Work Friend

I do not look forward to having the same conversation with my work friend. But, she just applied for an in house role. She didn't get an interview. She goes round and round in circles talking about how hard she works and how much she does...(which she does) but... she can't remember that in her career - the following has occurred:

(1) She was written up and punished with unpaid time off for allegedly ( that I believe is true) being insubordinate with a manager (she said F** you) under her breath.

(2) A few years ago she was demoted for, among other things, being insubordinate. But also not doing her work before going on vacation.

(3) Recently she got called in for an allegation from another employee that she was drunk at work... (which was not true). But I believe that she likely was hung over and said some inappropriate things that could lead others to think she was drunk.

All of the other applicants... did not have these things. Now I admit, she is in the dog house at work and that is why they are not going to consider her for the position.... but she had reason to be. I, and a lot of other people, have good records and still won't be considered for jobs.

We also have the conversation about why, no matter what she does, her review always comes back at "meets expectations". Never exceeds. And she should know, it will NEVER come back at exceeds. Her record doesn't warrant that... ever. She continues to argue it... argue that she did this or did that but in the end.... her grade is based on her being in the dog house. She knows that one more problem in the workplace will likely lead to her termination and yet, at the same time think they will consider her for a promotion?

I have told her to get therapy but... alas...

I can't tell her this... she won't take it well and she is my "helper" at work so I need her help. I just can't understand how she can't see this.

So she called me yesterday -- a weekend when we usually don't talk -- because she saw something in her review that annoyed her. So, she has been pushing for the "exceeds expectations" and I told her that won't happen. But I can't understand why she wants it because it will make no difference to her pay. But she tells me she wants it because she did a lot of extra work this year.

So the manager told her she was going to go in and add some additional material. Now, my friend thought it would be something good. But, it was mostly adding the incident where the co worker thought my friend was drunk, captured in way that... even though there is no evidence that my friend was drunk they said it like it was my friend's lack of professionalism that caused the co worker to think that. So her fault no matter what.

This says to me it is a warning sign. Push for exceeds and we will bring this incident up.

When the incident happened I told her to go to a higher level in HR (which is not connected to my agency) and tell them her side of the story and seek their advice on what to do. So, that, at the very least, her side would be recorded in an objective forum. I told her that even if she didn't fight it... disputing it someplace on the record where they were not prejudiced against her would be key if they kept trying to use it against her.

She didn't do so. To me this is evidence it is true.

No matter.... I told her she needs to accept she isn't going to be getting jobs and or getting promotions ever and we need to work on how to survive until retirement. I have told her to stop doing the extra work even though it will mean more work for me. But she won't.

It is frustrating. I do wonder if she is going to make it until retirement. She can't accept reality.