I can completely relate. I have never actually attempted suicide but I have thought about it a lot.
In a related vein I've lost both my parents in the last 4 years and that adds an elment of thinking about death that went beyond considering my own.
For some reason I don't want to go at length here. Except to say that life and death and the confusion and lack of comfort accompanied by thinking about both of them seem to some how be inextricably connected. I guess for me it has to do with the uncertainty of both.
No matter how hard we try to improve our living we often seem to get side lined by occurances or our own thoughts regarding and end up doubting the future. Of course death seems to be the greatest unknow of all and so it seems natural to be discomforted by it.
Again for me being raised a Catholic, the issue of suicide has implications of even greater suffering should it be accomplished. So I'd rather not think about it.
I just keep trying to tell myself that my life has value. That no matter whether I get to know it or not, the exchanges I've shared up till now or possibly in the future with others may have had a profound or even simple affect on those other lives. That makes mine worth while. Therefore, I need to keep living.
Thanks for being there.