time, they FORCED the toddlers and preK kids to stay on their cots for another 90 minutes, which is a statute violation; the physical and verbal abuse I witnessed from the preK teachers and the floats hired made my stomach turn. I could never work for a daycare that allows that behavior from their preK teachers or their floats. You know they aren't sharing this with their parents.

I bet your music teacher was fired after he/she did that. That's just unacceptable behavior from a teacher, to have a temper tantrum it shows he/she has no classroom management training. Eeek. Yes, if I were a parent at that daycare, I would have called the DHS and reported the facility.

My intuition tells me you are walking towards a hot-mess for yourself in that new role. I would avoid it at all costs. A book recommendation for you; "Belonging At Work" by Rhodes Perry, MPA. It has great case studies inside it about accountability strategies. If your new boss and that disgruntled employee whom you're role replaces won't take accountability for their actions, do not work there. This HBR blog about social belonging is a good summary of the reasons why we need to feel we aren't alienated at our work place.

Remember, you have criteria that your employer needs to meet too. It's like a relationship. One sided relationships always fail because only one person's needs are being met. So it's not a healthy relationship. Same with work environments. Do not run towards this new job until you have read everything you can get your hands on about social belonging at work and accountability strategies. The health of your new organization can be assessed by you through asking your prospective boss accountability questions. His/her answers will reveal where he/she falls on the toxic-scale.

If he/she doesn't like conflict and avoids it at all costs, and gaslights employees who hold him/her accountable...do not work there.You want to work for a leader who values your contribution, who provides training for you for the first 2-3 months of your new job (whether you're shadowing someone but not that toxic employee whose role you're taking over); and who doesn't set you up to be fired (creating a file on you from your first day) by not providing you with a ramp-up training period, who has you sign a "fire at will" contract too.

Most states in the U.S. are fire at will, but you don't need to sign it. They may decide if you don't sign it, that they won't hire you. But do you want to work for a company that forces you to sign that kind of document? Think about it.
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Default Apr 20, 2022 at 04:17 AM
  #7
Well I spoke with the new place and found out a bit more about the employee situation, and felt okay enough to commit to going with them. I worry it will be just as stressful and I’ll feel insecure but I’m hopeful that I can feel happy at work. I have been unhappy and burned out at my current job. I can’t withstand the stress of getting new coworkers and having them quit one after another then start over again with someone new.
I decided that I need not feel so responsible about where I am…always feeling like I’m hustling and that my needs come second to any coworker or boss. My bosses wouldn’t want me feeling like that, but I don’t know how to change it. Feeling too responsible or guilty about the revenue of the place. Just not feeling secure or relaxed despite many years there. I don’t want to go through another turnover, I don’t have it in me to give all i got when coworkers quit one after another or get fired. I had 100 active tasks the last time it happened and was so stressed.
It was difficult but I felt okay about my decision even though my bosses were not happy to hear I’ll be leaving.
Now I can’t sleep for feeling so guilty because my coworker announced today that she is leaving as well. I had been sensing that may be the case and at first was relieved I wouldn’t be there to go through another turnover. But after awhile my relief turned to responsibility and guilt. Now the bosses have to find all new staff at once. My stomach aches feeling bad about this and thinking I’ve created a mess. I want to apologize to my bosses but that won’t help and feels like is be rubbing it in. Already I felt like I had to give more detail about my choice to leave and I think it sounded offensive. Bad timing and I feel for them having to scramble to replace us when we’re already busy.
Just have to get through a few weeks and I hope they can find new people before I leave otherwise I’ll feel worse. I worry about my new job falling through too.
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Default Apr 26, 2022 at 11:52 PM
  #8
No guilt is necessary. It sounds like you're doing the best thing for yourself. Your old place of employment will survive.
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Default Apr 27, 2022 at 08:49 AM
  #9
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No guilt is necessary. It sounds like you're doing the best thing for yourself. Your old place of employment will survive.
Thank you Travelinglady! They will survive, very true. It will be a rough transition but they have found themselves in this place before and only they can help to prevent future turnover. Every coworker has told me they stayed with the company as long as they did because of me and they enjoyed working with me.

One of my bosses has gone out of his way to not look at me or talk to me for five days now. It’s hurtful and part of me “gets it” or thinks I deserve it, and part of me thinks he’s a petty punk. I gave three weeks notice so will have to endure this a bit longer.
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