Is this a Toxic Workplace Culture?

I started a new job 3 months ago as a freelancer and was just hired on full-time.

At first, I was in love with the company and my team, and especially with my boss. But the honeymoon has ended, and issues are starting to bubble up to the surface.

As a result, I am now wondering if I am yet again in another toxic workplace?

I am in the marketing department. It is very large. Because there are so many different teams of people I must learn and get to know, the process about who I need to get approvals from in order to implement changes on the website became muddled.

Because of this confusion, certain changes were made on the website that I had implemented which did not go through the proper approval channels.

It was caught, and brought to everyone's attention, including myself.

I took ownership over where I had gone wrong, but I also had an email chain showing who had guided me in the process for approvals, so I wasn't solely at fault.

Yesterday I met with my boss's boss in our monthly 1:1 check-in meeting.

She came down on me VERY HARD. I received criticism after criticism, at the end of which I had to ask her, "is there anything positive you can tell me?"

I walked away and practically broke down in tears.

For the last 3 months, I've been on a high of feeling great about my work, my team, the company, and the impact I am having.

But after this meeting, I walked away feeling the opposite - like I am doing everything wrong, like I am rubbing people the wrong way, and like I am not fitting into the company culture. That's how she came across to me in this meeting.

I also now feel like I have to walk on eggshells around everyone's feelings. People are so incredibly sensitive in this company!! Argh. I have never met more sensitive people. You have to craft every word in every freaking email just so, so as to not step on anyone's toes, exclude, or offend anyone.

I am a no-nonsense, get down to business kind of person who communicates in a direct and honest manner. I do not beat around the bush. I am also very professional. I want to get things done the right way, I want to make a positive impact on company revenue, and I express my opinions openly, passionately, and with candor and enthusiasm.

Well, this woman, my boss's boss, made me feel like I am no longer welcome in the company, or even in my department.

I almost cried when I returned to my desk. I talked to my boss about it right afterwards. She made me feel slightly better, but I still felt like I had been completely wrist slapped and brought down many pegs by her boss.

Luckily, this woman is moving into a different position, and that was my final meeting with her in her current role. A male is replacing her, and I have to meet with him next week 1:1.

But, now, as a direct result of this meeting, I am wondering if I am in a toxic work environment?!?

It appears to me like I am being blamed for the implementation process getting muddled, when I had been guided by certain people through the approval process. It wasn't entirely my fault, but I am being blamed for it anyways?

And now, I also feel like I cannot be myself AT ALL.

I told my mother last night that from now on, I am going to shut up, listen, not express my opinions, keep my head down, do what I am told, and say yes to everyone.

I am also in a very tough position whereby my work is largely unknown, unseen, not understood, and therefore, not valued.

I have been educating smaller teams of people on what my work is, and the impact it can have on a website's traffic and revenue, and ultimately, the company's bottom line.

But because it is not very well understood, older beliefs and approaches take precedence vs. progressive thinking and approaches.

No wonder they are so behind all their competitors. It's a dinosaur company that sticks to tradition vs evolving and growing!

No wonder the last person in my position left the company. No wonder why she gave up in this role. I can now see why!

I am not happy about this meeting yesterday, and I am not happy about how I feel right now.

So, the honeymoon has ended, on both our sides. And now I am wondering if I should leave the company. I will have to wait until next July before even thinking of leaving, which would be one year of employment.

Does this sound toxic? Or perhaps this meeting with my boss's boss shows a hint of underlying toxicity that I am not fully aware of yet???

I've had time now to think and process my meeting with my boss's boss that I interpreted so negatively. And I've determined that this woman has a poor managerial style. She gave me a laundry list of constructive criticisms, without giving the whole picture and without mentioning anything about what I am doing well, and where I am excelling so far. She only gave criticism. That would not be my style, if I were managing other people in my job. I would start with all the positives, then I would lead up to discussing where improvements can be made.

I felt really punctured and soured after this meeting with her. And I had just been on an incredible high, after receiving a full time job offer.

In addition, with this woman, there seemed to be no room for a learning curve or mistakes.

I responded by telling her, I am new, I am learning, and I am bound to make mistakes as I am learning. I am human.

But her expectations I think are too high and unrealistic for where I really am in the acclimation process - I am only 3 months into the job. It likely takes 6 months to acclimate.

AND, in my interview with this same woman, I had told her, if you hire me, you won't be disappointed in the quality of my work after the 6- month contract ends.

I'm not even being given any room to acclimate, and this is a huge adjustment for me, coming from 2 very tiny (20 people large) and scrappy agencies, to moving into a very large, corporation that has many different depts and people with whom I must work.

Thankfully, she is moving onto an entirely separate dept within the company and will no longer be overseeing my team. Good riddance! I don't like her. She really rubbed me the wrong way the other day.

A male is taking her place., and I am hoping he is far more fair and realistic. I am going to lay the groundwork in my upcoming meeting with him. And, I am going to make it a positive one.

Wow - they've now got me under lock and key in this job. I feel like I've just been hand cuffed and thrown in jail.

Now, every single recommendation I make to improve the performance of their website has to go through 4-5 people for review and approvals, including every single tweak I make to improve page performance. My creativity and skills are now being completely squashed, and I am suddenly very concerned that I cannot be successful in this role.

On top of that, my own boss, with whom I've really enjoyed working for the last 3 months, did something very strange yesterday. We had our 1:1 weekly touch base call yesterday. She did not mention any of the above issues in this call or any of the feedback I've received from her boss as I've described above. We talked for about 45 mins and it was a positive call.

However, AFTER we had hung up, she began to type out some coaching advice on instant messenger for the next 40 minutes. She spelled out in writing that in order to succeed in the company, I must be collaborative and humble, that I must work with people on my initiatives and not tell people what to do. She said it's a team environment with many different people's opinions involved, and that I must (essentially) be a team player. That was the general gist of her messages.

This was all done in writing. What I felt was ODD was WHY didn't she say all this to me in our video call while she had me on the phone for our weekly touch base meeting? Was it done on purpose in writing to begin to document and create a paper trail on my work? Are they trying to build a case to fire me? Already? JUST after they have hired me on full time?

Also, she and her boss visited HR last Friday, after my 1:1 meeting with her boss. WHY did they go to HR? Were they trying to see if they could retract my full time job offer?

I am very suspicious right now and I am not getting a good feeling about this. My alerts are up, and my gut is telling me something is off and something is wrong.

And that's exactly how I felt after my meeting with my boss's boss last Thursday. After that meeting, I felt like she wanted me to leave the company, or be let go. I did not feel welcome by the company after that meeting. This is the same week that my full time job offer was solidified.

I asked my boss in reply a question - I said, the feedback I've been given over the last 3 months has all been very positive, until the implementation snafoo that occurred recently, and that this feedback now makes me think my approach has been all wrong, when everything was so positive. I told her that it's a bit confusing. Now, I am being told that I must be a team player, I cannot tell people what to do, and that I must be humble. So does this mean that all this time I've been receiving positive feedback, that I've come across as though I am arrogant, telling people what to do, and not acting like a team player?

I am going to ask my boss to meet with me again about this conversation. I need clarity. I want her to give me examples of times that I have not acted like a team player and examples of me telling people what to do. If that is the case, then why didn't this come up sooner as being an issue? Why, up until now, has all the feedback been so positive and the opposite? And WHY did they JUST give me a full time job offer IF this is how they really feel about me???????

I am seriously scratching my head. I think there may be a lot of dysfunction going on here that I am now just starting to see. This is what my gut tells me.

Oh man, I may not even last a year in this job. Already I want to leave. And I thought initially that I had landed the BEST job of my life!!!

Looks like I am talking to myself in this thread, lol.

Well, I spoke with my own boss about what her boss had said to me. I had a heart to heart conversation and was very open and honest with my feelings.

I told my boss that this conversation with her boss left me feeling very unwelcomed by the company and shi*tty, on the heels of my job offer. And that was because she had given me a laundry list of things to improve upon with no positives included regarding my performance, I explained. My boss was validating and said I am adding value to the company.

I also stood up for myself and said I had never been told these things in my career, only that I need more confidence. I asked her for specific examples of my behavior that may have rocked the boat or pissed people off.

She gave me a couple of examples, but these were examples from when I first arrived and when I had some trouble with the external agency's work not being correct or up to standards.

Even though we had a couple of different conversations about it at the time, my boss completely misconstrued my stance and approach, and twisted my words around to mean something else, ie, that I was telling these colleagues what to do and how to do it because I am more senior.

At the time, I had explained to my boss that I was taking on more of a leadership and coaching role with this external agency partner because I am senior to the two colleagues I am working with in years of experience. And THAT was completely misconstrued. Oh man. Given what she said to me yesterday about this, she had apparently interpreted this to mean that I am arrogant and telling them what to do. That was NOT how I handled this issue with the agency. Instead, I coached them on two separate occasions, I gave them my tips on what works well, and I had communicated that their work wasn't yet meeting my expectations and needed improvements. My boss at the time had even coached me to say exactly these things!! GEEZ!!!

So I've learned that my boss twists things that I say into something very different than was meant.

Bottom line: you cannot trust anyone in a work environment, apparently, and you always need to watch your back with what you say to people, especially your boss!

I am thinking of contacting my employment agency to see if they can find me a different contract/freelance role.

So sorry this is happening. This still sounds like it might be new-job growing pains to me and you might need to just ride it out. Also you mentioned your boss is leaving? So maybe wait to see what the new guy is like.

That's very weird about your boss not saying any of those things during your phone call but typing them up afterwards. It sounds like maybe a particular person or manager told her to tell you these things, but she didn't feel comfortable as her own perception of you is positive. It's very easy to ruffle people's feathers at a new job but I hope it will die down.

It can't be easy, but perhaps you could hang in there. You were so happy about the job a week ago and maybe this new stuff is transitory?

However, I don't see the harm in asking the agency if they have something else, just so you know if there are alternatives out there. But I assume contract work might not pay well.

@Samicat, thanks so much for your thoughts and reply! I was talking to myself for a while in this thread, lol.

I HOPE it's just newbie growing pains and a transitory bump in the road!!! I was so happy about my job and then this happened and I am not so happy now.

Yes, perhaps my boss did not feel comfortable saying those things to me on a video call - still very strange, and my suspicious mind goes to the negative by thinking she wanted to document in writing the conversation for some reason. It kind of looks that way.... I am going to just watch my back, watch what I say, keep my head down and do my work. That's how I am going to proceed... hopefully this will all blow over soon enough.

First, I'm sorry things are so difficult, but I do think you should hang in there. It might be a good idea to do like you said and keep a low profile and really just learn as much as you can about the work environment and your coworkers. Sometimes we read more into situations simply because they're foreign to us. Sometimes taking the time to figure out all of the personalities involved can help you craft how you deal with them.

Focus on doing the best work you can, don't volunteer information until you know who you can trust and resist the urge to be confrontational unless it's a serious accusation. Some managers are just lousy at dealing with people, often their attitude has nothing to do with you and more to do with their own issues. Don't do anything out of the ordinary without having it in writing. Keep an eye out for other opportunities in case you do need to make an exit. If there are any people you get along well with, work on fostering those relationships and you might get some good insight or future network connections. Try to remember that it's not forever and even a bad experience can help you learn and prepare for the future.

Good luck and I really do hope it gets better.

Hello @Knickerbocker and thank you so much for your advice and support!

I am going to do just that... and if I have to ask my boss for guidance about any issue, I am going to make sure it is done in writing.

It's a very large corporation, and I am not used to that at all. It's a big adjustment for me. Normally, I get along with most people, and I've been told in the past that I am a "joy" to work with. I have a good sense of humor, I am outgoing and friendly, and typically, I can establish very positive working relationships with most of my colleagues. Positive and harmonious relationships are my goal here.

My boss's boss may have had other stressors contributing that day that influenced how she approached me. It felt very much like a wrist slap and a warning, literally, less than a week after I had been hired on full-time. It was a shock to say the least. But yeah, she may have had other issues going on that had nothing to do with me. I am SO glad that I don't have to work with her anymore, regardless of what the issue was.

Right now things are better, but I am on guard now.

I cannot add much to the conversation except to say: I hear what you are saying. I can validate your feelings because I am definitely a toxic work environment

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You brought up communication style; I wonder why?

I recently attended a virtual training session at my company on DISC. The idea is that if you know your own style of communicating and the styles of your closest coworkers, we might get along better.
DiSC styles - discprofiles.com

I'm mostly C and S; my boss, D. My most recent 1:1 left me in shock. Like you I thought I was highly productive. But he complained about lack of progress on one project that he gave poor direction on, and about another task that I did that was based on info he failed to update me on. I called him out on this and pushed back hard and said he needed to communicate better.

But still, I felt awful for a couple of weeks after that.

Thank you so much, and I am sorry you are in a toxic workplace! How terrible. I hope you can find a way to cope until you can find another job. Hugs.

I brought that up because this particular boss (my boss's boss) in my opinion has a poor managerial and communication style. I mean, here I am, a new employee, learning the ropes in a large company, so I am bound to make mistakes as I am learning. But she came down on me SO hard, as though I should have known better and as though I had been there far longer. It had only been less than 3 months. My own boss has a far better communication style, which I appreciate. She knows how to coach me without coming down hard on me.

And good for you for pushing back with your supervisor! That's very courageous and it's important that you stood up for yourself. He needs to take ownership of his own failure to communicate well with you.

I hope things improve for you once your boss gets the new boss!

I know I commented earlier, but I thought I might add, if it's a job you really want/need to keep, it might just all come down to shifting your own perspective. Learning ways to depersonalize the work from your sense of self, at least when it comes to the bad manager. Realize that this particular manager is always going to find problems, be unrealistic and just generally be a bad manager. Do things to build your own confidence, celebrate any wins no matter how small and make a conscious effort to not let a bad work day ruin your life outside of work. You can't control what other people do, only how you respond to it. Above all, try to use it to make yourself stronger.

Good luck and I hope it gets better and this time next year you can't even remember why you were upset.

Thank you!!

Thank you!!

I am trying to do just that, and I am trying to just do my very best at work. I need to bend, compromise, and be flexible in my role dealing with others who have opinions and input that are just as important as my own.

And thankfully, my boss's boss has moved onto another role within another division in the company, so I won't have to deal with her anymore. The new person who took her place is extremely professional and polished. I don't see him being the same way.

I do take things very personally at work, which I am learning to modify. I know I need to interpret things differently and not let this kind of thing get to me. It comes from a long history of being mistreated, bullied, and abused in various workplaces. So, her treatment of me triggered my old wounds and feelings. So, I need to work on recognizing that whenever it happens.

When my boss annoys me, I've found that it helps if I "chant" for him. This is part of my Buddhist practice; there's also a Buddhist meditation called Loving Kindness that I think would work for me, but chanting is easier. Knickerbocker wrote about "shifting your own perspective." This is what chanting and Loving Kindness do for me; I don't practice with the expectation that some deity or supernatural power will change my boss. Rather, I hope to gain understanding of my boss's perspective, and, ultimately, acceptance. Thus, I am the one who changes.

I like that.. and good for you. You're right. We cannot change other people. We can only control and change ourselves.