30 day review is this afternoon

The male attorney used to be a paralegal at the law firm and he's WAY cooler than the female attorney.

I have not received the official "you're fired" conversation or email yet. But I'm dreading the 20th of Dec. that is the holiday party at the office and that's the day that the law partners approved everyone to receive a bonus.

I meant clues to my firing like, the day off I requested wasn't put on my Outlook calendar yet. Of course, that could be because the firm administrator forgot.

Also, the female attorney yelled at me yesterday for not completing a large file project before her hearing today. Yet, she didn't mark it as "TODAY" 5 days ago on the software program calendar of tasks each legal assistant uses as a point of reference for what tasks need to be done each day (they hired another legal assistant now, two weeks ago).

The law partner who knows my cousin hasn't said anything. I thought about emailing my cousin whom I have not been in contact with for decades who is an attorney. Not sure about doing that yet.

I am definitely applying for other legal jobs. I've got 6 weeks under my belt now. I put the law firm on my resume. Most legal assistants here quit b/c of the way they are mismanaged. The male attorney won't step on the female attorney's toes b/c she has seniority.

Yesterday was weird. The female attorney doled out treats in the morning to the other legal assistant and me, and then yelled at me in the afternoon. I asked the other attorney for help (the female attorney should have asked one of the 6 paralegals to help me, I was told I was not allowed to ask them for help by myself, which is just undermining me and sabotaging me). He helped me b/c he's a kind person but I felt terrible and kept muttering, "She is so mad at me. I don't want to be fired."

Just by saying that out loud, I likely sealed my fate. I am also acting insecure b /c of my unstable employment history. I just don't have the confidence that I can make this job last that long.