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lowselfesteem92
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Confused Apr 15, 2024 at 01:30 PM
  #1
Hi all.
I’ve had a few unpleasant encounters with a colleague. They were unnecessarily hostile and rude in their tone of voice and I just cannot seem to get past this. I spend my time and invest my energy with colleagues who are positive and have respect for me but when this colleague is in the same office, it is so mentally hard to be around him. Furthermore, he treats everyone else with kindness and makes conversation whereas he is not as warm and friendly with me. There has been some miscommunication issues which has made him unclear about his role but I think the constant rudeness, condescending tone of voice he uses with me is so unnecessary. It’s affecting my sleep and thinking and I am so
fixated on this issue. Any tips help wean me off this fixation?
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16PennyNail
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Default Apr 21, 2024 at 05:53 AM
  #2
I stopped practicing medicine because I got an offer at a local National Lab to be a research supervisor. We were working on mostly high end vaccine stuff, I was there for a bit and because of my military history, and I got along so well with everyone, the management company put my name in the pot to take over the senior position that D.O.D, functions in there. Surprisingly I was offered section chief position, as a D.O.D. contractor. So, going back to my days as a First Lieutenant in the Army Rangers, managing my office employees when I practiced, running a lab for a few years, then finally made the Chief of the section of the largest employer in the region I live in, by far. I have some management experience, this is how you handle that.

When a fellow employee is rude, or acting or saying something inappropriately,

1.) The first step is to approach them yourself and see if they are responsive to discussion about it. Sometimes people are and will apologize and everything is okay. If they are hostile or nonresponsive see step 2.

2.)If they are rude and do not respond to your communication asking them to stop or you trying to reason with. them. That is what supervision is for, NO ONE should have to work in a hostile environment and rudeness is a form of hostility. This kind of function is what supervisors are paid for, part of the job description. I have commonly heard people say they don't want to start trouble, or be labeled as someone that runs upstairs everytime there is a problem. Let your immediate supervisor or their supervisor shoulder that. When I was working I would shoulder that as much as Superman possibly could and gladly ask for more, Rudeness is counterproductive to a happy and healthy working environment, A good supervisor is trained and knows how to handle this, we don't mind, it is part of what we are paid to do.

How do I get past rudeness from colleague?
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Molinit
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Default Apr 21, 2024 at 09:13 AM
  #3
In an ideal world, nobody should have a hostile work environment, but the truth is many of them are. So I will give you some hard-won advice.

The rude colleague needs to be addressed in the context of that particular work environment. How is that colleague regarded by your employer apart from the issue you are experiencing with them? Who do they know or are "friends" with? Is your immediate supervisor showing any favoritism toward the rude colleague?

Also, if the colleague (apart from your issue) seems to have normal relationships with your supervisor and other colleagues, have you approached your supervisor for advice on creating a better working relationship with them?

If not, try that first.

However - if this rude colleague seems to be a "favorite" or happens to know or be related to someone in a more powerful position, leave it alone. Learn to cope and minimize the encounters you have with this person.
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lowselfesteem92
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Smile Apr 29, 2024 at 04:28 PM
  #4
Quote:
Originally Posted by Molinit View Post
In an ideal world, nobody should have a hostile work environment, but the truth is many of them are. So I will give you some hard-won advice.

The rude colleague needs to be addressed in the context of that particular work environment. How is that colleague regarded by your employer apart from the issue you are experiencing with them? Who do they know or are "friends" with? Is your immediate supervisor showing any favoritism toward the rude colleague?

Also, if the colleague (apart from your issue) seems to have normal relationships with your supervisor and other colleagues, have you approached your supervisor for advice on creating a better working relationship with them?

If not, try that first.

However - if this rude colleague seems to be a "favorite" or happens to know or be related to someone in a more powerful position, leave it alone. Learn to cope and minimize the encounters you have with this person.

Thank you both so much for your advice. It is both comforting and makes sense. I have minimised encounters and conversations with this colleague. The only time I will address them is when I run meetings. It’s hard not to notice differential treatment but I am aiming to just do the best job I can and focus on my work.
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