[phdanxiety]

Last two years of my career were a rollercoaster. In 2021, I've decided to persue my dream and applied for a PhD in cognitive science. Unfortunately, the lab that paid me and gave me equipment got closed because of the war (although I'm still formally a PhD student with many obligations). I had to move with my supervisor to another end of the country. We tried to set a lab there, wrote hundreds of funding applications, but nothing worked. For a few months i literally had no income.

Ir was hard to find a new position, because I don't have that much skills yet 😔 Finally, I landed a part-time job in a lab (not very relevant, but that's an opportunity to get some useful programming skills), plus part-time teaching, plus part-time lecturing - all of it was barely enough to keep me afloat. Plus I still had my unpaid dissertation project to finish

In December 2022, semester of teaching and lecturing has ended. I felt so burnt out, that I did not look for another job, even though the money from the part-time lab position didn't cover even my food and living at student dorms. I tried to give myself time to recharge, but nothing helped.

I'm so overwhelmed. My supervisor is pressuring me to work on my dissertation and publications, saying that i won't be able to graduate if i won't speed up. Also, he promises to get me more courses to teach in the next year, but that's more frightening than inspiring. Also, I have obligations at the lab (my only source of money right now), and i already let down one of my colleague there... i don't know if i will cope with it.

And really, it's not as much as it sounds. Many of PhD students in my university are doing more. I have only three days of formal job responsibilities right now, but i can't make myself work during the rest of the week (on dissertation and articles)

Also, as a phd student, i have exams and several courses. At the most interesting one, the professor noticed me. We chatted a bit and he said that he likes the way i'm thinking. He suggested that I should write a motivational letter and apply for a part-time job in his lab (again, with a very small salary). I agreed to do it, because projects in his lab (although new to me and not relevant to my dissertation) are very much alike to those inspiring studies that initially dragged me into cognitive science.

I should be excited, but i'm not. Tomorrow is the deadline, already postponed. Today my supervisor called me and insisted that i should describe HIS research interests in my motivational letter, not mine. I refused, we argued for the first time, and that call was paralyzing. Now i'm procrastinating and don't know how to make myself work. I've had several days of rest, but i don't feel rested. Instead of working on my motivational letter, burning drafts or dissertation, I think about quitting entirely

What should I do?

I'll be greatful for any advice or new option.

[Bill3]

I'm very sorry that things have been so rough.

Are you in a position to get support from a counselor, therapist, or other nonjudgmental person?

[divine1966]

It sounds very hard. Sadly many PhD students experience somewhat similar situations. It’s literally impossible to do while working. It’s all too much.

When my daughter was accepted to PhD program, she decided she’d only do it if she received a grant allowing her not to work. Grant was available but for only one person a year and she didn’t get it. She decided to try again next year as PhD program agreed to keep the spot for her but life had other turns and twists. She chose to take on different career path and gave up on PhD plans etc Some people were disappointed. But I could imagine how that would go. It would either take many years to finish or she’d be too overwhelmed to even continue.

It’s impressive you do all that. I’d not worry about what others do. We are all different.

I don’t really have any good advice. Personally I think maybe just sucking up and finishing the degree that would lead to more stability and income? That might be a motivation- knowing it will be over and you could do things with your degree? Quitting won’t get you there. But heck is hard!!

I second Bill’s suggestion. Is there any counseling available? I know things are rough right now and some stuff might not be there. Where are you in Russia at the moment? What region, if you don’t mind asking

I can tell that you're really stressed out by your situation and based on everything going on, I understand why you want to quit.

I'm so overwhelmed. My supervisor is pressuring me to work on my dissertation and publications, saying that i won't be able to graduate if i won't speed up. Also, he promises to get me more courses to teach in the next year, but that's more frightening than inspiring. Also, I have obligations at the lab (my only source of money right now), and i already let down one of my colleague there... i don't know if i will cope with it.

And really, it's not as much as it sounds. Many of PhD students in my university are doing more. I have only three days of formal job responsibilities right now, but i can't make myself work during the rest of the week (on dissertation and articles)

Also, as a phd student, i have exams and several courses. At the most interesting one, the professor noticed me. We chatted a bit and he said that he likes the way i'm thinking. He suggested that I should write a motivational letter and apply for a part-time job in his lab (again, with a very small salary). I agreed to do it, because projects in his lab (although new to me and not relevant to my dissertation) are very much alike to those inspiring studies that initially dragged me into cognitive science.

I should be excited, but i'm not. Tomorrow is the deadline, already postponed. Today my supervisor called me and insisted that i should describe HIS research interests in my motivational letter, not mine. I refused, we argued for the first time, and that call was paralyzing. Now i'm procrastinating and don't know how to make myself work. I've had several days of rest, but i don't feel rested. Instead of working on my motivational letter, burning drafts or dissertation, I think about quitting entirely

What should I do?

I'll be greatful for any advice or new option.

I think you could definitely stay active in your PhD program. First, break all of your responsibilities into doable tasks via a schedule. Literally, create an Excel sheet with the time listed in columns:

On the left side:

6:00 AM to midnight

Add the 7 days of the week above all of the columns.

Next to the time table in 30 minute increments or 15 minute increments (you choose the increment), are these columns, side-by-side:

A: Dissertation
B: Exams
C: Mental Health activities
D: Part-time job search
E: Physical Health
F: Research
G: Fun activities (free!)
H: Course schedule
I: Social relationships

An attorney who lives down the hall from me does this with an Excel spreadsheet because he works full-time and studies in law school at night and showed me his Excel spreadsheet. It actually keeps him motivated, he told me. I'm thinking of doing the same thing for myself; only with a white dry erase board that I have in my kitchen.

Procrastination isn't a bad habit per se. It's the mind/body response to stress when we feel overwhelmed with all of our responsibilities and don't know where to start prioritizing. Once we break-up the responsibilities into manageable timetables and tasks, then our mind/body can start to relax because now we have a schedule. For example, my mother died 2 months ago during my last semester of graduate school. I have 3 weeks to finish writing my thesis. My thesis is 3 sections.

Due to my grief fog brain from coping with my sadness for the entire month of February, I wasn't able to write a single word. All I did was procrastinate because my mind/body shut down from my grief. Now? I'm coming out of the grief brain fog because I want to get my masters and finish my program. The second week of March I was finally able to start writing and revising.

Our peer editing is next week and our paper presentations are at the end of the second week of April. My professors have been very understanding of my situation.

I would urge you to speak to your program dean about your situation, to get some leeway with your professors. Possibly take a semester off to find a part-time job and reboot your mental health then return the next semester.

PhD programs are brutal in every possible way on the person financially, mentally, socially, and physically. When one of those 4 areas (or all of them) are out of sync, the entire person becomes out of sync. What would it look like if you did take a semester off? How would you use that semester off? Would you stay in touch with your professors and program dean? Would you use that time to get physical exercise and nutrition back on track? How would you schedule your time if you just took a 3-month break from your PhD program?

Now, if you don't want to finish it, that's always a choice too. There is no right or wrong here. This is your life so you can literally move in whichever direction that you feel suits you best. I wish you the best of luck.

[DoroMona]

If you quit now, will you be able to get a master's degree at least? You're only 2 years into your degree. Which means that if you quit, you haven't lost too much time, yet. You also managed to learn some programming. Most PhDs take over 4 years to earn. Do you think you can realistically survive a minimum of 2-3 more years like this? If you quit, do you have any idea what you want to do? Have you looked at jobs that interest you? Are they available to you now, or you need a PhD to apply for any of them?

I have a PhD and it took me far down a road I no longer want to be on. My friends without PhDs on average have less stressful lives and were building up coherent work experience while I was doing research that has very little to do with my current work. My story is not your story, but there is a huge opportunity cost involved in pursuing a PhD. Personally, I wouldn't do it again.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by DoroMona

If you quit now, will you be able to get a master's degree at least? You're only 2 years into your degree. Which means that if you quit, you haven't lost too much time, yet. You also managed to learn some programming. Most PhDs take over 4 years to earn. Do you think you can realistically survive a minimum of 2-3 more years like this? If you quit, do you have any idea what you want to do? Have you looked at jobs that interest you? Are they available to you now, or you need a PhD to apply for any of them?

I have a PhD and it took me far down a road I no longer want to be on. My friends without PhDs on average have less stressful lives and were building up coherent work experience while I was doing research that has very little to do with my current work. My story is not your story, but there is a huge opportunity cost involved in pursuing a PhD. Personally, I wouldn't do it again.

Those are good points.

I assumed he already has masters degree prior to applying for PhD? Most programs would not accept application with undergrad degree. But maybe it’s different in other countries

It’s a good point though: do you need PhD for what you do or want to do for a living. I have a couple of coworkers with PhD. They do exact same job that I do with my Masters. The only difference they get paid I think 2k more a year. It wouldn’t justify it for me at all. They owe so much in student loans for that PhD that 2k just not cutting it!

[WastingAsparagus]

Originally Posted by Motts

I can tell that you're really stressed out by your situation and based on everything going on, I understand why you want to quit.


I think you could definitely stay active in your PhD program. First, break all of your responsibilities into doable tasks via a schedule. Literally, create an Excel sheet with the time listed in columns:

On the left side:

6:00 AM to midnight

Add the 7 days of the week above all of the columns.

Next to the time table in 30 minute increments or 15 minute increments (you choose the increment), are these columns, side-by-side:

A: Dissertation
B: Exams
C: Mental Health activities
D: Part-time job search
E: Physical Health
F: Research
G: Fun activities (free!)
H: Course schedule
I: Social relationships

An attorney who lives down the hall from me does this with an Excel spreadsheet because he works full-time and studies in law school at night and showed me his Excel spreadsheet. It actually keeps him motivated, he told me. I'm thinking of doing the same thing for myself; only with a white dry erase board that I have in my kitchen.

Procrastination isn't a bad habit per se. It's the mind/body response to stress when we feel overwhelmed with all of our responsibilities and don't know where to start prioritizing. Once we break-up the responsibilities into manageable timetables and tasks, then our mind/body can start to relax because now we have a schedule. For example, my mother died 2 months ago during my last semester of graduate school. I have 3 weeks to finish writing my thesis. My thesis is 3 sections.

Due to my grief fog brain from coping with my sadness for the entire month of February, I wasn't able to write a single word. All I did was procrastinate because my mind/body shut down from my grief. Now? I'm coming out of the grief brain fog because I want to get my masters and finish my program. The second week of March I was finally able to start writing and revising.

Our peer editing is next week and our paper presentations are at the end of the second week of April. My professors have been very understanding of my situation.

I would urge you to speak to your program dean about your situation, to get some leeway with your professors. Possibly take a semester off to find a part-time job and reboot your mental health then return the next semester.

PhD programs are brutal in every possible way on the person financially, mentally, socially, and physically. When one of those 4 areas (or all of them) are out of sync, the entire person becomes out of sync. What would it look like if you did take a semester off? How would you use that semester off? Would you stay in touch with your professors and program dean? Would you use that time to get physical exercise and nutrition back on track? How would you schedule your time if you just took a 3-month break from your PhD program?

Now, if you don't want to finish it, that's always a choice too. There is no right or wrong here. This is your life so you can literally move in whichever direction that you feel suits you best. I wish you the best of luck.

I am in a MA program writing my dissertation, so similarly, I need discipline. What you said about the Excel spreadsheet really rang a bell for me though, so thanks! Hoping the OP can find some sort of balance, too.