Okay, you have noticed these "symptoms" for the last 6 years........what happened before then? How was your childhood? Is there a family history of personality disorders or other mental illness? This are the things that will come up with a therapist. Your self-harm, suicidal ideation, mood swings, depressive pathology and the like ARE indicative of a personality disorder, namely Borderline, but without knowing the rate of your mood swings or the lengths of your depressive episodes, that could also be features of rapid cycling Bipolar. This is where dx by T is paramount. In order to get the help you need, you cannot fly blind because the treatment and pathology of these illnesses is quite different although mimic in behaviour.

In saying that, my mood swings were so extreme for a few years that I was treated with Bipolar medication, lithium and olanzapine and i found they worked a treat. They are not for everybody with this disorder.

Therapy is TERRIFYING. I don't think anyone will deny that. But if you want to improve the quality of your life and feel better long term, you kinda got to get worse before you get better. You need the impartiality and therapeutic skills of a professional to get over the humps. There is no denying, you will feel worse initially.......the T will bring up things you DO NOT want to talk about. It is a unique and unquantifiable process, but if the T is worth their salt, the outcome of the process will be truly rewarding. So instead of living with an unpredictable dangerous animal, you will learn to "tame" it, be at peace with it, understand it for what it REALLY is........therapy with a good T is priceless.

I fought with my first T all the time.......I used to call her names, storm out mid-session, get removed by burly nurses. I was extremely violent for a long time but she put up with me all those years. She saved my life. Whenever I think of her I feel weak with humility at how much she risked physically treating me and that she never gave up trying to help me and I pushed her SO hard. I accused her of conspiring with the police to catch me( I was a criminal), I accused her constantly of hating me and that it was her "duty" to treat me, I used to call her incompetent, stupid, unreliable. In hindsight she did NOT deserve to be treated that way, but that was the nature of the Borderline beast. I have paid many karmic dues for the way I treated her. Like I said, I owe her my life.

Get the help you need, suck up that fear and work towards getting better......you have started the momentum already by identifying that you have a problem. You have overcome the hardest step in the process already by talking on here and knowing that you are afraid........there is nothing wrong with fear......it is what you do with it that counts.....

You will always have support here......now get out there and get some healing!!. You DESERVE to feel better......