DID=Seizures?

I am FUMING right now!!! I went to see my "psychiatrist" today for the first time and of course we went over everything I was having problems with... I told him the only thing I want help with right now is the bipolar. I don't want the DID to go away or risk it at all... He ignored me EVERY time I said that. Than after talking a bit he expressed his doubts about DID existing. THAN he decided that my blackouts and everything were due to seizures and not DID at all... So excuse me for thinking that after having an 8 hour long "seizure" I would not be able to just walk away like nothing happened. And excuse me for thinking that when I had another black out and ended up getting a cat scan on me DURING a "seizure" that the seizure wouldn't show up in some form! Because it's normal for people to go their entire lives having seizures and not know, and act like a normal different person during these so called seizures.

Apparently I've had seizures since my car accident when I was 3 and never knew and no one else did until I saw this doctor for the very first time. Apparently I developed seizures from a cuncussion which I never had during that accident!

WHAT A LOAD OF BULL!!! I am so ready to give up on doctors COMPLETELY right now! UUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

((((((kris)))))) safe hugs if you want them

i'm so sorry your pdoc said what he did. it doesn't sound like he knew what he was talking about. hopefully, you'll find one who knows about your condition and can treat you appropriately.

just a thought if you see someone else but maybe you can just tell them about the bipolar for now and leave the DID for the ts to deal with?

Thank you for the comment! I am about ready to give up on trying to get help at all actually though because every T I've talked to wants to get rid of the DID and I don't. Than the pdoc thinks it's seizures? Sheesh I am SO frustrated! Thank you for your help though

You'd think he'd know if a seizure lasted 8 hours straight you would be dead. for a doctor he doesn't sound very smart...

Thank you Kaika, that's exactly what I was thinking. And of course when I came home to tell my husband this insane theory my husband says "So you think you know more than the doctor? Him completing 8 years of college and you with your GED?" (Granted I did get my GED because I was going through way too many emotional problems to finish school). That just urked me even more! I got so mad and I told him "You're tight it's perfectly normal for someone to have an 8 hour long seizure and walk away like nothing happened!" oh but he comes back with something better... Something that really ticked me off so I haven't talked to him since... He comes back saying "Seizures are more believable than 'little people' running around your head'"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Grr!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know he didn't mean it that ways but seriously?! I am so angry right now! How will I ever "accept" my alters and let them out if people tell me they aren't there and the people who know they are there want to get rid of the? grr!!!!!

I guess the reason why people who believe in DID want you to "fix" it is because that's what people go to them for. People go to them because they want to understand what's wrong with them and have it fixed (though they'll be disappointed to find out it doesn't fix anything for them but rather gives them the tools to fix it) well...that's my guess anyways. I get how you feel though I think I'd be awfully lonely if it was just me up here in my head. I'd have to make an imaginary friend or two just to have someone to talk to. I'd rather just get the people skills to live harmoniously even with quirks (except for my depression and anxiety issues...THOSE can go away...wouldn't miss them at all ).

Thank you for your reply again. I don't think I'm ready to know what happened during my blackouts but I don't want the did to go away it helps me feel less alone and now I'm afraid to trust any doc about it because I don't want them giving me meds or scaring her further away so I'm not sure if I'll continue my appointments yet. (sorry for the short response but I'm on my phone at the drive in) thanks for your reply and I hope you are doing well and take care!

Hi!
As you probably know, all the Dr.s we've seen are loosers too!
Alot of them don't belive in DID, but WE KNOW it's real, right! As long as you know the truth, people's opinions shouldn't matter!
I KNOW I'm a hypocrite, and I KNOW it's easier said than done....but We KNOW that Dr.s are potatos!

(Webber)Christine

Hi Kriss...

I hope I don't offend anyone here by what I'm about to say. It has been my opinion that there are only a limited few Psychiatrists that specialize in DID and those that don't....don't!!

Whether you feel like you want treatment for the DID at this time or not, I would first suggest making an appointment with a psychologist who specializes in Dissociative Disorders and do an interview with them along with some diagnostic (written) testing so that you may get an actual diagnosis of a DD if that is what you think it is. Once you have your diagnosis, then you can continue to see the Psychologist or find another specialist that would work with you on other issues. Even though you don't feel like you want to treat the DID at this point, it still affects your life and you will still need to manage it to keep it from getting out of control while dealing with other issues.

So....IMHO...find a specialist and let your p-doc manage your meds. You don't have too, but until you do, don't be surprised if you keep running into this kind of crap.

You didn't offend me at all BUT I have been diagnosed with DID already. I don't think I want anyone trying to help me manage the DID until I can get her out first... I don't want anyone messing this up and I have found no one who believes in DID and if they do they want to try and "cure" it. And I'm trying to find someone who specializes in it but I haven't yet. Thanks for your comment and you did make some good points!

(((((((((((Kriss9999))))))))))))) I'm so sorry you had such an invalidating experience with the psychiatrist. I can't imagine how hard that must have been. I hope you will be able to find someone else soon.

Thank you want! It's not that it was hard per say but it wasn't easy either. I know I have DID, but I am trying to get past the black outs and start remembering when they come out, and when people like that pdoc and my husband tell me DID isn't real or I don't have it, it seems to make my progress in accepting the alters fall back a little.

It would have been worse probably if he hadn't used the word "seizure" so many times and that as his excuse, but I KNOW they aren't seizures. So that helps that I can tell myself he's COMPLETELY wrong. But it still upsets me a bit.

I'm trying not to let it interfere with my acceptance but it's a little difficult. This is going to take MUCH longer for me than I had originally thought, especially when all the doctors I see only want to deny DID or want to "cure" it. I think for now, until I accept it and they come out of hiding, that I will put my t search on hold, I don't need anything to push them further away. I'm having a difficult time as it is.

Thanks again for the comment and the kind words! They are MUCH appreciated!
((((((((wanttoheal)))))))) TC!

Yes, I can understand that. It was such a hard diagnosis for me to believe in the first place. Having someone that should be well read and well knowledged say something like that would be very disconcerting. I already think I'm crazy sometimes (but I'm learning I'm not... well, not because of the DID anyway ).

Have you considered trying to find a therapist that specializes in DID?

I have been trying to find a new T but I can't seem to find any that specialize in DID that my insurance covers and when I talk to Ts on the phone and I tell them about it, they tell me "Oh we'll fix that" or "Oh don't worry I can help you get rid of that" and when I tell them I don't want to get rid of it, I want to help it get further along, that's when they get scared. It's quite frustrating and discouraging so I'm not sure if I'm going to continue the search right now. I told the pdoc I did NOT want antidepressants and that's exactly what he gave me, they just don't seem to listen and they don't think I know myself. I know I need help but I have been dealing with this for 18 years, I know what I want and I know what helps and doesn't. I don't have all the answers but I know more than they give me credit for.

When I was diagnosed with DID my T didn't even explain it to me at first. He didn't tell me what it was or anything, it took 8 months before he had given me ANY type of diagnosis and the day he did he gave them all to me... Not sure why he waited. Eventually after I brought it up with him again, (I saw the movie Identity and got worried) he explained it and said he wanted to try hypnotism to try and get them out. He's the ONLY T I have EVER met that has accepted my DID and not wanted to get rid of it. Most don't reject it but they think it's "dangerous" It's so frustrating, I wish I could find a T that specializes in it but the one I did find (by recommendation) said he couldn't help me and he wants to get rid of them.

Now if I do find a T I'm not sure how to go about finding one that specializes in DID. This is frustrating and that's for sure!

kris maybe thats whats throwing your doctors off. Most people with DID dont have to try to get their alters to come out. they do so automatically all through their life when ever they encounter something in their life that they cant handle. You trying so hard to force alter to come out might be making your doctors look for other reasons than having DID.

you also refusing to have anyone help you with the DID may also be turning bells and lightbulbs on for the doctors because people go to them for help in controling all the problems that come up with having DID.

Unless you work with them, they have to go on the assumption that you dont have DID even more so if you are refusing to let them try things that will rule out other things. like If you dont try the meds then all they can do is assume you dont have DID because medications is the first thing they use to rule in or out having DID. they know if you have DID your problems will get worse not better. they know there is no medication to cure and fix DID problems.

How about instead of fighting against your doctors you try to work along side them. That way they can do all their stuff that will rule out the possibility of other disorders and diseases.

Ive been there, every new doctor means new things to try and varify or rule out past diagnosises. The medications that they are going to try isnt going to do anything at all to the alters. It will be you not the alters taking the medication. theres different kinds of alters with DID. The ones that doctors look for that rule in DID are not affected by medication.

there is no medication to make DID go away. Theres no medication that will make alters go away. There is no medication to make DID alters not come out.

if anything the medications they will be giving you usually make alters come out more because they make you more dissociative. while you are on medications your doctors will be able to see these alters coming out and they can talk with them.

Since your objective is to get one of your alters to come out more you being on medications will do the trick by medicating you not the alter into medication induced dissociation.

Pardon me for asking...but who is "her" kris? I have been reading your posts but obviously I have missed some important things.
I have been dx'd with DID since 1994 and I was fortunate to find a pdoc who not only specialized in DD but was on the forefront of a lot of the research that was going on in the late '80's regarding alters and pro******g and ways to help clients. She flat out said psych meds don't work for people with DID, medications that help with some of the other issues like depression and anxiety she believes to be helpful if one is suffering from those. And she even uses those very sparingly. She never used the word "cure" in all the years I have known her. She still does my meds but her colleague who works with her is now my T. We get along very well but being so experienced in working with people who have alters neither of them takes any shenanegans from me or my alters. Sometimes we don't like what they suggest but over the years have found it to be very useful in life. I hope the new T you wrote about will have an opening soon.

Thinking about you and caring,

Amanda, after reading your post, you reminded me of something. The last time I can remember the others trying to come out was when I was on medication. I was on Lithium, and not only did it help AMAZINGLY with my mood swings, it also helped to bring them to me.

Before they would come out and I would ALWAYS black out, whether it was for 2 minutes or 8 hours, I would vanish from the world. NOW as of today, I did not black out both times she came out.

I understand what you are saying about why the doctors may look for some other reason but most of the time they count out DIDs before even talking to me. Most of the time they ask me on my very first visit what I have been diagnosed with and everything BUT bipolar and manic depression is crossed off their list, from the moment they see or speak to me. They do not take the time to know the situation at all. A few Ts have agreed that I have DID, and the one who diagnosed me with it was the T I saw the longest out of all of them. (Boy do I miss him... He wanted to help me)

The reason I am so worried about Ts trying to "help" me with my DID is because the Ts that I have spoken to recently haven't wanted to help me, but to try and fix me. I am worried that they will try to mess with this head enough to scare them away for good and we have made so much progress I do not want to go back to the way things used to be. I do not want to go back to the blackouts and I do not want them to vanish on me.

No two "cases" of DID are the same, they just have the same qualities and ground "rules" (probably not the correct word) so I am aware that my situation is much different than the rest, as is everyone elses. No two minds are the same and no two DIDs are the same.

DHL... The she that I was referring to is Becky... Up until last week I assumed that she was the only one. Than I found out about the man. And today I found out that there are 12 total. So now instead of she I will be using they or us. A woman came out today twice, the same woman. Unfortunately and oddly enough, when trying to get her name all she would say is "I don't know" this could however explain why sometimes I have moments where I don't know my name and my past doesn't seem like it happened to me, or maybe I'm just making up excuses for myself on that one

She answered other questions and we have learned a lot today but I still do not know who she is. I'm just very thankful to have gotten some answers and not to have blacked out! Thanks both of you for your comments they are appreciated!

its fantastic how fast you are moving through the process. you went from having black outs every time to having no black outs like over night without a therapist helping you to gain that control. it took me 15 years of therapy to get to the point of staying aware when my alters came out. At this speed you wont need a therapist by the time the new one has an opening for you. keep up the great work.

maybe you can ask your therapist for an offical evaluation with a psychiatrist/psychologist (they're the only ones that can give the offical diagnosis testing) that way once you have all the medical and psychological testing done no matter who you see and no matter why you have to see your doctors in the future, the DID will be offically on the filesand like the bipolar/manic depression it will stay prermantly a part of your medical and psychological files. It could save alot of problems in the future for you. I know it getting the offical medical/psychological evaluation for dissociative disorders done was extremely helpful in battering down all the red tape and hassles for me. Its a long process and loads of tests but its well worth it.

Thank you again for your post... I know it's good that they came out with me being aware, unfortunately they haven't come out again since yesterday but I will take any kind of progress with a smile so I'm very happy about yesterday.

I have had all of the testing and whatnot done when I was much younger and was diagnosed with DID, this is why right now I am trying to get a copy of my medical records from then, well one of the reasons. Only problem is the old T doesn't like to answer his phone. I'm hoping he has all of the records from my sessions with him and my sessions with the pdoc (not likely I know) since the pdoc moved and I'm not sure where he went.

Thanks for your comment! I really appreciate it! Tkae care (sorry for a shorter response but I just woke up and am rather tired! TC!

I just spoke to my old T who diagnosed me with DID. It actually made me feel comforted. He remembered me, (not at first... He said my name sounded familiar but once I told him about the DID and when it started he remembered me) he was so nice, we talked about all kinds of things and he told me if this new T doesn't work he would love to be my T again, but over the phone since he's in Florida and I'm in Colorado.

He also explained that when they are trying to diagnose people, that seizures are one of the first things to pop into a doctors head when they hear of blackouts and to not be discouraged by the pdoc because he didn't know the details of my situation. I told him that I began to question the DID because of all of the bad things I have heard about it, the way the doctors want to "cure" it and the way some of the Ts rule it out within the first couple seconds of meeting me.

He assured me that it is DID that I have and the reason the other Ts have ruled it out so quickly is because it is so rare and they don't know the details, but if they were to know the details that they wouldn't rule it out so quickly and would probably eventually admit to it.

I'm still trying to get my medical records, my old T moved to his own practice in 2005 (I saw him in 2003) and he left his records with the office if he wasn't still seeing the patient so he no longer had them. The T who took all of the records when HE left had them so I talked to him and he said he would check in their shed (since he is retired now) today or tomorrow and let me know if he does have them. But if he does of course it wont be that easy. He's going to need a signed release form from me. Yay lol...

Anyways I am feeling pretty good right now just talking to my old T. I forgot how wonderful he was! I wish I wasn't so ignorant and ran away last time. Oh well...

Just wanted to let everyone know the update I guess you would call it! Thanks all and take care!

{hugs Kris} I'm glad you got to talk to your old T. I hope you continue your progress at discovering who you are.

I AM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW... Oh my gosh!!!!!!! Not only did I get to talk to my old T today but the new t who has a lot of experience with DID called me back, she has an opening for next Tuesday!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY! I also got a phone call from another t that I called last week who said that she knows of a social worker who specializes in DID. So if the first t doesn't work I can go to the social worker and if she doesn't work I will have my old T!!!!!!!!!!!!

Things are looking up and I am getting my hope back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so excited! Just hope my records from the hospital and the old T are here by Tuesday!

Woah .......LOL!!! Easy there skippy!!!

Amandalouise ~ I think you may be putting the cart before the horse on that one. This is not an attack, and maybe you were just joking around but I'm not sure. You of all people should know that DID does not spontaneously get better, or even really go into remission. The dissociation and coming out of alters can wax and wane, depending on life stressors, but it doesn't just resolve on it's own. Of course she will need the support of a T. And I don't think it's a good idea to suggest that she wouldn't. Just MHO.

Kris...I'm glad you have found a couple T's that you can go to. It's important to have one who can help you see things from all angles and can be a member of your support team.

You sound so excited? I don't really understand this, I guess. When I was looking for a T to help me and looking at having to start over with a new T, I was terrified!! I still am. I did and do feel some relief, having been diagnosed, but I couldn't really call it excitement.

I wish you the best and I hope you keep us posted on your progress. Just remember, everyone's dissociative experiences, although they may share similarities, are different and everyone responds to treatment/management differently as well. What worked for one person will not necessarily be the right method for another. Like meds...I am on SNRI's and Anti-Anxiety medication ~ I have been for a long time. These meds do not cause me to dissociate anymore than I ever did. In fact, they help me manage the underlying depression and anxiety that comes along with my DID/C-PTSD and they make life a lot more bearable. So, although it's true that there are no medications that can cure or fix DID, there are medications that can help treat/manage the co-morbid symptoms and disorders. You just need to work with your T to figure out what methods are best for you and there can be a lot of trial and error.

I wish you the best!!

I feel with all of the feedback I have been getting from my threads that people do not understand me and some do not believe that I have DID. I WAS officially diagnosed in 2003 and can not WAIT to get the medical records so I no longer have to try and convince Ts on my own, so they will see it in writing...

I do not want the "symptoms" of DID to increase or whatever you want to call it. I want my "alters" I want the other people in my head to come out more without me blacking out. I want them to stay. Even though people say there is no cure for it, I am afraid that this is a lie and the Ts will try to "cure" me as some have said. I am excited to see the new T because she said she wouldn't try to do that and would never dream of trying to get rid of them but will help me to "further it along" and stop the blackouts completely in time.

I want to keep them here. I don't want to get rid of them. I believe they are real and they have helped me in so many ways and do on a daily basis, even when they are not out, and I could never dream of getting rid of anyone who has stuck by me this long. They help me to feel less alone, they help me to feel like someone has accepted me even though they know the darkness that hides inside of me.

You can say what you will about me and DID but the fact is that I do have it, and only recently have finally excepted it. When I was first diagnosed my mom went out and bought a movie called "Identity" which is a movie about a man with DID... This movie frightened me and for years I refused to believe that what lived inside of him lived inside of me as well. Until I came on here and began my research, I didn't want to believe I had it. I always knew that I did, but I would try and make excuses for not having it.

I am thankful for DID in so many ways. They have saved my life because I know if I hadn't blacked out those many times that I would not have been able to stay alive.

I am excited to meet this new T because now that I accept the fact that I have DID, I need to learn as much as I can, and need to get past this phase I have been at for 18 years. I need to learn how to let them out when they want out, I need to learn to stay somewhat conscious every time they come out.

I know that everyones dissociation is different, that no two are alike. To think that DID had to be text book and exact is an irrational thought because no two minds are alike. Maybe this is why people have such a hard time accepting DID, because it is not all or nothing. My basic symptoms match it perfectly but there are things about me that are like no other. As in everyone with DID.

If you are confused about something I say, since I don't always word things correctly, please feel free to ask me in a nice way and I will explain it.

Thank you for anyone who has read this thread and replied and thank you Elysium for your kind reply. I hope you all are well and I will be sure to keep this updated.

Kris

Kris....

Alters ARE the symptoms of DID. You say you don't want the symptoms to "get worse", but if you don't work to manage the DID your system can/will most likely continue to run amuck. Just because you are not blacking out right now, does not mean that this part of the disorder is over and can't/won't come back.

I am also grateful for my alters and my system. They saved my life. Although DID/DDNOS exists on a continuum (it is kind of like a snowflake; there is a general snowflake structure and format, but not one is identical) the most important thing to remember about the alters is that in "clinical DID", meaning the scientifically understood description of the disorder, alters are fragments, or pieces of your own identity that have taken on their own more distinctive individual characteristics of their own. The scientific understanding that has been agreed upon in the mental health community states that NO ONE has one complete identity, but that people with DID/DDNOS have their identity more fragmented than someone who does not have DID/DDNOS.

I am not debating whether you have DID or not. I have not seen your test/interview results and I am not your T. But the majority of the people that experience the traditional forms of DID do not and can not control WHEN or WHERE their alters come out. DID is not like going to your closet and deciding which outfit you want to wear for the day. It is a process that exists on a more sub-conscious level that when treated appropriately can come closer to the surface and be better understood by the person experiencing it.

The goal in living and managing DID is for the system to come to realize that they are all fragmented pieces of one identity and to help them live a more cohesive and less broken up life and keep the host personality in the here and now. The goal is not to encourage further splitting or further straying from reality based thinking.

By refusing to move toward accepting the structure of the scientific hypotheses of DID, you are choosing to stay sick. If this is what you want, then you are on the right track, but if your goal is to move forward and live a more together and less broken up life then it might benefit you more by working with your T's, as opposed to against them.

DID is NOT a choice. It doesn't work that way. You don't just flip a switch and decide you want to wear the ruby slippers versus the fuzzy slippers.

(My opinion ~ I'm not asking you to agree, and I'm not asking you to like it)