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chaotic13 · Jun 01, 2009, 08:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SpottedOwl

It felt really strange at first to let those little random thoughts come out, but with each thought that I can express to T about our relationship in the room, it seems to impact the rest of the relationships in my life in a positive way.

Interesting you say. I think working through my discomfort with the intensity associated to having someone's undivided attention has made dealing with other relationships a lot easier. Although I had a lot of trouble saying thank you to my T last week. I was able to express my gratitude for something else in another relationship (a friend) quite effectively and directly. In fact my openness in that expression made my friend actually cry (good tears) and spontaneously hug me.

Both of these reactions last year would have caused me to question my own actions and be really uncomfortable. Last year, I might have thought about "doing something nice" for someone but would have avoided doing it for fear it would have made me feel uncomfortable or that it would be taken the wrong way. Last week I just acted and then rolled with the aftermath.

Maybe therapy for me is also less about what I talk about and more about learning how to talk and tolerate engaging in relationships.

Quote:

I believe that emotions are expressed through our bodies. When we get stuck in trying to intellectualize or suppress our emotions, that is where much of the suffering comes from.

I long thought that I had no emotions, that I was incapable of feeling things. Now I am realizing I've always had a lot of feelings and that I am very sensitive to certain things. I just some how didn’t learn what these feeling were and ignored them. I often don't know what names to give them or what they tend to indicate. Lately, I've found myself recording body sensations and then reading what I recorded and realizing, “hey, this sound an awful bit like.... affection, compassion, sadness, caring….” I think this capacity has been inside of me, I just wasn't really aware of it until now.

Quote:

IMHO, attachment is about feeling safe.

I found this interesting too because every time I re-read my T’s last email the line that catches my attention is…”I’m safe, remember.” I’m both drawn to it and confused by it. Is she really safe? Can I really tell her anything? How does she know she is safe? Does the fact that my body sometimes just wants to curl up on that couch and purge without worrying about how what might come out, mean that I really am safe there? Why do I want to talk to her in the first place?