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I am so sorry that you’re going through this. Unfortunately we cannot control the actions of others.
Hiding your depression is not unique. I was well aware of my symptoms and what was wrong with me and I KNEW I needed medication. I’d been on it before but I just didn’t know how to bring it up with my doctor. She was a women I knew and trusted and still I could not bring myself to tell her I just can’t deal with this anymore on my own, I need help. So I decided that I would request the form of Wellbutrin that they use to help people quit smoking knowing full well that my insurance would not cover it for that purpose. My pharmacist called her and explained the situation telling her she’d have to write it “differently”. She asked me to come back into her office. Once there she explained to me that she could not place such a stigma in my medical records in good conscious, once it’s there, it’s there for good. (Apparently not as I have been on and off antidepressants since my teen years.) Instead of taking this opportunity to discuss the real situation, I just felt foolish and left. This lead to a very dark point in my life.
I cannot recommend talking to a medical professional strongly enough. The doctor that I eventually did seek help from in this area explained it to me this way. Each time you experience one of these depressions, they become deeper and harder to spring back from on your own. If you factor in a traumatic, event like the death of a loved one, you just dig yourself further and further into a hole. There is help available out there for you, please make use of it.
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I've been married for 24 years and have four wonderful children.
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