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BreakForTheLight
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Member Since: Jan 2015
Location: Europe
Posts: 852
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#1
This is mostly just a rant but if anyone has any suggestions for directions/skills/trainings/jobs they are more than welcome!
I just got a rejection for a job I really, really wanted and I feel devestated. I'm not happy in my current job. I haven't been happy in my previous jobs. And the big issue is: I have no idea what I want or what I can do. And I beat myself up for not even knowing what I want I have never been diagnosed (looking into it but it's hard to find out where to go) but I suspect I may have ADHD. Whether I actually have it or not, the major problems I have in jobs is a) I find it extremely hard to motivate myself to do something I'm not interested it and b) I get bored easily. (I know point a is difficult for everyone, but with ADHD it is even more so.) Every job I've had so far was just focused on 1 thing, and it's just not stimulating/challenging enough for me. 3 years ago I even got to a point where I was exhausted from boredom. I also think I am fairly smart, and I always have this nagging feeling of "I can do more than this." If only I knew what it is that I can do. I try to take on extra tasks to get a bit more variety in my job, but it's still not enough. They are mostly just little tasks that break up the monotomy a bit, but they're not exactly challenging either. I have a degree in translation but honestly I don't even know how I ever made it through my studies. With a lot of stuggling. I would be bored out of my mind as a full time translator. And I do not have the organisational skills/motivation/self confidence to freelance part time while doing something else the rest of the time. (If only I'd been diagnosed with ADHD when I was younger, I might have realised this field was not for me!) I also live in a foreign country and although I am fluent in the language, I'm not a native speaker. So any job that requires excellent language skills my brain goes "nope, not for me!" So I've been focusing on looking for jobs that require my native language. But I guess the main reason for this strategy is I just don't know what the hell to look for, because I don't know what I want and I don't have any special skills, other than translation, which I don't want to do. So far I have worked mostly in content writing and customer service. I would absolutely be willing to try something else, or even move for the perfect job, but how do I find that job when I don't know what I'm looking for? I would have to be really lucky to just stumble upon a job that interests me. I did with this job I recently applied for, but I didn't even get through the 1st round. Which is why the rejection is so hard on me. I wish I hadn't left my previous job in customer service. I was so desperate to leave because I was sick of all the complaining and there were too many issues in the company that were out of our hands, but still ended up with CS to deal with. But my current job makes me feel even worse. In previous jobs, I've always been the one learn quickly, work quickly, deliver high quality work, get lots of positive feedback, often been the one co-workers come to with questions and sort of "managing behind the scenes" - but I never made it to an actual promotion so it's not on my CV. And thanks to imposter syndrome, I can't write about that in my cover letter either. (Oh look, imposter syndrome, there's another issue why I can't find a job!) I've been looking into learning new things, but being so miserable in my current job makes it hard to get excited about anything. It's all just "meh". I really WANT to learn in theory, but I need it to be something I'm really interested in for it to work out. I'm also worried about starting something, spending money on it and then losing interest. Wouldn't be the first time. I saw an ad for a vegan nutritionist course on Facebook/Instagram and that sounded interesting, but I'm skeptical about all ads I see on there. So yeah, like I said, mostly just a rant, because I don't expect anyone else to know what I want, if I don't even know myself (If anyone does feel like offering suggestions - IT or marketing are out.) |
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Bill3, Discombobulated, SlumberKitty
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Grand Magnate
Discombobulated
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#2
I guess what occurs to me is that although you’re very disappointed it’s positive you really, really wanted this job. Is it right that although you write you’re not sure what you want to do it sounds like there was something about that job which motivated you?
It’s really tough handling disappointment when you wanted that job but can you apply for a similar one in future? |
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SlumberKitty
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BreakForTheLight
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Grand Member
BreakForTheLight
has no updates.
Member Since: Jan 2015
Location: Europe
Posts: 852
211 hugs
given |
#3
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Discombobulated, SlumberKitty
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Grand Member
BreakForTheLight
has no updates.
Member Since: Jan 2015
Location: Europe
Posts: 852
211 hugs
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#4
I also feel like I'm on a deadline. Once my probation ends, my notice period goes from 2 weeks to 3 months. The thought of having to do this another 3 months at least is depressing. I'm already dreading having to work again tomorrow. And it's going to be even harder to find something else with such a long notice period.
I think the big problem in this job is that I have to be at least somewhat creative, about things I don't care about. And I truly can't. I end up just staring at my screen, hoping some inspiration will hit me. I'm not lazy. I want to work. Every single evening I tell myself "Tomorrow I HAVE to get through these tasks." But the next day I still can't do it. My last job was boring, but I could do it on auto pilot, while zoning out. Wasn't a great job, but at least I got things done. And I guess overall, I still get things done now. I work fast in the rare moments when I'm focused and motivated and I get through the same amount of work as other people on my team. |
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Discombobulated, SlumberKitty
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Grand Magnate
Discombobulated
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Location: UK
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#5
Oh 3 months is an extremely long notice period? Is it absolutely legally binding?
In the UK notice periods are very rarely enforced and I’ve known a friend leave a job and not work the 2 months notice he was supposed to. There were no repercussions. |
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SlumberKitty
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Grand Member
BreakForTheLight
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Member Since: Jan 2015
Location: Europe
Posts: 852
211 hugs
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#6
It is very long, but it's in the contract I signed. Companies can make the notice period however long they want. According to google it's usually negotiable. But I remember a previous company announcing they weren't going to let anyone leave before their notice period anymore, because too many people were leaving. (Yes, that's the solution to people leaving! Don't pay a fair salary or provide better working conditions but enforce your ridiculous notice period!)
Not that it matters much when I can't find a new job, anyway. The rejection is really hitting me hard. I still feel very down. When I was in the application process for the job I have now, I was so convinced I was going to be rejected at every step, but I got it. And because of how insecure I was, I accepted the first salary offer they gave me when I should've negotiate instead. Now I'm earning even less than in my customer service job I thought I had a good chance with this job but nope. And I can't find anything else that interests me. |
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Bill3, Discombobulated, rechu, SlumberKitty
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Grand Member
BreakForTheLight
has no updates.
Member Since: Jan 2015
Location: Europe
Posts: 852
211 hugs
given |
#7
It's so strange what goes on in my brain when I'm trying to work. I KNOW I have to get these tasks done, they're not going to finish themselves, I KNOW I need to start writing, but my brain just goes completely blank. I'm staring at my screen and then I eventually grab my phone to distract myself. It's hard to explain when I WANT to do the work but I just can't
I know if I had a job that was something more simple, just clicking around on a computer screen all day, I could do it easily and wouldn't have this issue, but my brain would be under stimulated and I'd still be miserable. |
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Discombobulated, rechu, SlumberKitty
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Grand Member
BreakForTheLight
has no updates.
Member Since: Jan 2015
Location: Europe
Posts: 852
211 hugs
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#8
I'm starting to get more worried now - one more month and I'm stuck with a 3 month notice period I wish I had more energy to look for a new job. Also I assume there will be a talk with my team lead when my probation time ends and I'm not sure how honest I should be about how I feel in the job. Because as much as I WANT out, leave the company completely and do something more meaningful, chances of me actually getting another job anytime soon seem slim. And I don't want to create any tension or anything.
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Discombobulated, SlumberKitty
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Grand Magnate
Discombobulated
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Member Since: Oct 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 4,642
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#9
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SlumberKitty
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Magnate
rechu
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Member Since: Apr 2016
Location: Somewhere in South America
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#10
Quote:
I completely understand this. I have gotten behind on writing projects lately because the same thing happens. I know I am dealing with a lot between family drama and the health dictatorship I am living in. I guess it is distracting me. My client has been understanding, but I have to find a way to up my game. I wish I had some advice other than you are not alone. |
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BreakForTheLight, Discombobulated, SlumberKitty
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SlumberKitty
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Grand Member
BreakForTheLight
has no updates.
Member Since: Jan 2015
Location: Europe
Posts: 852
211 hugs
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#11
Quote:
Today is a very bad day and I don't even know why. I've been working for several hours now and I've barely finished anything. Every time I sit down (because I'm constantly getting up for no reason) or put down my phone/other distractions and tell myself "OK I'm gonna do this now" my brain is just SCREAMING at me "I don't want to!" I feel like I should be able to stop whining and just finish the work but I need my brain to work with me. It's exhausting. I honestly feel far more tired after these days then on days where I got through my work. |
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Discombobulated, rechu, SlumberKitty
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Grand Member
BreakForTheLight
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Member Since: Jan 2015
Location: Europe
Posts: 852
211 hugs
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#12
I just saw a post on Instagram that made me realize fear of rejection is probably also part of what's keeping me from freelancing How did that never click before?
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rechu
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#13
Sorry to hear you're having a rough day. My focus has been a bit better this week, but last Friday I was useless and had to spend part of Saturday catching up. I don't want another week like that.
I have worked mainly freelance for a while, apart from about 3 years where I had a formal work contract. For me, I sort of fell into it when I first moved to this country, it wasn't planned. You do have to put yourself out there and the prospect of being rejected can be scary. I would say over time, for most people, you tend to develop a thicker skin about the rejection aspect. I know I have. If you ever want to talk about freelancing, feel free to message me. Maybe you can try to take on some smaller projects while still keeping your day job. Last edited by rechu; Jun 14, 2022 at 03:42 PM.. Reason: Added text |
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Discombobulated
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BreakForTheLight
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Grand Member
BreakForTheLight
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Member Since: Jan 2015
Location: Europe
Posts: 852
211 hugs
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#14
Quote:
I've resorted to working shorter days, taking a long break in the afternoon to enjoy some sunshine, get away from my laptop, and then work another hour or 2 in the evening. It helps somewhat, I notice I am more focused in the evening but that takes away time from looking for a new job by the time I stop for the afternoon, I'm too restless. And one of my co-workers is starting to bug me with how bossy she is. I want out. I've been thinking about maybe just cutting down my hours, or applying to "lower" jobs that are boring but don't require as much focus but I have to admit, I kind of like having at least a little bit of money left at the end of the month, instead of the other way around. |
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Discombobulated
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Grand Member
BreakForTheLight
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Member Since: Jan 2015
Location: Europe
Posts: 852
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#15
2,5 months on and I'm still stuck which I know is on me, I haven't even been looking the last couple of weeks, I've just been too overwhelmed.
I have another talk with my team lead coming up next week about "my future at the company " (not just me, every member of the team will have it). Honestly I don't see a future at that company at all but I can't exactly say that, so I will have to make something up. We had a meeting a few weeks ago about the restructuring of the team and different new roles and blahblah. We were going to get more information about those and workshops on all topics but so far that hasn't happened yet. So how are we supposed to say in which role we see ourselves in the future if we don't fully know yet what roles there are and what they all entail? Things are only getting worse with this new team lead. Half the time I can't even understand what she's saying because her accent is so strong, she talks very fast and she just jumps right into topics without any introduction or explanation. Not trying to be mean but I can't help wondering "how the hell did she get the role of team lead?" Her communication skills are terrible. |
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Discombobulated, rechu, SlumberKitty
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rechu
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Location: Somewhere in South America
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#16
I'm really sorry you are dealing with this. At my last job our team leader was an absolute disaster. She was very negative, had poor communication skills and, honestly, did not seem to like most of us on the team. She always criticized the sales department when, without them, we wouldn't have work. It created such a toxic and stressful environment. People were constantly leaving or being let go because of her. In the end, it would have probably been cheaper to get rid of her than to deal with the constant revolving door of employees.
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SlumberKitty
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Grand Member
BreakForTheLight
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Member Since: Jan 2015
Location: Europe
Posts: 852
211 hugs
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#17
Got back from having some time off and now I'm REALLY struggling. Every time I try to work, I just want to cry. Everything in me is screaming "I don't want to do this." And I'm beating myself up for not being more productive.
it's not the worst job in the world, why can't I just do this?? |
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Discombobulated, rechu
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DoroMona
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#18
I feel for you. I also have a job I kind of hate, that I procrastinate on and time just slips by with me writing the exact same tasks everyday in my agenda which I end up not doing. Also, like you, I have similar feelings of "I can't actually believe I got through school" and deep suspicions that I have undiagnosed ADHD. Probably nowadays I would have been diagnosed as a kid. I was a "daydreamer" always in school, which is an ADHD sign in girls. We all daydream--but I REALLY daydream. Also I had--and still have--major organizational problems that manifest everywhere.
Sometimes I write down microtasks for myself. So not "Finish this report" or "Complete Figure 1" etc., but more like "1) navigate to the report location" "2) open the report" "3) read paragraph 1 of report". Because it's so damn hard even facing these documents, to the point that it can sometimes easily take me hours to even open the damn thing and look at it in the most superficial way... Don't underestimate the small endorphin rush you get every time you're able to put a checkmark on a task, even as small a task as "open the file." I tell myself every day is a new day, and I just keep throwing myself at the mountain, googling things like "how to be more organized" "how to cope when you hate your job" "why do we procrastinate" etc. Sometimes I find tidbits that help me. I've recently started being more playful with my agenda, using a wide array of colorful pens and highlighters to make it look happier and doodling around my various lists. Sounds ridiculous but it has helped a bit. Consider bullet journaling? I've also recently designated a day (Thursdays) as my "face the hell" day. I have a meeting every Friday, so on Thursdays I have a bit more pressure to inch along a set of projects. Not sure how that's going to go yet, it's still an "experiment" to see if it helps me with productivity. Youtube forced me to watch some commercial recently by Peter Sage on procrastination. Don't know anything about him, but he claims to understand procrastination and that his 30 minute youtube video will help me unleash my inner potential. LOL. But hey, I can watch his talk over dinner and maybe there's a tidbit or two there that can help me a little. So I guess with that what I'm really saying is, try to stay hopeful/open/constructive? My SO (who is not a procrastinator) would say such videos are BS, but then I argue it's always better to be constructive and act like there's a way to improve things, even if you feel there isn't. Maybe if you read more about procrastination, something will click and you'll be able to face some of those tasks you hate. If you think you have ADHD, it's never too late to get diagnosed and try a medication for it. I have a brilliant colleague who started meds in his 50s. It made a huge difference for him. "Life is not a problem to be solved by a reality to be experienced." - Kierkegaard, helps me put things in perspective when I run out of steam Good luck. |
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lovableball
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#19
Here's an idea you might find interesting. You said you really don't want to be a translator, but I think you should still take an advantage of the fact that you speak more than one language. I believe you could easily get a job teaching English online, and many schools consider it a great advantage if the teacher can speak or even teach more than one language. My best friend is teaching ESL online so I do know a lot about how it works. Most schools have 25 minutes lessons, so you wouldn't have to be focused on the same task for too long. Especially working with adults could be a way to go, since kids require looots of patience that not many of us have. You could have it in mind at least as a part-time thing, just to see how it goes. Having a flexible schedule is a blessing and most schools give you this option.
Another thing that crossed my mind is - based on your experience, you could team up with someone who's into eCommerce, even if it's a start-up. You already have experience in content writing and customer service, you could grow with the company and learn new digital marketing-related skills. It's such a dynamic field and it's not easy to get bored, in my opinion. You can explore your creativity even further and possibly discover your true passion. Finding a good course and checking what else is out there will keep you busy and will also look great on your CV. Last but not least, dear, it really doesn't matter if it is or isn't the worst or even the best job in the world if you don't like it and it makes you feel this way. (By the way, Don't beat yourself up over that. I also encourage you to check if you have ADHD as soon as possible and start from there, as getting diagnosed and treated can only improve your quality of life. Good luck with everything! You got this! |
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moodyblue83
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Location: USA
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#20
loveableball had many good suggestions as did others. I've dealt with procrastination and not knowing what I want to do
my whole life. I've done many crappy jobs just to get by. You do what you have to do ! I might have missed how old your are , because I know most youngsters today want to start at the top. A lot of kids get sucked into college and waste tons of money. If your at a job you hate that much then QUIT ! There are a lot of apprenticeship jobs out there today. Many people don't want to work anymore since Covid. As far as procrastination goes . There was a guy who couldn't get out of bed in the morning. He studied this question for 30: years. He finally discovered the answer. He said , " the only way to get out of bed in the morning was to get out of bed ". __________________ Trying to Live in the Moment |
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