My friend is a problem at work

My friend has a long history at work. Including being written up for insubordination... and being demoted. Honestly, all of those incidents I believe were her fault.

But now she has had another incident. In sum, someone accused her of being drunk at work and other things. Management gave her no notice to prepare and confronted her yesterday. I think she covered but... I also think she lied. Now I don't think she was drunk but I think she was hung over. And I was so shocked when I heard the allegations I thought she should immediately go and talk to the workplace conduct people because (if you truly were innocent) it would be dangerous to have someone lie about you like that. But, my friend, didn't want to do that. So that leads me to believe most of it was true. She admitted to some of the behavior that was minor.. like swearing.

She also had an incident with her manager that she doesn't think was an issue but I think she is really facing action about the manager issue and they are sort of hiding behind this co worker complaint.

My friend now is terrified she is going to be fired. I am unsure... I think if they buy her explanations she probably could just get a write up. If they don't, I think yes, it could be the end... this is a third strike. They advertised for some positions that are essentially what my friend is doing now.. they usually send out notice of these positions to all -- they didn't this time. And they have claimed for years they have a tight budget..... and can't hire people -- but they could if she was gone. The pay for the two positions is roughly equal (entry level) to her salary.

If it isn't the end she can't have any more issues and I think she will. She can't accept that much of what happened to her was her own fault. I faced some of what she did with a bad boss, but I have never been written up for anything, never demoted, and had good reviews during that time.

If its a choice between being drunk at work or just hung over - i think it is safe to say that your friend has an alcohol problem. The only way of saving her employment status might be to admit she has a problem and go for inpatient treatment asap. Many companies have programs for this, check your insurance benefits.

I think it is her being childish. She was made to return to the office (instead of teleworking) and she was upset about that. So I think she has this idea that she isn't going show up for work looking happy and ready to go. Not sure she meant to appear hung over but I wouldn't be surprised if she drank a lot the night before and had sort of an attitude about showing up at work and didn't really think anyone would notice.

I don't think she has a true alcohol problem.

She called again last night and we talked for 3 hours. To me this is imho evidence that she probably did the things they are saying or she wouldn't be so worried. I told her there is nothing she can do about it now. But I did tell her she has to think about seriously moving to another job right now. Previously I told her to do that and she didn't and she got demoted and I let it go because she was just trying to keep up with the job and couldn't seriously be pursuing another job, but, now she has sort of a slow job and can take leave at any time.

To me this whole thing sounds like "mobbing" where every minor infraction is blown up to major incidents. And even if she survives this one I think she isn't going to make it until retirement (10 years away). She is being watched with a fine tooth comb. That always ends in disaster.

I do think this one will not result in firing -- basically many polices require written allegations and lots of paperwork and at the moment no paperwork has been provided. Also, it has been 4 years since her last incident so I think it is hard to make the case that firing is the only option when she has been an ok employee for 4 years.

I was little harder on her yesterday she seems to think she has a right to this job and she doesn't. I hope she heard me.

Though this whole thing tends to make me a little bitter and paranoid for me. This whole incident happened because some co worker didn't like her interaction with her and went to management. Though they had only been working together for 2 weeks. That is terrifying. When I go into the office so many people just walk into my office and start talking -- and even if I don't agree with them about what they are talking about, to be polite, I talk with them and usually agree -- even if I don't agree. I have written on my self evaluation how problematic that is and wrote not having it was a perk of telework. Also it came out there was an allegation about telework -basically that she wasn't working when she was doing telework. Though we have a system where the work is entered in and time stamped so my friend was like, run my reports. But I found out the person making the allegation was required to work in the office 5 days a week -- no telework. So obviously she is jealous about that.

Is that what we are going to be having now? People who can't telework jealous of those who do?

Now I am angry but I can't do anything about it.

Start distancing yourself, be “in the middle of something”, don’t get dragged into hours-long conversations with this person. You can’t help.

No she is a friend.

The good news is that her first day back there was no action. No further meeting or mention of it. If they had decided to fire her I think they would have moved quickly. Today is her first day back in the office. I think they could be waiting to see how she does in person.

Ok an entire week and no new action. I think that is a win. My best guess was that it wasn't anything to worry about and I think that is the case. Usually HR moves fast when taking action.

So management did a written write up on the conversation that was submitted to the boss on the zoom call. To me, it sounds as positive as possible. And I do think my co worker should let it go. There were a few things that I have concerns about but overall it was very positive. It doesn't appear any action is going to be taken and this seems like it was just chalked up to "miscommunication".

I still think my friend should, at some point, go to the "workplace coordinator" and say -- hey, I don't want you to do anything but I want to run this by you.

So there will be a third party she can report her concerns to. (because I am not supposed to know about it).

The allegation that my friend was "slurring her words" was left in, but also her denial that it ever happened was left in. I remain convinced that the fact that any co worker would allegedly notice slurring words and not say anything right then (this could have been a stroke) is evidence of ill intent.

I am having an issue with a co worker at work as well. She is not allowed to telework and she is so lonely she sucks up at least 3 hours of my time every day when I am in... she calls me at home now too, finally something that was said in jest / because I am forced to talk to her.. was blabbed and it puts me at risk. So I now realized I can't talk to her anymore. But I feel like this is because this co worker is so lonely and has no one to talk to.

Telework is a nightmare.

My boss mistakenly sent me the materials for the manager's meeting. Usually if there is an HR issue it is on there.

This was not on there. Leading me to believe it has not risen to a management issue.

So I told my friend and I think we can close this one out.

I am going to make an effort to distance myself. She needs to concentrate on her life / work and I need to concentrate on mine.

So my friend shared with me her *thoughts* - she is going to try to apply for a job - that she has no business applying for. Ok fine, let her apply and fail... but, she is going to ask for special treatment because of her challenges. Oh boy. Treatment I don't get in that same position.

I feel bad for her and I know she is a good employee but I feel like she has never truly come to terms with her position. She is months out from management entertaining the idea that she was drunk on the job and possibly being fired and now she wants to apply for a job and start demanding special treatment? Absolutely infuriating. I tried to point out all the reasons this isn't a good idea... including the fact that she lives very far from the workplace and so the commute would be a bear on top of a challenging job. (that she was previously fired from).

Not listening.

How do you say to someone that no, they do deserve the place they are in. I have been in the job 20 years and even with an abusive boss I was never so much as written up. But management won't let me have any other position.

She has numerous write ups and was demoted are they really going to let her have another such position that she was demoted from?

I care mostly because she is trying to do an end run around management and go directly to the boss. If she gets it, with the special treatment, I will be royally poed. If she doesn't get it... I think she will be fired or further demoted. Management will not put up with that.

So frustrating.

So my friend is desperate to prove that she can do the work she was once assigned. So she volunteered to cover this week. Me and some others. Once she got there... someone asked her to cover... such that... she was covering EVERYONE in the building.

This of course, could have ended in disaster. If something had gone wrong or there had been a change of plans... there wouldn't have been anyone able to cover.

She does these things because she wants to brag -- and wants to brag because she wants to prove she was demoted from a job unfairly.

So she goes to management to tell them how she covered the entire building yesterday and what do you think the entirely predicable response was? They were mad at her for doing that.

She doesn't understand. Of course they are mad. They made assignments which you ignored and if disaster had happened management would have been in trouble.. first for the lack of coverage and second for not keeping you in line?

So today she is also back. She is the only person available -- other than me -- to cover. Guess what... she texts me that her mom is in the ER. (her mom has chronic health problems) this is why though she is desperate to prove her self -- she is unreliable. I cannot cover today so ...

Hope this day isn't a disaster.

Thankfully it wasn't a disaster but something went wrong technically with her email and she wasn't getting them. Though it wasn't her fault it caused issues... and that is what they don't want.. issues.

I am starting to think this friend isn't going to make it to retirement. She is growing reckless in her quest to prove them wrong and get out of doing -- what she thinks is - work below her.

I have explained to her a zillion times that she has core work to do that she has been assigned and if this freelancing interferes with that they will end it (or her) and she is already pawning that work off on other people because she got behind on the side work. I am also frustrated that she keeps turning herself into a pretzel to assist a co worker who know would not do that for her.