Do I assume my bosses know?

Yesterday the firm was open on MLK day. My coworker is a BIPOC so I treated her to lunch. At lunch, she revealed to me that she is starting her life over. This past summer, while living with her fiance, she had a pyschotic break from reality and that caused her to lose her job, lose her fiance, and lose her housing.

Yet when we first met, she told me she had a paralegal job with the state. So, I don't know if that is the job she lost due to her psychotic break, or if she just made it up?

Do I assume my two attorneys know? Do I say anything to them? Or just mind my business? If it is true, my whole attitude towards her has shifted towards more compassion. She said she disagrees with her diagnosis of bipolar with psychotic features.

Obviously, I want to show my support of her as my fellow coworker.

I found a study online that discusses the 5 typesof psychosis:

Delusions
Hallucinations
Disorganized thought
Disorganized behavior
Negative symptoms (don't know what that means)

I don't want to be afraid of her but I have to admit, I'm a little scared. I don't want her to hurt me - like, she hallicinates and thinks I'm someone else or someting else that is trying to harm her.

We sit directly across from each other based on where our cubicles are. So, we essentially sit side by side.

After 12 months of employment, she's eligible for FMLA leave if she has another psychotic break and needs to go inpatient or whatever to help her recover, that protects her from losing her job. I'm not sure why she didn't mention that before.

That's why I want to take what she told me with a grain of salt. I don't know her from Adam. I don't know if what she told me yesterday was true. I assume she would know about FMLA leave but that is me making an assumption. And I know that I shouldn't make assumptions.

Can anyone offer any advice?

Treating her differently or being afraid of her is disrespectful and discriminatory. You do realize you are posting on a support forum for mental illness don’t you?

Most certainly you shouldn’t tell your bosses anything about this person. It’s entirely her business what and if she wants to reveal to her superiors

I see no reason to treat her any differently. You could make choices how much time you want to spend with her outside of work but at work it shouldn’t really matter what mental or physical illnesses she has. I see no reason to be afraid of her.

It’s entirely possible she knows about FMLA. I am not sure why would she need to mention it to you? You mean discussing with you or her bosses? That’s not something people even talk about, not because it’s a secret but because it’s not that interesting to talk about.

I don’t know if she made it up and why. I don’t see any benefit in her telling people she had psychotic break if she really didn’t. What would be the point?

I agree. I am not going to mention it to my bosses, since it is her business. However, I think it is reasonable for me to have some fear because I have never worked with someone before who suffers from psychosis.

For anyone to expect me to not have any fear, I feel like, is discriminatory against me. That's projection and its unfair to me. I've never been in this situation before. I feel the way that I feel, and I shouldn't be labeled as a horrible person.

There are two sides to this situation and my side is just as valid as her side. I posted for advice because I am (I think) a decent person and I just want this to be a successful situation for her and I as coworkers. But I know nothing about bipolar disorder let alone, bipolar disorder with psychotic features.

I regret posting now because I already feel like I'm being labeled discriminatory and that's not true at all.

@Nammu I don't appreciate you labeling me the way that you have. This is a new situation for me, and I deserve to be treated with respect too.

Fear of unknown is not uncommon.

I do understand that you’d think carefully if you want to make commitment/marry someone with whatever disorders and that’s why it’s recommended to disclose early when dating as to give people fair choice.

But simply working in the same room with should not be a problem as it’s not a private relationship.

I worked with people with every kind of disorder and those are the ones I knew about, I am sure there were people who I didn’t know about. No one has to disclose that. So it’s entirely possible you’ve met others and also worked with, but you just didn’t know. This lady decided to disclose but usually people wouldn’t.

I am sure you meant no disrespect or wanted to discriminate but I think people might be taken aback as it’s a mental health forum and many have the same disorders, so it might be a bit sensitive for people to read that you are afraid of simply being in the same room with a mentally ill person. That might be difficult for some people on mental health forum to read and stomach.

Honestly i think you should continue going about your life and your work day and not change anything about your attitude towards the person or even give it much thought.

I work with someone who has had psychosis in the past and takes anti psychotic medication to manage this. He was, like your coworker, open with me about it. Like you I have no personal experience of psychosis and it’s understandable you’ve got concerns, I got a bit of a jolt when he started talking about it, however all I can say is this coworker of mine has never shown any danger at all to me or anyone. He’s just a person who happens to have psychosis and takes medication for it. I’m glad he feels he can talk openly about it, as with your coworker it may indicate trust that the person (you) confided in will handle that information appropriately.

My coworker is not my favourite coworker (for reasons other than mental illness related) but I have respect for how he’s managing his mental health and working a demanding job. My experience has taught me there’s nothing to fear.

With all due respect, I am not responsible for other people's feelings and vice versa. If my thread bothers someone, they can put me on ignore. My feelings are valid and I deserve to be treated with the same respect that I show others here.

I am not going to apologize for feeling nervous around a new coworker who just admitted they have psychosis. Absolutely not. My feelings are valid and I am not going to apologize to anyone for the way that I feel.

I posted hoping people here are open minded enough to offer me constructive advice, instead of publicly shaming me for openly sharing my concerns.

The assumption that i haven't done my research is also wrong. Just because I'm not in a private relationship, doesn't mean I"m not at risk. That has no correlation whatsoever to whether or not my new coworker has her psychosis under control. You don't know if she does, and neither do I.

You claim to have worked with people who have psychosis. People with psychosis hallucinate and have delusions. I sit directly across from my new coworker.

What if one day, I say something that triggers a delusion or a hallucination and she attacks me. You claim that fear is not possible since its not a private space but it is. Cubicle space is a private space. That is a reasonable fear.

Yesterday, when I gave her a ride home, she burst into tears and was hysterical. "When I asked her what was wrong, she said, "you mean the random crying? Oh, that just happens."

I'm allowed to have boundaries. I'm allowed to have my feelings. To shame me for what I feel is not ok. Not at all.

Mental Health Conditions in the Workplace and the ADA | ADA National Network

Her crying is pseudobulbar affect and is a neurological condition that is not often stopped with medications. She was probably overwhelmed at your kindness because you gave her the ride home.

I am not shaming you. I even acknowledge it’s common to be afraid of unknown.

I just expressed my opinion because you asked for our opinions. My opinion is that you should just go on as normal because what else could you do? With this person at least you know what she has. You always run a risk around people. You’ve no idea what could happen. Sitting there afraid will make your life hard so my suggestion is live your life as normal because what else could you do?

My example of private life was not a flippant comment but again my opinion on the differences between work and private situation. If you know someone has a disorder that makes you uncomfortable you can avoid befriending/dating/inviting over/marrying them. You can’t avoid them at work. You could be at risk but you could be at risk regardless of what you know or don’t know about these people. You just can’t avoid the risk running into danger with people’s behaviors. Plenty of people are out of control/difficult to work with/behave in a strange manner/potentially dangerous and they don’t even have any diagnosis or the one you know about.

I never said fear isn’t possible. If you are afraid, you are afraid. My suggestion is to try not to think about it if you can.

I've reread this post several times. Nowhere do I see any sympathy or empathy towards me from you. Just a lot of deflection and explaining, some shaming towards me and some very opinionated judgment. Why? Because I'm in a new situation that scares me for the potential that could go wrong. So, I reached out to people here in the mental health community who've dealt with psychosis personally themselves, or have interacted with people who have psychosis. My hope was to garner some constructive advice.

Yeah. That's not what I have received here. Just a lot of accusations that I'm discriminating, and that I'm a horrible, awful, terrible person. I'm none of those things. If I were, would I OFFER to carpool my coworker home after work b/c she has no pot to piss in, i.e. no car, and can barely afford the rideshare costs daily? I bought her lunch on MLK day, too. No one forced me. I did it because I'm a nice person.

I'm not avoiding her. I also am not shaming her or gossiping to the office staff about her. I haven't told our attorneys either. Funny how I'm a terrible person because I feel scared about how her disability could impact me if I accidentally trigger her. I barely know this young woman.

Again, I have every right to feel caught off guard about my coworker's disability and I deserve the time it takes to fully process it. Because I intend on keeping my job for as long as I can, until I can find a better paying job.

I see now. My apologies for how I presented my opinion and came across like I have no empathy. Not the case. Just being blunt, as I often am, to the point and probably doing too many things at once and don’t give enough thought about what I say about your situation. I can ensure you that I (and likely others)!do not think you’re an an awful or terrible person whatsoever

The thread I wrote about a former roommate has been deleted by the moderators here. I was going to link it to show the parallels between her behavior and my coworker. The previous roommate from 4 years ago has bipolar disorder, don't know if she had psychotic features.

She's the house owner/roommate whose cat and autistic son I took care of (when her ex-husband would drop him off at her house), while she stayed in her bed for an entire year after I moved my mom into her memory care room (she's passed away now).

That roommate's bipolar mania/her scrolling on her cellphone, sending me text message orders for meals, to feed her cat/clean her cat's litterbox for the year I rented her guest bedroom, traumatized me. So, while I'm aware I could be projecting some of that past experience onto my new coworker who revealed to me her bipolar with psychosis diagnosis, I also know that my coworker is not my past roommate.

I did decide after a lot of thought, to draw a boundary and texted my new coworker that I can't be her after-work carpooler anymore. I do have a lot going on but I also need some space from her, since I sit next to her for 8 hours a day. Some of you will read that boundary and assume I'm being discriminating or trying to undermine or sabotage her success at work. Not in the least. I deserve to have my own peace of mind too.

As a recovering codependent, who took care of someone for a year with bipolar disorder, who I had to send to inpatient treatment with the help of her sister I REFUSE to allow my condependent people-pleasing dysfunctional behavior undermine the progress I feel I've made.

I'm fully prepared for my new coworker to act weird towards me for refusing to be her expected carpool because I gave her a few rides home this week. But, I have a right to change my mind based on how I feel. Or maybe she won't treat me any differently. I have no idea.

I just know that I am already dealing with a lot emotionally, regarding my mom's death nearly one year ago and I just don't want to take care of anyone anymore. That's just not in the cards for me. I can be a nice person, but I am not my coworker's CNA. I am not responsible for her well-being. For her getting home. For helping her rebuild her life. I can be a kind coworker and help us both succeed in our dual roles. But that is where my support will start and end.

I understand. Thank you @divine1966. You're one of the only posters who has consistently posted in my threads.

She just responded to my text message with some serious emotional manipulation, that is the sign of a very insecure person. "I don't want to be an inconvenience to anyone."

This coworker is a complete stranger to me. Who responds that way to a complete stranger who offered you a few rides home?! Not a normal person!

I owe her nothing. I was being kind to her because I wanted to, not because I felt obligated to. So, her response just confirms to me that I did the right thing for myself. I can support her at work but that's where it starts and ends. A simple text of "I understand. Thanks for the rides this week" would have been a better response because it's not manipulative. It just acknowledges the facts.

I will have to keep a close eye on everything at my cubicle desk. If she starts to take papers etc. to retaliate for not giving her a ride home afterwork, I know it's because she is immature and insecure and trying to retaliate and get me fired for missing important papers. I will have to start locking up everything inside my desk and take the key with me. I think I will start doing that tomorrow.

I don’t give people rides unless I know them very well like good friends, very long term co workers etc that’s where I draw the line. I help people with things. But no driving strangers around.

I remember bizarre situation with the housemate.

I doubt she’ll touch things. Or rather hope she won’t. I’d just maintain professional relationship with her and not get into anything else with her. I think she might have poor boundaries with people (too many disclosures that early on) and sucked you right in

You demonstrate healthy boundaries. This week, I did not due to my past interactions with the former bipolar roommate. That year of my life primed my codependent behaviors to become easily triggered around the same circumstances. Only, instead of a roommate locking herself in her bedroom, I have a coworker who "locks" herself at her cubicle.

Yes, I know you're correct. She has very poor boundaries. Yesterday morning, I let her know I would be right back as I was taking my morning break. She asked me where I was going. I shouldn't have told her. But, because of my people pleasing, I told her I was going to get a coffee and a croissant. She said, "I'll go too." So, my boundaries aren't that great either?

I think I'll lose my job in a month. Even if I do good work.

This thread is being closed for administrative review.