Apathetically unaware boss, how do I deal?

I have had the same job for around 10 years now. My boss lives in his own little bubble, a world that sounds to me like he's living in the 1940s or something like that. He has no TV, he doesn't listen to any kind of music, he has a car but never drives anywhere, rides busses and trains everywhere when travelling. As if that isn't hard enough for me to comprehend, he also doesn't have kids. From what little I know about him, it seems like he doesn't do anything other than work. I know he's said things about working on something until 8 or 9 at night, or on a Saturday. He owns the business, his father started it and I don't think he's ever worked anywhere else. There is one other woman who works with us who I don't believe has ever had any other job either and also doesn't have kids. For 40 hours a week there is nothing but business talk. 8 am to 5 pm. There is no "hey what did you do over the weekend", "did you see this or that happened", "how's your mom, dad, brother, etc". In the past, I have known more about co-workers, even those I don't like, within 2 months than I do about those I have worked with for close to a decade. It makes it awkward for me in general, no one makes jokes or has any minor chit chat here and there. If something is not done on Monday as it "should be", you would think the world is ending.

The real problem with this is that I have a family, I have 2 teen daughters. Neither of my co-workers have kids, so they have absolutely no idea what life is like. My youngest, who just turned 14, has had some serious mental health issues lately, has been in inpatient treatment centers off and on for the past 2 months. There have been lots of times in those past 2 months I have to drop everything and run to get her at school, had to take a day or two off to go pick her up at these places. Her and I have started having family counseling sessions every other week, which then brings me to the other problem with my boss. I told him these are at 3:30 pm every other week, his response "after 4 would be better for the company". In the past when I or my kids have had doctor appointments he has made the same kind of comment. I have done my best to make that happen, when I schedule any appointment I ask for first thing in the morning or as late as possible in the day. He can't seem to grasp the concept that just isn't possible all the time, if ever.

While I know nothing about them, or they me, I have gone into rather lengthy explanations about these appointments many times. Once when my daughter needed a root canal and the closest office they could do it was almost an hour away. When I came back in the afternoon he says "there's no way any dentist takes that long", so I was more or less forced to justify it by telling him all the things I know he doesn't give a crap about.

The other woman only takes 1 week off a year, when she works at the fair, and has only taken 2 sick days since I started there. Her brother had a bad accident, was in the hospital for 2 or 3 days until they decided to take him off life support. I believe that was on a Thursday, and his reaction/response was "so sorry, take care, see you Monday". Like what is that?! He has some pretty unrealistic expectations.

I have just about reached my breaking point with his unsympathetic and intolerant comments and attitude. We all work at home so these conversations are through a messaging app. This gives me time to think about my response a little instead of snapping back with something I would face to face. Even that is getting harder and harder. The next time he says something to that effect in regards to my daughter, my response is probably going to be "will it be better for the company when my daughter is successful at harming herself or attempting to end her life? Would you expect me to be back here in 2 days?"

I honestly can't wait for the day I lose it and let him know I will be dropping off the work computer and phone on his porch and I'm done. This doesn't seem to be getting any closer to happening. The few jobs I have applied to that I could afford to take have turned me down, almost instantly.

I guess this has turned more into me complaining than I intended. If you have read this far, thank you! I am hoping someone can give me some suggestions on how to deal with this everyday. Maybe a way I can get the same point across to him without going off? I am really at a loss for what to do, and sick of spending 3-4 hours a day crying, about half of that being caused by him, his reaction or response to something I've done or said.

@Caddy4217 I am so sorry to hear you have a boss that is not flexible about employees taking time off. He also sounds very insensitive to people.

I would hesitate to tell the boss off or quit. I have had a difficult boss and endured him for decades until I was in a position that I no longer needed that financial support. Changing jobs in the US when many companies are laying off is risky. Take a look at the region you live in and see how many opportunities there are that offer the same benefits you have. Working at home sounds like it might be an added help to you and your daughter, even if boss demands you take appointments to not affect the business.

I am sorry to hear you are crying for 3-4 hours per day. That sounds like this could be a bigger problem than just your boss. You sound like a single parent. Is that possibly the result of some loss that may still be weighing on you?

When my partner required mental health support, my world started unraveling. All my hope and dreams and expectations were put on hold and eventually wasted. When a family member has mental health issues, someone can question what they did wrong and feel responsible to make them better.

We live in a toxic world that young people feel hopeless about. There are bullies and fears of the future. No wonder so many teens are falling into depression.

Maybe your daughter needs to find creative outlets like painting or drawing or music. You know her better. Ask her if you could have the world be anyway you want it what would you have for a world? If you could do anything your heart really wanted to what would that be?

If possible you might consider a therapist for yourself or a support group like NAMI that has Family to Family program. I learned that many mental health issues are due to brain imbalances that can be treated with meds, not necessarily the result of my failings.

Hope this suggests new directions.
CANDC

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