I feel with all of the feedback I have been getting from my threads that people do not understand me and some do not believe that I have DID. I WAS officially diagnosed in 2003 and can not WAIT to get the medical records so I no longer have to try and convince Ts on my own, so they will see it in writing...

I do not want the "symptoms" of DID to increase or whatever you want to call it. I want my "alters" I want the other people in my head to come out more without me blacking out. I want them to stay. Even though people say there is no cure for it, I am afraid that this is a lie and the Ts will try to "cure" me as some have said. I am excited to see the new T because she said she wouldn't try to do that and would never dream of trying to get rid of them but will help me to "further it along" and stop the blackouts completely in time.

I want to keep them here. I don't want to get rid of them. I believe they are real and they have helped me in so many ways and do on a daily basis, even when they are not out, and I could never dream of getting rid of anyone who has stuck by me this long. They help me to feel less alone, they help me to feel like someone has accepted me even though they know the darkness that hides inside of me.

You can say what you will about me and DID but the fact is that I do have it, and only recently have finally excepted it. When I was first diagnosed my mom went out and bought a movie called "Identity" which is a movie about a man with DID... This movie frightened me and for years I refused to believe that what lived inside of him lived inside of me as well. Until I came on here and began my research, I didn't want to believe I had it. I always knew that I did, but I would try and make excuses for not having it.

I am thankful for DID in so many ways. They have saved my life because I know if I hadn't blacked out those many times that I would not have been able to stay alive.

I am excited to meet this new T because now that I accept the fact that I have DID, I need to learn as much as I can, and need to get past this phase I have been at for 18 years. I need to learn how to let them out when they want out, I need to learn to stay somewhat conscious every time they come out.

I know that everyones dissociation is different, that no two are alike. To think that DID had to be text book and exact is an irrational thought because no two minds are alike. Maybe this is why people have such a hard time accepting DID, because it is not all or nothing. My basic symptoms match it perfectly but there are things about me that are like no other. As in everyone with DID.

If you are confused about something I say, since I don't always word things correctly, please feel free to ask me in a nice way and I will explain it.

Thank you for anyone who has read this thread and replied and thank you Elysium for your kind reply. I hope you all are well and I will be sure to keep this updated.

Kris