I broke all the promises I made to myself and I went to my dance class....there it is...he's coming to the class late with that girl....
I felt my heart is getting ripped off....but I didn't have a choice rather than accepting it....
She was so plain, so simple, no curve, nothing....with a flat chest....with per of glasses! ( I didn't have anything against of her or him!)
but I was upset, thinking that I'm still thinking about him and not moving on...while he's totally happy with the new girl....I don't think he was into her at all....no spark between them....nothing....
I know I didn't persuade him and I know I wanted him to be out of my life although I let him to get the charge of dumping me in a worse scenario ever....(not calling me at all)....I know all because I was afraid to catch his STD!!!! and thank god, I've been tested and I'm clean....
But what is this attachment? why am I so upset? why am I missing him? why I can't go out with other guys?
well...yesterday, I put an effort and I return one guys' phone call after couple of days....I think that's a good start....
I can't stop myself being sad and desperate....not sure, what to do really? how can I get rid of my neediness and my sadness....can't remember when was the last time, I was really happy....I know everybody tells me to choose happiness....but how? how can I get rid of all these negative thoughts and sadness? how? is there anybody out there who has done it and can show me the way?
I hate the fact that I can't concentrate.....I'm so smart, but I'm losing my focus every day more and more....it's like falling down the drain...
thanks for reading my thread.....
Marjan