What do you say when customers ask if you have a boyfriend?

Discombobulated · Jun 27, 2023 at 01:51 PM

I totally understand how you feel, it happened to me a while back at work, except he outright gave me his number, I’m also middle aged and it felt ‘off’ to me and took me by surprise.

I actually felt it wasn’t appropriate to ask me out while I’m at my job, I mean would someone do that with a doctor? A dentist? No. So why feel it’s okay to chat up shop assistants, we’re doing our jobs too and we’re not on sale! I agree it’s fine to assert your boundaries but if you don’t feel comfortable being direct that’s okay too, there’s subtle ways and means of letting people know you aren’t available.

TishaBuv · 05:11 PM

There were guys who came in to the store acting like they were looking to buy something, but really wanted to hit on me. They took up my time, making me show them things to buy, while they felt me out to see if they could get a date with me. Yes, I was seemingly For Sale just like the merchandise, lol! So, I had to be nice because they were a customer and then they’d usually buy something because they didn’t want to look that awful, as they actually were. So, I suppose, I made some sales because of it, ha!

Then there were quite a few I actually did go out with! In hindsight, I can see the red flags I missed back then. I’d have done myself a favor to have not gone out with any of those guys. What a funny time in my life, to be that dating age and a “mall chick”.

You’re never too old to get hit on at your place of employment :-)

divine1966 · Jun 28, 2023 at 05:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FloatThruThis

You make a good point. I’m happily single, but I never say it out loud. That would be weird. I have plenty of other weird things to say, if I was more of a talker.

I could turn it around & ask him why, but I don’t want to know. It’s so awkward.

I don’t mean to ask him because you want to know. When people ask inappropriate questions, asking them why they had to ask shuts them down

divine1966 · Jun 28, 2023 at 05:14 AM

You can also say that you have a girlfriend.

Discombobulated · Jun 28, 2023 at 07:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

I don’t mean to ask him because you want to know. When people ask inappropriate questions, asking them why they had to ask shuts them down

That’s a good point about shutting down. Also about gf. Really I wouldn’t assume someone’s sexuality.

FloatThruThis · Jun 28, 2023 at 08:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WovenGalaxy

He was the one who made it awkward by asking you. You could say "I'm private." And leave it at that. You live and learn. Do you like this person as just a person? Or was he making you uncomfortable? You are allowed to have boundaries.

I like him as a customer. I was uncomfortable, but I am uncomfortable in most social situations. I’m comfortable in my job though.

FloatThruThis · Jun 28, 2023 at 08:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

You can also say that you have a girlfriend.

I’m afraid that might be too titillating for some straight men imagining two women together. I’m sure some people suspect I am gay too. Someone once told me I was pretty butch for a straight chick.

I could say I’m an asexual though. At this point in my life, I feel like that is the most accurate label for me. But then it opens the door to discussing sexuality and the response “Maybe you just haven’t met the right guy yet.” Which is what this customer said to me when I was trying to explain my lack of boyfriend.

Basically, I told him I don’t have a boyfriend. I don’t want a boyfriend. I’ve dated a variety of men in my life and I am not looking for a boyfriend. I’m not bitter about it though.

unaluna · Jun 28, 2023 at 10:07 AM

Dont forget, statistics show that order of happiness is:

1. Married men
2. Single women
3. Married women
4. Single men

Why would you want to drop down in the rankings? THAT could make ya bitter!

In a nutsell, "single women are happier than married women."

I think its because they only have to wash their own undergotchies.

Discombobulated · Jun 28, 2023 at 01:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FloatThruThis

I’m afraid that might be too titillating for some straight men imagining two women together. I’m sure some people suspect I am gay too. Someone once told me I was pretty butch for a straight chick.

I could say I’m an asexual though. At this point in my life, I feel like that is the most accurate label for me. But then it opens the door to discussing sexuality and the response “Maybe you just haven’t met the right guy yet.” Which is what this customer said to me when I was trying to explain my lack of boyfriend.

Basically, I told him I don’t have a boyfriend. I don’t want a boyfriend. I’ve dated a variety of men in my life and I am not looking for a boyfriend. I’m not bitter about it though.

There’s a huge variety of sexuality and it’s no one else’s business (unless you choose to share) what yours is. I’m married but wear protective gloves so the man who hit on me didn’t see my wedding ring (he had seen me with my adult son however) but I wasn’t comfortable talking to him about my married status, that’s my boundary, I’m at work and don’t owe a customer any explanation of my life. It sounds like this guy was also possibly trying to hit on you, but not in a particularly adept way.

Are you feeling okay about the situation now?

FloatThruThis · Jun 28, 2023 at 02:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

Dont forget, statistics show that order of happiness is:

1. Married men
2. Single women
3. Married women
4. Single men

Why would you want to drop down in the rankings? THAT could make ya bitter!

In a nutsell, "single women are happier than married women."

I think its because they only have to wash their own undergotchies.

Yeah, I agree. I’ve spent most of my adult life as a contentedly single person, and I don’t have a good enough reason to change now. I like things as they are.

FloatThruThis · Jun 28, 2023 at 02:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Discombobulated

There’s a huge variety of sexuality and it’s no one else’s business (unless you choose to share) what yours is. I’m married but wear protective gloves so the man who hit on me didn’t see my wedding ring (he had seen me with my adult son however) but I wasn’t comfortable talking to him about my married status, that’s my boundary, I’m at work and don’t owe a customer any explanation of my life. It sounds like this guy was also possibly trying to hit on you, but not in a particularly adept way.

Are you feeling okay about the situation now?

Yes, I feel better about it after talking to you all. Thank you for helping me process it!

Aviza · Jun 29, 2023 at 04:27 PM

I make one up. I've had boyfriends I know what relationships are, I just say yes make up dates, topics if you have to. Just so they don't try to get involved with you. Or wear a ring on your wedding finger.

FloatThruThis · Jul 01, 2023 at 09:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aviza

I make one up. I've had boyfriends I know what relationships are, I just say yes make up dates, topics if you have to. Just so they don't try to get involved with you. Or wear a ring on your wedding finger.

I don’t even want to go to the effort of lying. I’ve thought about wearing a ring, but I hate the way wearing jewelry feels on me. It’s weird. I think if I’m ever asked if I have a boyfriend again, I’ll just say “No, thank you,” make noncommittal shrugs at any follow up questions, & use it as an exercise for breathing through/tolerating uncomfortable awkwardness knowing it will eventually pass. Thank you though!

FloatThruThis · Oct 04, 2023 at 07:50 PM

It happened again. Different customer. I thought he was married & was trying to set me up with someone else. My face got super red again. I told him I was a cat lady & my heart belongs to cats—which is the truth. And then I assured him it was nothing “weird”. I thanked him & he left. I think I’m getting slightly better at this.

Molinit · Oct 04, 2023 at 08:08 PM

“I don’t know you like that” and continuing the transaction the customer wants to complete is all that needs to be said here.

You don’t have to lie, wear a ring or explain your sexuality to anyone.

divine1966 · Oct 07, 2023 at 12:05 PM

I don’t get it. So weird. There must be something wrong with me. No one ever asked me such a thing.

Samicat · Oct 09, 2023 at 09:03 PM

I think the best answer if you're single is "kind of" - which implies you might be dating someone but is not your boyfriend yet. I personally would then say "why do you ask?"

I would not give any other details - name, or anything else. None of their business. You could always say "I don't want to jinx it by talking about it."

In my view it's good to have pre-prepared answers. Men don't understand how predatory their attention can seem when they are quizzing you about your personal life at your place of employment.

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divine1966 Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2014 Location: US Posts: 22,883 (SuperPoster!) 9 1,295 hugs given	Jun 28, 2023 at 05:14 AM #24 You can also say that you have a girlfriend.
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unaluna Elder Harridan x-hankster Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Milan/Michigan Posts: 40,917 (SuperPoster!) 13 68.8k hugs given	Jun 28, 2023 at 10:07 AM #28 Dont forget, statistics show that order of happiness is: 1. Married men 2. Single women 3. Married women 4. Single men Why would you want to drop down in the rankings? THAT could make ya bitter! In a nutsell, "single women are happier than married women." I think its because they only have to wash their own undergotchies.
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Aviza Magnate Member Since Jan 2013 Location: Midwest Posts: 2,456 11 86 hugs given	Jun 29, 2023 at 04:27 PM #32 I make one up. I've had boyfriends I know what relationships are, I just say yes make up dates, topics if you have to. Just so they don't try to get involved with you. Or wear a ring on your wedding finger. __________________ Son: 14, 12/15/2009 R.I.P. Daughter: 20 Diagnosis: Bipolar with Psychosis. Latuda 100 mgs.
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FloatThruThis Grand Poohbah Member Since Dec 2021 Location: USA Posts: 1,975 2 2,163 hugs given	Oct 04, 2023 at 07:50 PM #34 It happened again. Different customer. I thought he was married & was trying to set me up with someone else. My face got super red again. I told him I was a cat lady & my heart belongs to cats—which is the truth. And then I assured him it was nothing “weird”. I thanked him & he left. I think I’m getting slightly better at this.
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Molinit Grand Member Member Since Nov 2015 Location: Michigan Posts: 871 9 91 hugs given	Oct 04, 2023 at 08:08 PM #35 “I don’t know you like that” and continuing the transaction the customer wants to complete is all that needs to be said here. You don’t have to lie, wear a ring or explain your sexuality to anyone.
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divine1966 Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2014 Location: US Posts: 22,883 (SuperPoster!) 9 1,295 hugs given	Oct 07, 2023 at 12:05 PM #36 I don’t get it. So weird. There must be something wrong with me. No one ever asked me such a thing.
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