I am so attached to T. But the more I am attached to him the more I realize I was NOT attached to my mother. That makes me very sad. Don't get me wrong--she passed 15 years ago and I still miss her, but I am realizing that the attachment was more like a sib than a parent/child. Angst. This give me great angst. I'm not sure whether I was not attached to her or the attachment was so tenuous that I learned how to protect myself by not acknowledging the longings for her love.

I have been trying to understand my relationships with men and women and know that relationships with men are much easier for me. Today I missed my Dad, and although I can say I miss my Mom it's not the same heartache. It's shallower.

Whoa. I am humbled once again.