
Jul 10, 2009, 12:08 PM
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Member Since: Sep 2008
Location: SanFrancisco BayArea, California
Posts: 1,404
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Quote:
Originally Posted by reflection
hi shangrala. so sorry to hear about your marriage situation. i hear so many times of wives that having been trying for years to fix marital problems and the husbands are quite unresponsive, and then when they finally decide to leave or divorce, the guy finally wakes up and then wants to work things out. usually, the wife, like you, doesn't seem to have any more left in her to work on the marriage after trying for so many years. i don't know why this happens but it seems somewhat common. i wonder if it's that many guys respond better to (drastic?) action than words or what? i've never been married so i'm just guessing here and feel free to take it all with a big heap of salt. your husband has probably also realized how great you are by being with someone else. he's probably been comparing her to you and seeing where your strengths are and is now realizing what he will be losing. i do think it would be wise to think about how you got into this marriage i.e. by caretaking and how it seems you may be doing the same thing with the younger guy you've mentioned.
take care. 
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Quite Impressive!!
Never being married and take notice to such a detail.
I suppose that goes to prove how seeing the forest for the trees truly is obtained from a distance.
You've brought up a highly important fact here, one that I have evaluated about myself with dedicated attendance.
And, yes..I've most certainly have asked myself that very question, among many others.
I've had a couple years to inspect just about every influence, reason, aspect, intention, cause and purpose that has any possible involvement in that very situation.
I have tried my best to be as honest with myself as I possibly could with the answers. Not an easy task, as we all have a tendancy to sugarcoat our own weaknesses, (if you will), by applying a bit of highlighted improvements to them...to make them a lil bit more appealing, I suppose.
The fact is, that there is truth in the point you have made. I wouldn't be completely honest if I said there wasn't. With that, I have asked self, to what extent is that truth applied here?
It is also that of my nature to be the caregiver ..certainly that is applied to this situation. I wouldn't be me if it weren't.
I have to merge that trait of mine into what already exists, and do the best that I possibly can with it. I certainly am not going to talk myself out of what we have because of that one single trait of mine....regardless of the level of its dominance.
Also, that very trait can be a great influence on what makes or breaks a relationship, depending on who's involved. With hubs, he was a "rescue" scenario. With Kristian, he is not in need of rescue. He is already established for himself, for the most part, just in longing for companionship, which he has found in me.
But then, when I think of it....Don't we all seek a sense to fill a need at one level or another? So long as that need is being met and it provides a fairly equal balance? Isn't that what should matter?
With loneliness comes a sense of void, which drives us to seek something to fulfill it, such as with companionship. Isn't that drive, then, an natural tool of ours to assist us in obtaining that which is of our inner need?
Am I even making sense anymore??...lol.
As Ive said....sometimes I look so far into something, that I lose my own meaning....(sorry if I've confused anyone).
Thanks for your observative insight, Ref. I really appreciate it.
Take care~
Shangrala
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