Just been reading for a couple weeks. dx a few months ago, but think some where i always knew. have many parts. am working with T on finding them all, how they came about, when and what they are here for. Have some he says he knows about, but i don't see them. No memory of anything until i was 7, then very little till my late teens. multiple abuse, beatings and rape. Came to a head a 1 1/2 ago when i found myself across the country with no memory of leaving home or the time it took me to get where i ended up at. Still don't. The best way i can describe what i feel right now is this way.
The image i have is a mirror that is broken, with many different pieces, all different sizes and shapes, some dull, some shape, some distorted. My job is to find the pieces, try to fit them together, find out where they go and where they are. As the pieces go together, the distortions will lesson, making more of a whole. Allowing a clearer vision.
Problem is, I have no idea how to do this. I feel like I'm in a twilight zone. Everything i used to think was real, isn't. what i used to think wasn't, is.Usually in T's office, i become my little frighted girl and curl up in a ball, forget how to talk. Or else I'm the intellect/organizer that constantly seeks knowledge. On occasion my angry, rebellious teen shows up. He says he often sees the one he calls the "bad ***", he describes as nihilistic, narcissistic.