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beadlady29-old · Apr 28, 2009, 06:04 PM

(((((((((((((((((((Debbie)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((((((((Sannah))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Therapy went ok today..................gooder then we thunked it would at any rate. ( we are a worrier one of them few things we does real good) it was tiring and we feels worn out, frazzled but much gooder then usual. No digging into EVENTS of the past.......more like exploring what we feel and why we do or dont feel it.........
WE AINT going over to janet and Blaise's no more...........iffen that offends someone in that mad house we sorry but cant handle the yelling that goes on there.........not by janet not by the kids is too much it sends us back about 40 years to a world of darkness hopelessness and helplessness. it is not worth it for bead even to keep the peace with don by doing so. breifly touched on that subject when he brunged us home and he did not really say anythng at all.......the silence was as LOUD as the screaming in her head gets but it still beat the heck outta him yelling at her and arguing about it............bead sure there will be more discussions but we'll cross THAT bridge when we comes to it not gonna worry about it till then ( who do you think your kidding marsidotz )
Me and T talked about the fact that we are not 'in touch' with any of our feelings with the exception of fear and anger..........not on the seuface at any rate.yeah, he's rite about that........them's seem to bes the feelings we know goodest, maybe that's why we allow we allow us FEEL them where we dont seem to be able to feel anything else ?????????Every time T suggests to us to comfort each other bells whistles and foghorns sound off in her head in a major way..........we have not really explained that to him very much.........Me just telled him that it sounded like a wierd thing to do and left it at that .........too embarassing dont think he would get it anyway and he would just tell us to comfort them any way so like what's the point ya know????? anyway talked to don a little about that too and he agrees with T he say that is what we do just about every day..........either scared angry or depressed.........like so bite me excuse me.......The thought of comforting one another is so foreign to bead that it is aolmost like hearing a 4 letter dirty word......
You need each other T telled Me.........WHHYYYYYY???????
dont want them to be there..............altho cant seem to be able to hate or ignore them away.............T said mary asked him last week why is getting rid of the others any different then cutting off a arm or a leg or cutting your hair......his answer was..........this is so dumb.........what are you gonna do cut off both arms, legs, ears, etc, there will still be some of you left ( there's 15 of us last count ) SORRY T BUT THAT ANSWER DOES NOT COMPUTE we did not mean were gonna cut off a body part to represent each one of the othersore like do not unnerstand how iffen we gets rid of one ( or a few for that matter ) that we will ALL die!!!!!!!!! dont want to be nice to them even iffen it would make em SHUT the f up because we dont want them to be there to begin with much less like them!!!!! No one will answer that ???? in a way that beads can understand it!!!!!!!!!WHY???????????????????????????????
Debbie How in the world does splitting off into 15 different personalities equal dealing with the past well? sorry we is so cynical..........cant help it its where we are.............and , yeah we agree beads strong..........somwhere in there.......just so sick of all the s hit in the garbage can!!!!!!!!!
We give T credit where credit is ude at least he was smatr enought to realize that we could not handle any EVent digging today......and yeah, we do think he's got beads goodest interests at heart..........
Altho rite now beads just wanna curl up in a little ball and hide where we cans cry but thats not an option either!!!!!!!!!!!!
So our crappy existence goes on...and on...and on...and on...
(Wonder what's gonna happen next?)
((((((((((((((((((((Jewels)))))))))))))))))))) dont be surpirised iffn you gets that phone call in the not so distant future........beads could use some well something dunno what just grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
beads loves ye all and glad your here!!!!!!!!
thanks to anyone who has the concentration to read all of this ( and unnerstand it ) iffen we making any kind of sense at all any input would be helpful

xxx

beads