Need Some Honest Opinions

(((((((((((Josie)))))))))))

Have you heard anything from your "friends"?

How are you doing today?

Again--CONGRATS ON ALL YOU'VE DONE SO FAR IN FIGHTING YOUR DEPRESSION!!!!

Keep posting and letting us know how the 'fight' is going!

They have all rejected me. The Jeremy Brett Memorial Walk is a sham. I am so sorry to have to have said that. One friend even said i dissocial personality disorder criteria. The hell i do. No words can describe how ill, hurt and low i am right now. No words. I have been shaking so much in the last few hours.

I am soooooo sorry! Rejection like that is painful and you did nothing to deserve that. You need no words just yet. Please know that you are cared for here. For the shakes, would it help you to walk? Don't know you and don't want to give advice, just asking. I wish I could be there IRL to at least give you a hug. It sounds like you need one.

(((((((((((JOSIE))))))))))))

I'm so sorry you have been so badly treated.
Please keep posting. Please keep confiding in your T. Do you ever call her inbetween sessions? Maybe this would be a good time to do that.

Here are some hugs...

I'm so sorry they hurt you so badly, Josie. Please know that we all care about you here.

Thank you. I had to take the horrid step of blocking off my instant messaging, block them from e mailing me, stuff like that. I just canniot handle any more fromm them. It hurts me to do this. I loved them so much but there is a line to be drawn in the sand. I allowed myself to let my barriers down and let myself allow them to come too close to me. Stupid me.

It's a new start. You will find friends who support you. Eight years ago, my siblings were doing the same thing, and I was so programmed to "be nice" that my shrink had to give me permission to unplug my phone! And it did hurt to do it. But like you said: "There is a line to be drawn in the sand." There comes a point where you just have to look for something better, for a better way to live, for more compassionate words both inside and outside your head.

You're doing great, (((((Josie))))). You can't leave the front door wide open or even the front gate and allow people to just come in and trample your life. You choose who comes in, and when, and when it's time for them to leave. It's hard at first, but you'll get the hang of it.

I am so sorry that you’re going through this. Unfortunately we cannot control the actions of others.

Hiding your depression is not unique. I was well aware of my symptoms and what was wrong with me and I KNEW I needed medication. I’d been on it before but I just didn’t know how to bring it up with my doctor. She was a women I knew and trusted and still I could not bring myself to tell her I just can’t deal with this anymore on my own, I need help. So I decided that I would request the form of Wellbutrin that they use to help people quit smoking knowing full well that my insurance would not cover it for that purpose. My pharmacist called her and explained the situation telling her she’d have to write it “differently”. She asked me to come back into her office. Once there she explained to me that she could not place such a stigma in my medical records in good conscious, once it’s there, it’s there for good. (Apparently not as I have been on and off antidepressants since my teen years.) Instead of taking this opportunity to discuss the real situation, I just felt foolish and left. This lead to a very dark point in my life.

I cannot recommend talking to a medical professional strongly enough. The doctor that I eventually did seek help from in this area explained it to me this way. Each time you experience one of these depressions, they become deeper and harder to spring back from on your own. If you factor in a traumatic, event like the death of a loved one, you just dig yourself further and further into a hole. There is help available out there for you, please make use of it.

Thanks everyone. What hurts me is they continue to accuse me of abusing their own mental health issues (bipolar) and then accuse me of lying about my depression which i have fought on and off for 20 years !! Which i hid from everyone!!
Well last night i went out for a meal and did enjoy myself, far too much wine lol! But that blasted black cloud is slow to lift but it is at least lifting ! I guess it will take time to finally go away. I do feel though that i am moving on or beginning to after a week of hell. Finally. Exercise will do me good too. Am resting today but will be walking soon. That will help i am sure. Spending the day in bed does not help ! I need to get active again and get back to doing things i enjoy ! Blocking them off i think is a start. To think i had two of them stay with me in my home as well. How stupid could i have been ! I only gave love. They repaid me with hell !!

Thank you to everyone who i dont even know who has stood by me !! That has helped ernormously !! (hey i like these icons !! )

On a postive note i got a first class choo choo ticket to London !! Gonna travel in style. And why not i think i deserve a treat once in a while !!

Onwards And Upwards !!

Well i am talking to a counsellor, who thank God beleived me and is shocked at what has happened. I will have another session or two with her as i have only just "come out" for want of a better word. But i am comming to terms with comming out about my depression. Maybe the counsellor will recommend treatment. But if not i will see my GP and discuss maybe some mild antidepressants? God this sounds crazy but i no nothing about the type of medications that are available. YIKES !! I have a lot of studying to do i guess !

Sounds like you are feeling a bit better. I am so glad!

Broke down in tears again this afternoon when i discovered that two of the "friends" had unsubscribed from my videos and defriended me on You Tube. I loved their videos, they were so brilliantly done. How low can one get eh? So i texted an angry message to one of the people in question as after all i had her stay at my house. So you can see why i was upset. I feel used abused and emotionally raped by these people. I will get over this. It is just going to take some time.

Thank you. Had a relapse of sorts this afternoon as you can see from my post. Just as i was beginning to pick myself up as well. Oh well i shall have to move on and pick myself up off the floor again. I know i can. But why are people so cruel. I feel emotionally raped !

(((((((((((Josie)))))))))))

I'm so sorry you keep having to take these people's abuse. Try not to take it personally. It sounds like they all have a BIG problem. Not sure what it is, but I'll bet it hasn't anything to do with you personally. Does that make sense?

Mainly, I just want to say I'm sorry you are hurting so much.

((((Josie Sullivan)))) Being angry will not help anything. If you are looking to have your friends understand. Send them a link to a depression site or something, not an angry text. Maybe they will read something about depression and understand what you are going through. Just an idea. Hope you get to feeling better soon. hugs for your day.