((((((((((((((((cafegrrrl))))))))))))))))

I'm sorry things have started going downhill for you again. Have you considered getting an uppage in your meds? It might just be a case of increasing your dosage. For me, a low dose made it possible to do slightly more than breathe, but it wasn't until the dosage of my current meds had been trippled that I found true relief from my depression symptoms. Depending on what you're taking/your current dosage, if you were feeling the effects of the meds for a while, it could just be that you need to take a slightly higher dose for them to work 100%.

While I don't know you or your counsellor, I'd encourage you to talk to her all the same. A counsellor's job is not to judge, but to help you through whatever you're going through. Even if you're "difficult" or "lack compliance", a good counsellor can work around those particular issues for you in order to find treatment options tailored specifically to your personality type. Again, I don't know you or what you're going through specificially, but I do understand the fear of being abandonned by your support network for not trying hard enough, or the fear of being judged or hated by the people helping you when their help doesn't appear to have any effect. Have you considered that this fear stems from your depression? I had the same feelings, and it stemmed from the lies the depression told me that I wasn't trying hard enough to get better. Although it does take effort on our parts, it's important to remember that we can't help being sick, and we can't help it if certain forms of treatment don't work for us. The best we can do is seek other alternatives and keep hoping that one of them will take eventually.

Best of luck and lots of hugs.