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MuddyBoots
Monster on the Hill
 
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Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
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Default Apr 28, 2024 at 11:08 AM
  #1
I held a job as button pusher, peddle presser, crowd controller, puke and piss cleaner, key turner, height checker (and child/parent consoler) opening inspector, and the gal that powers everything down after screaming "ONE IN THE FRONT TWO IN THE BACK TALLEST IN THE VERY BACK, PLEASE KEEP YOUR HANDS *AND* FEET IN THE BOAT, DON'T ROCK THE BOAT, STAY SEATED, KEEP YOUR PHONES AWAY, PUT ALL LOOSE ARTICLES IN THE BIN, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY HAVE A FANTASTIC RIDE" "HEY, Y'ALL NEED TO SIT WITH TALLEST IN THE BACK" "NO SPLASHING" over the sound of 100 people for 13 hours a day at an amusement park (aka ride operator lmao. No grudges held there when spending 90% of my time at the log flume meanwhile some (fking MOST) other rides had a recording or a microphone and actual restraints because I made the mistake of allowing the upper ups to think I was one of like three people capable of dealing with the stress of station operator AND the boredom of tower operator who only responds to emergencies). That was for 5 summers, which yeah, is pretty good, but I got fired when I was at the height of my addiction and showed up high on opiates (it was that one time, and I feel awful for even trying to get away with that shyt).

Had a job at a pet rescue center just kinda taking care of the animals doing whatever needed to be done. For two months.

Have played on one of those street pianos and got some tips doing that. Tried starting a band but that backfired majorly.

Tried working at a coffee chain, after three days of "doing a good job" I got fired for calling in when I was vomiting every three seconds probably from working there.

Tried working as an associate at a dollar store, but I was spending more in gas and risking my life getting there driving through ice storms at night for $7.25/hr. Also got robbed during a shift. So that lasted three weeks.

So...don't really have any references or experience I can really allude to. Don't even have a fking address. Have a (recent) arrest history. Whether or not I can pass a drug test is up in the air because I could, but then do another "dissociate for three weeks and find myself in the South with track marks"

So, like, how could I turn things around, find something that I won't fk up, and make some money I can actually live off of

because this $900/mo SSDI/SSI combo ain't covering rent (JUST RENT. NO UTILITES. NO PARKING FEE. NO RENTERS INSURANCE) when the cheapest studio in the shyttiest part of the state where the building is likely to get raided or burned down is like $1200/mo and I kinda want to eat too. Yeah, I've applied for section 8 two years ago. Yes, there is an 8 year waitlist. Roommate and splitting rent (and splitting on the roommate lol) is an option, but that may lead to assault, homicide, or suicide on somebody's behalf when I get bad soooo, worth the risk? Perhaps. Still would struggle paying half of rent and half of the other shyt that's not covered in rent and affording food. Never fking mind all the medical bills I've racked up and will need when I start treatment and get back on meds again.

Honestly, just need life advice.

This is in NH btw (yeah, nice place just avoid any affordable parts of the southern cities. And I almost got an 811 place in Rochester which I guess is infamous for overdoses and my case manager was reluctant to push to get me there, but that 811 is worthless now that I'm not in any sort of treatment I think. There is trouble anywhere if you're looking for it though, I've found it in fking Grafton county).
If it'd be best to get out of state, I'd like to know the best way to go about that and where I'd have my best luck.

I really have a strong desire to make things better. I need guidance on how and I haven't found it anywhere.

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