I feel so foolish and so stupid in my job

Yesterday I had an experience with two directors or higher ups that sent my self esteem into the gutter.

One of the directors articulates his ideas very intellectually vs in easy to understand terms, and I have a lot of trouble following his train of thought and the way that he speaks. He articulates very well, like a professor does, however, I need concepts to be explained to me in far more simple layman's terms with concrete, easy to digest examples.

So, I had trouble following the director's line of thinking in this meeting yesterday, yet this was a team or group "brainstorming" meeting, so I participated by speaking up several times. There were only 4 of us in this meeting, so it felt like I should participate. My other three colleagues were also speaking up.

Well, it turns out that my thoughts and points were kind of moot to the subject matter and irrelevant (or at least that's how it seemed to me), even though I thought I understood enough of what he was talking about to bring up a few valid points.

Well, towards the end of the meeting, I gave an example and asked if the example is along the lines of what he is thinking, and he said no, it's really not.

Point being, even though I spoke up and participated as a member of my team, I felt sooo stupid walking out of that meeting and felt like I had put a huge foot in my mouth.

My much younger colleague, in contrast, completely understood our director and had to explain the concepts to me after the meeting. Then I understood it, yet felt even worse because he had to explain it to me and I am 30 years older!

And now, I am dreading going to work. How do I hold my head high after this?

The only silver lining is I know that my boss and another colleague share the same difficulties following this director's dialogue, so I am not the only one who doesn't understand him.

My boss did say that we have to do a debrief with her boss (who was also in this meeting) about our meeting. So, it appears as though perhaps my own boss maybe also had trouble following the meeting.

But I woke up this morning feeling sooo incredibly stupid and ashamed of myself. I wish I had kept my mouth shut and remained quiet listening intently, rather than attempt to speak when I did not understand the subject matter.

I now worry about each of my colleagues' perception of me and the director: do they now think I'm incredibly stupid and foolish? Will they look down on me now and think less of me?

I tried, and failed. My self esteem and self image have taken a hit, that's for sure.

How do I recover from this? How do I not let this kill my self esteem at work? And how do I not worry about what others think?

Oh Have Hope, I feel for you. Something similar happened to me recently, but instead of staying away and hiding (like I want to) I will go back and act confident: hold my head high, greet others with a nice 'hello' and continue on my way keeping to myself and being as effective as possible. I'm not going to apologize or cower, I'll have my shoulders back and make eye contact, but I won't stick my neck out for things... just keep going.

One thing is likely: that your feelings and preoccupation with the meeting is a lot bigger in your mind than in anyone else's...

Keep going...!!! With time your feelings of shame will lessen...

@TheGal, thank you so much for your reply. I am sorry you went through something similar just recently. Your advice couldn't be more spot on!!! I will do just that. TY! In time, I know this won't matter anymore either. That's one silver lining.

Oh Hope, I don't know anybody who hasn't had a moment like this at work. In time it will pass!

Aw, thanks @Deejay14. You're right. I can't possibly be the only person who has experienced this. Although I don't wish it upon anyone, it's comforting to know I'm not alone with these feelings. TY.

Who hasn’t been kind of stupid sometimes, and impulsive enough to embarrass themselves? We are all just human. It was just a momentary blunder and was likely forgotten by others immediately. Remind yourself for that one time you feel ashamed of yourself, there have been 100 times where you feel proud of yourself.

@TishaBuv, thanks so much. I do need a boost in confidence at work. Even though I am achieving successes, I often feel like I am saying the wrong things. and sticking my foot in my mouth.