What do you say when customers ask if you have a boyfriend?

FloatThruThis · Jun 24, 2023 at 10:16 AM

I could say “None of your business.” Or, “That’s personal.” But those both seem harsh. I work in a small town (less than a thousand people), where everyone is in each other’s business.

I don’t care if everyone knows I don’t have a boyfriend, but the conversation never ends there. A customer asked me this yesterday and it caught me off guard. I felt like I had to explain myself.

I should know by now almost everyone doesn’t get it and not to waste my breath. Maybe just say “No, thank you.” And shut up. Resist the urge to justify my happily satisfied single existence.

What are your thoughts?

divine1966 · Jun 24, 2023 at 10:21 AM

No one ever asked me if I have a boyfriend or husband. Why do they ask it? Are these people trying to see if you are available for them to ask you out? Are they single men?

Discombobulated · Jun 24, 2023 at 10:25 AM

I’m quite a private person so just reading this makes me feel irritated on your behalf.

I guess a lot depends upon who’s asking and why so there’s no broad response. If it’s benign I’d be gentler, especially as you say it’s a small town. Maybe smile and say “What? Working here? I’m too busy” if that sits comfortable, and move very swiftly onto something else.

Nammu · Jun 24, 2023 at 12:10 PM

I like discombobulated s answer. What! Me! I’m much to busy for a boyfriend! Or I’m not interested right now.

FloatThruThis · Jun 24, 2023 at 12:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

No one ever asked me if I have a boyfriend or husband. Why do they ask it? Are these people trying to see if you are available for them to ask you out? Are they single men?

It was a single man old enough to be my father, not that that would be out of the question for him, maybe. He’s one of our more pleasant customers that always makes a point of mentioning how happily single he is though.

FloatThruThis · Jun 24, 2023 at 12:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Discombobulated

I’m quite a private person so just reading this makes me feel irritated on your behalf.

I guess a lot depends upon who’s asking and why so there’s no broad response. If it’s benign I’d be gentler, especially as you say it’s a small town. Maybe smile and say “What? Working here? I’m too busy” if that sits comfortable, and move very swiftly onto something else.

Me too! That is a great comeback, (without seeming like a comeback) in that it answers the question & gives a good reason in one fell swoop. Thank you!

FloatThruThis · Jun 24, 2023 at 12:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu

I like discombobulated s answer. What! Me! I’m much to busy for a boyfriend! Or I’m not interested right now.

I agree. It keeps the conversation light, impersonal, & moving along to the end.

Jun 26, 2023 at 01:24 PM

I don't think there's anything wrong with saying "that's personal" or "I don't wish to disclose that". If he gets offended that's his problem.

mote.of.soul · Jun 26, 2023 at 01:41 PM

I think it's all right just to say "No, I don't" or "Yes, I do". Either way, in retail, you're probably going to have funny conversations with customers all the same.

FloatThruThis · Jun 26, 2023 at 02:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iPhone

I don't think there's anything wrong with saying "that's personal" or "I don't wish to disclose that". If he gets offended that's his problem.

True, & if the right tone is used, it doesn’t have to come across as harsh.

FloatThruThis · Jun 26, 2023 at 02:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mote.of.soul

I think it's all right just to say "No, I don't" or "Yes, I do". Either way, in retail, you're probably going to have funny conversations with customers all the same.

I agree. Hopefully if it happens again, I can just leave it at that and not feel the need to explain myself. Part of it was, I got really red, so maybe my trying to explain myself was an attempt to distract from my red face? It was awkward.

mote.of.soul · Jun 26, 2023 at 05:09 PM

@FloatThruThis

Quote:

Part of it was, I got really red, so maybe my trying to explain myself was an attempt to distract from my red face? It was awkward.

Ah, I see, yes. I can relate in my own way, in terms of awkward questions.

Yup, what I do is give them the simple basic answer then essentially resist the urge to continue explaining myself. And from there maybe just switch the convo to them somehow, while you re-gather your composure.

divine1966 · Jun 27, 2023 at 03:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FloatThruThis

It was a single man old enough to be my father, not that that would be out of the question for him, maybe. He’s one of our more pleasant customers that always makes a point of mentioning how happily single he is though.

People who make actual announcement about being “happily” single typically aren’t happy at all and are likely in a desperate search for a partner. No one actually “happily single” makes these proclamations for no reason. Why would they?

I’d ask him “why do you ask?”

unaluna · Jun 27, 2023 at 07:04 AM

I would go for a one-two punch:

"Yes, i do. Why, do you have a son my age?"

I would answer yes because a LOT of men historically ONLY respect another man's claim on you and not your power to tell them to leave you alone. They don't deserve your time and energy. And basically, they can't handle the truth. So don't engage. Don't give them anything. They need to learn to behave.

TishaBuv · Jun 27, 2023 at 07:39 AM

I worked retail in a mall when I was young and got this all the time. They ask either because they want to ask you out or fix you up with someone. Turning it back on them and saying, “Why do you ask?” Is good because it makes them get to the point. Then you have to tell them you are not interested in dating them. I have lied and said I had a bf sometimes because it was easier to shut down the conversation.

FloatThruThis · Jun 27, 2023 at 08:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

People who make actual announcement about being “happily” single typically aren’t happy at all and are likely in a desperate search for a partner. No one actually “happily single” makes these proclamations for no reason. Why would they?

I’d ask him “why do you ask?”

You make a good point. I’m happily single, but I never say it out loud. That would be weird. I have plenty of other weird things to say, if I was more of a talker.

I could turn it around & ask him why, but I don’t want to know. It’s so awkward.

FloatThruThis · Jun 27, 2023 at 08:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

I would go for a one-two punch:

"Yes, i do. Why, do you have a son my age?"

I would answer yes because a LOT of men historically ONLY respect another man's claim on you and not your power to tell them to leave you alone. They don't deserve your time and energy. And basically, they can't handle the truth. So don't engage. Don't give them anything. They need to learn to behave.

That is hilarious. I don’t think I could say that, only because I’d be laughing too hard to be understood. But maybe that would be enough of an answer?

FloatThruThis · Jun 27, 2023 at 09:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I worked retail in a mall when I was young and got this all the time. They ask either because they want to ask you out or fix you up with someone. Turning it back on them and saying, “Why do you ask?” Is good because it makes them get to the point. Then you have to tell them you are not interested in dating them. I have lied and said I had a bf sometimes because it was easier to shut down the conversation.

Yes, I thought this was one of the perks of being middle aged: not being asked that question anymore?

If I say I have a boyfriend, I’m afraid it may go something like this:

Man: Do you have a boyfriend?
Me: Yes.
Man: Oh, what’s his name?
Me: Um… Max (Max is one of our cats.)
Man: Oh, what does Max do?
Me: Um… He’s unemployed right now.
Man: How does he get by?
Me: Um… My family supports him.
Man: What kind of a man is that?
Me: Um… Well, he’s only 5 years old & actually… he’s a cat.
Man: (Stares)
Me: (Get even more red (if that’s possible) thinking I’ve just out outed myself as someone who is into bestiality with underage cats).

unaluna · Jun 27, 2023 at 10:16 AM

My mom used to shut down customers by telling them her husband was "6 foot 4 and 200 pounds." My dad was 5'4" and 130 lbs, altho pretty muscular. He would tell us, "Eh, one foot more, one foot less!"

You could just tell them youre a crazy cat lady. Why dont we have a cat emoji?!

WovenGalaxy · Jun 27, 2023 at 10:45 AM

He was the one who made it awkward by asking you. You could say "I'm private." And leave it at that. You live and learn. Do you like this person as just a person? Or was he making you uncomfortable? You are allowed to have boundaries.

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divine1966 Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2014 Location: US Posts: 22,380 (SuperPoster!) 9 1,277 hugs given	Jun 24, 2023 at 10:21 AM #2 No one ever asked me if I have a boyfriend or husband. Why do they ask it? Are these people trying to see if you are available for them to ask you out? Are they single men?
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Nammu Crone Member Since May 2010 Location: Some where between my inner mind and the solar system. Posts: 71,401 (SuperPoster!) 13 53.7k hugs given	Jun 24, 2023 at 12:10 PM #4 I like discombobulated s answer. What! Me! I’m much to busy for a boyfriend! Or I’m not interested right now. __________________ *Nammu* …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann
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Anonymous49852 Guest Posts: n/a	Jun 26, 2023 at 01:24 PM #8 I don't think there's anything wrong with saying "that's personal" or "I don't wish to disclose that". If he gets offended that's his problem.
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mote.of.soul Legendary Member Since Jan 2018 Location: New Zealand Posts: 13,136 (SuperPoster!) 6 21.9k hugs given	Jun 26, 2023 at 01:41 PM #9 I think it's all right just to say "No, I don't" or "Yes, I do". Either way, in retail, you're probably going to have funny conversations with customers all the same. __________________ "A flower falls, even though we love it; and a weed grows, even though we do not love it."- Dōgen
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unaluna Elder Harridan x-hankster Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Milan/Michigan Posts: 39,871 (SuperPoster!) 12 66.4k hugs given	Jun 27, 2023 at 10:16 AM #19 My mom used to shut down customers by telling them her husband was "6 foot 4 and 200 pounds." My dad was 5'4" and 130 lbs, altho pretty muscular. He would tell us, "Eh, one foot more, one foot less!" You could just tell them youre a crazy cat lady. Why dont we have a cat emoji?!
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WovenGalaxy Magnate Member Since Sep 2019 Location: Earth Posts: 2,854 4 4,842 hugs given	Jun 27, 2023 at 10:45 AM #20 He was the one who made it awkward by asking you. You could say "I'm private." And leave it at that. You live and learn. Do you like this person as just a person? Or was he making you uncomfortable? You are allowed to have boundaries.
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