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ZenZeta
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Default May 31, 2022 at 09:38 AM
  #1
In recent years, the term "microaggression" has come to the forefront signaling that it's NOT OK to make seemingly harmless statements that reek of bias or outright racism.

I have a co-worker who CONSTANTLY makes comments that make my stomach churn. From her stating that she finds it "interesting" that COVID originated in China and that all of the variants originate in Africa (incorrect) and wondering if it's tied to those countries being so "rural" . . . (incidentally, I am of African American, Korean and Caucasian descent)

To her making a point to try to pronounce someone's name on a ZOOM call (and getting it wrong several times) only to state that she's not good with the "ethnic" names (I'm sorry, but how hard is it to pronounce Mario?) . . .

...to us wishing our Guatemalan co-worker Happy Birthday on the ZOOM call that just ended. I said "Happy Birthday" in Spanish and he responded "Thank You" in Spanish to which she felt the need to say "I don't know about any of that stuff. I speak English."

I'm SICK of it!!! I went to my manager (who is an African American male) and expressed my concerns. He did nothing but say, "she doesn't mean any harm" but acknowledged that her comments are "distasteful".

I want to approach our Diversity department and ask for some Microaggression training, but being the "squeaky wheel" may land me in hot water.

We live in this beautiful kaleidoscope of a world that merits acceptance or at least the common courtesy to keep "off color" (pun intended) comments to yourself.

Her being a middle aged, southern white woman does NOT excuse this, and it's bugging me. I'm tired of "letting it go". She needs to zip the lip.

Suggestions?
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Default May 31, 2022 at 12:05 PM
  #2
Wow. It’s unacceptable. I don’t think any kind of training would be helpful. Those trainings usually a waste of time. She needs to be disciplined. Now if your boss does nothing go to the one above him and HR. Diversity department is a good place to go to but personally I’ve been to a million diversity meetings and PDs and it won’t make someone more tactful.
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Default May 31, 2022 at 11:12 PM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by ZenZeta View Post
In recent years, the term "microaggression" has come to the forefront signaling that it's NOT OK to make seemingly harmless statements that reek of bias or outright racism.

I have a co-worker who CONSTANTLY makes comments that make my stomach churn. From her stating that she finds it "interesting" that COVID originated in China and that all of the variants originate in Africa (incorrect) and wondering if it's tied to those countries being so "rural" . . . (incidentally, I am of African American, Korean and Caucasian descent)

To her making a point to try to pronounce someone's name on a ZOOM call (and getting it wrong several times) only to state that she's not good with the "ethnic" names (I'm sorry, but how hard is it to pronounce Mario?) . . .

...to us wishing our Guatemalan co-worker Happy Birthday on the ZOOM call that just ended. I said "Happy Birthday" in Spanish and he responded "Thank You" in Spanish to which she felt the need to say "I don't know about any of that stuff. I speak English."

I'm SICK of it!!! I went to my manager (who is an African American male) and expressed my concerns. He did nothing but say, "she doesn't mean any harm" but acknowledged that her comments are "distasteful".

I want to approach our Diversity department and ask for some Microaggression training, but being the "squeaky wheel" may land me in hot water.

We live in this beautiful kaleidoscope of a world that merits acceptance or at least the common courtesy to keep "off color" (pun intended) comments to yourself.

Her being a middle aged, southern white woman does NOT excuse this, and it's bugging me. I'm tired of "letting it go". She needs to zip the lip.

Suggestions?
I think your diversity department is a good place to start, but really it's probably best to file a complaint to HR. I'm not sure some of these are even microaggressions. The comment about "I speak English" just seems like a flat out discriminatory comment, not a microaggression at all. And the comment about the "ethnic" names is highly offensive - not a microaggression at all, that's an outright racist remark. What I'd do is go to HR and say that these remarks, some of which are veiled and some of which are outright racist, make you feel very uncomfortable, if not discriminated against by your co-worker.

Seriously, those comments are not okay, not even from a white Southern woman, I lived in the South with plenty of white Southern women. I suspect she knows exactly what she's saying.

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Default Aug 25, 2022 at 10:02 PM
  #4
I'm sorry you are going through this.

What this woman is saying is not ok. I tend to disagree with the comment that she may not know what she is doing...

Do you really like the job and everything else? Do you have a work friend? Can you avoid her?

It's been my experience that people like that don't change - they get worse.

Any techniques or assistance in getting away from her? That would be my advice. I don't think confronting such people makes the situation any better - but that has been my personal experiences in life. Others, perhaps, may have other tips. I feel for you!
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Default Sep 05, 2022 at 08:27 AM
  #5
I am so so sorry that you have to experience something like this. The world is so messed up for things like this to still happen in this day and age. The saddest part is a lot of them go unchecked and believe that this behavior is completely "normal".

It's also horrific that this is not limited to people of ethnic backgrounds. As the oldest in my workplace–microaggressions can also come in the form of ageism. I was working with our social media team (not really my cup of tea, one can assume) and I was tasked to create pitches for leads in our social media marketing space–basically a proposal. I was honestly scared but I took a chance at it and went ahead with making it.

Not long after our meeting, I (unknowingly) eavesdropped on a group of colleagues. "What? *My name* is going to do the proposals? Does she even know how Instagram works?" then two of the others laughed.

I know I'm not the most techie individual, but this is not the first instance. I always get snickers and chuckles whenever I ask about something that is, apparently, "common" knowledge nowadays. Is it my fault I'm not up-to-date with the most recent software? Applications?

In hindsight, maybe joining a digital agency was not the best idea for someone like me. Still though, it stings.
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Default Sep 05, 2022 at 08:33 AM
  #6
I don't think confronting your coworker would help, but I'd go to HR.

I would think anyone in the US could pronounce Mario just from Nintendo in the 90s. I certainly can pronounce Mario and Luigi from that.

I have also experienced people talking about Covid originating from eating habits in China, even though there's no proof of this. This has even happened on this site. There's a lot of misinformation out there.

Several times, I have had people assume I was not born in the US even though I was and have always had an American accent. This happens with White and Black people.
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