tears. So many things are wrong. Then i posted in another forum - another place for trauma survivors ,
people that never write to me hijacked my thread and made up a violent situation that i wasn't in and posted. Others read it and posted after them . Now the moderators threw me out tears. It hurts so so much
My T called back because i'm been in crisis for two days and can't help me-
i don't know where to turn- i've seen this T for five years and the past four months left his office in complete despair. He apologizes for 'being rushed last Tuseday , and not 'putting things away' but it's every week. Then he says i'm mad. i'm not mad i just want to live. i can't live like this. He would never see me twice a week- because of his schedule. Finally last time i told him and just about demanded. Every dr i ever went to said i need twice a week therapy- my T never noticed. Then i leave his office a complete wreck and pick up a phone to say i never want to see him again because he doesn't care about me at all.

Everything is so wrong- T won't help me find a new T- he'd rather have me not survive. i can't work or anything now because of being so upset and the migraines are almost non stop. We're in and out of emergency rooms and they don't understand about parts- they don't understand about migraines. i feel like i'm not going to live anymore because i'm so physically sick from being upset because of DID, because of the problems i have with no support at home or in therapy or anywhere.
Now i can't even post at the other forum because those people hijacked my thread and made up all these horrifying things that i never wrote. tears. i can't write to my friends there. tears. They think i'm in a dangerous place with my h - i'm not - things are hurtful, there is another woman that is calling my house but we're not threatened physically. "Go to a shelter." they want me to go to a shelter- and leave my house (you know how hard it is to have parts and go to a strange shelter) and my h isn't hurting us physically- we're afraid of losing h.

i wanted support- a positive word from someone and they totally mis understood everything. tears. Now we have no supporty at all.

T doesn't understand either, tears. it's not that i'm angry with him that i can't see him anymore it that he doesn't help me. We're not going to make it. tears. we're too upset to live like this and T doesn't help. Every week i leave his office in complete despair. i like him but i can't live like this anymore. i have to find someone who could help us. No one can help. tears.
we're not better. tears.
no one is even there to talk to.
Why should i go to T's office to be in complete despair when i am already? tears.

please help,
kerria