Starting a new job

Then there’s no need to worry.

I wish you the best of luck with your new job position! I just started a new job after my own personal "hiccup." I'm embarrassed/ashamed but I've been reading the Psalms a lot at the recommendation of my therapist, which have been helping with those feelings. I'm sure you're feeling dread that something bad is going to happen because it's happened before, but remind yourself that these are cognitive distortions. I'm currently working through a Bipolar Workbook and the cognitive distortions that stand out include catastrophizing (imagining worst-case scenario), mental filter (focusing on the negative details of an event or situation without seeing the full picture), jumping to conclusions (reaching negative conclusion using only small amounts of evidence). Not sure if you're experiencing any of those distortions, but if you are, just remind yourself that they are distortions and not reality. This can help keep me from spiraling if I've started going down a rabbit hole...I can send more of the distortion examples if you'd like! Best of luck to you. I'm not sure if you are a believer in God but I know that He works all things for good, even the embarrassing things. Peace.

Thank you... I do tend to catastrophasize and distort possible outcomes. I tend to think the worst, because the worst has typically happened. I am used to bad things happening to me at work: bullying, people stealing my ideas and taking credit for my work, abuse of power, and whatnot. I haven't had the best work experiences so I end up bracing myself for the worst possible scenario. I caught myself doing that in this situation and had to stop my thought process. I do believe in God, yes. I always pray for success.

I am having the longest and craziest week at work. I'm being pulled in a thousand directions, with multiple high priority tasks being asked of me at once. More presentations to develop and give to higher ups. I've gotten very little implemented SEO-wise because other priorities always take precedence. I am tired. Exhausted in fact. I woke up wishing it were Friday.

And freelancing financially is proving to stretch me thin. I have to pay for my own health insurance, and that's a huge dent out of my monthly paychecks. And when there's a holiday and day off, I don't get paid for that time off, so I lose several hundred dollars in one day. I am just scraping by, despite earning a good salary. I have to plan ahead now for days off financially.

I hope I get hired full time in January. Despite any complaints, I still believe it's a good job and a good place for me. It's hard and very challenging, yes, but so is any job and any organization. I love my boss, I like my teammates, and I am enjoying working with various people I am meeting. The people are great, so that's a huge positive. And my boss supports me, goes to battle for me on my behalf, and speaks up for me to get my voice heard. I love that. She trusts me and believes in me, and that's the majority of the battle right there. So, I have a great boss for once, and for that, I am eternally grateful. I've had horrible bosses in the past. Bosses who are threatened. by me and who have tried to squash my success. My boss isn't threatened whatsoever. It's healthy.

The only concern I have right now is burnout. Each day this week I get up and feel like I've been run over by an eighteen wheeler truck. Then I have to pull myself together to face work all over again. I am burning out quickly. I am stretched thin. I will need assistance at some point, and I know my boss is already aware of this.

Just read the thread. I hope they hire you full-time in January. A good boss is 90% of the battle at work.

Thank you, @Samicat! It is about 90% would say!! It counts for a lot.

I messed up the other day at work. Not a HUGE colossal mistake, but I stepped on my junior colleague's toes without realizing it. We're building a powerpoint presentation together with others involved too. I revised some of my colleague's slide that he had worked on without asking him first. It had to do with a case study regarding my own work. I updated the slide to show more relevant data and a more relevant graph/chart. Then in our group meeting as we were reviewing the slides, my boss told us as a group to not erase each other's work. She was speaking about me. Man, did I feel horrible. It was an innocent mistake on my part, but I got called out for it and did apologize to my colleague and boss. I woke up this morning still feeling awful about it. I tend to beat myself up over mistakes, even though we all make them.

That aside, the good news is it looks like I am getting a full time, permanent job offer. I've been working there for 11 weeks so far, and my contract doesn't end until January, but they are happy with my work overall and wish to hire me. Great news!!!!! I love working there, and will accept the offer. Hopefully they will give me a decent salary and won't lower the salary from the hourly rate I am earning right now.

Everything else seems to be going very well. They are happy with me, and I am happy with them... this one mistake aside.

I received the job offer from NB yesterday, but they low balled me on salary by 20K! I am really disappointed, after ALL the hard work I've put in. I am negotiating and am asking for 20K more, or the equivalent of what I earn now for them. I am praying they at least come close to what I am asking for. I used payscale to calculate my market worth, and the amount I am asking is on the high end of the range quoted. Fingers crossed.

They gave me 11k more than what I asked for!!! Wow. I feel sooo blessed and grateful. I accepted the job!!!!

UGH!

I've been exposed to COVID and had to remove myself from our all-day long company-wide conference yesterday to go get tested at Urgent Care.

My test came back negative, but the doctor said I could still test positive in the next few days.

So, I have to work from home for the rest of the week, and I missed the entire second day of our company's social gathering and conference.

I am so bummed! This was a great opportunity to socialize, bond, and get to know people better. And now I have to test myself each day to make sure I don't have COVID.

What a huge drag!!!

So, last night, I wrote an email to my old employer who fired me last January.

I came from the perspective of honesty and candor vs. animosity and ill will. I was very straight forward and forthcoming with my thoughts and opinions on what had happened in that job.

I wrote to the CEO and also to the VP. It's a small agency of 20 people and is only 6 years old.

I told the CEO that I believed she let me go because I had to take a leave of absence, and because of my mental health condition.

I told her that she never truly gave me a chance to prove my worth and value at her agency because they dragged their heels for many months on giving me clients so I COULD prove my skills to them. They never gave me any clients, despite telling me each month that they would.

I also told her that I am very happy now in a position that earns me 25K more than what they paid me, and that the company I am in now is very welcoming of me and appreciative of me.

The whole point of this email was to confront the TRUTH.

They didn't want to deal with me because I presented a mental health condition and that caused a problem for them. It was discrimination, but I did not accuse the CEO of discrimination in my email. I simply said that I believe that's why I was let go.

She didn't even have the guts to face me herself and to tell me that she was letting me go last January, when she had been involved in my interview process. She was cowardly, I felt and gutless. She should have been there and she should have had the decency to at least thank me for my hard work and contributions, because I did work very hard for them. But she did not extend that courtesy to me, and I told her this as well in my email. She basically had her underlings do her dirty work for her.

I was not writing out of malice and even wrote that I have no hard feelings because I am very happy where I am now. But the bottom line is that they did not give me a chance to succeed at their agency, and they fed me a dangling carrot, promising clients that never materialized. That is not Ok, so I was honest.

I feel good about this email. I do not need her or anyone from that agency as a reference for any future employment opportunities. I would never even consider asking them. They fired me. Screw them. They lost out, in my opinion. And that also was a part of my tone in this email to the CEO.

Back to this thread.

I am constantly anxious at work. There's still SO much to learn and it's a steep learning curve for me in almost every area of my job, which causes anxiety. I also am anxious over mistakes I continue to make.

For example, last week my boss came down on me a bit because I kept our agency partner on a call for 15 additional minutes to discuss an important issue. I felt she came down in me unnecessarily. It was my first time engaging more on this weekly call, I had a lot to cover, and it was all important. The agency partners told me it was ok to go over our time limit, so I didn't see why it was such a big deal.

My boss also erroneously thought that I would have a review at this point in time. I've been only full-time with the company for over one month! WHY would we conduct a review of my performance at this point?

I am concerned I will be let go from my job. I was basically fired from my last job because my skill set did not meet their needs, as they told me. I am SO anxious about performance, about screwing up, and about learning everything, that this is where my mind goes to.

I am starting to dislike this job. There are SO many meetings Mon-Thurs, that by the time Friday rolls around, I am completely burnt out. Fridays we work from home and have no meetings, so I slack off on those days. We work from home on Mondays too. Yesterday (Monday) I found myself slacking off as well due to burnout, anxiety, and not liking my job.

I cannot leave this job until 2025. I need longevity on my resume. Otherwise, it will look REALLY bad if I leave before I've even been there for a year. So I have to stick this out, UGH.

Every day I wake up incredibly anxious. I am not even sure if my boss likes me anymore. I feel like I am screwing up all the time. I don't feel like I am doing much that well.

This sucks.

I can really feel what you ate feeling. You're not alone.
Although I don't make as much as you, my job (my last day is Dec 13) is so toxic. Co worker yells and punches her hand saying "I'm going to go ghetto on their ***" vapes at her desk. Talked about her sexual abuse and so on.

I too need to stay employed for a longer length of time. My new job starts Dec17.

I think we can do it. If we vent it out here. Get ideas from others.
I'm sending you good vibes

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Thanks so much... sending you good vibes as well!

My counterparts in the external agency are leaving. My boss and junior colleague have been speaking with the woman who held my job previously. My junior colleague is even seeing her in person later this week. And I am getting paranoid, wondering if they wish she were still in her position working with them. They said how great would it be if she came back; they're encouraging her to apply for a role with the external agency since there are open positions now.

I don't know. I am just not feeling good lately about my work. There are stumbling blocks and bottlenecks, and I don't know the technical software we're using at all. I have to learn it and there's very little training available internally. It feels like it's been bumpy for me since my arrival and now this? Now they're talking to the woman who held my position, and I wondering what they are saying to her about me.