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VickiesPath · Sep 16, 2009, 09:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lost71

This is where I fail with every bf. I got no problem talking openly with guys but bf's are another matter. I tend to bottle things up with a bf. Till my gasket blows or things fall apart. Maybe I should learn to write things down in relationships and hand it to over to be read when I'm not there.

Thanks for this advice though, it's all useful insight.

The difference is intimacy. With guy friends, there's an unspoken boundry. There's a bumper. But with a bf, you have the additional intimacy factor and for those of us who have issues, trouble with intimacy is not unusual. We are vulnerable in a way that we don't share with our friends. It is scarey. My hubby has always told me I keep things bottled up. For a very long time, I denied it. It's only been in the past two years that I truly can see it and have actively been working to improve it. With me, I had many, many years where I learned not to trust. And I paid dearly because of it.

If you take things slowly and share with bf how hard it is, perhaps it will get better.

Also: just because you and bf have an exclusive relationship, that won't stop you caring for another person. It is only human. Part of being an adult and learning how to have adult relationships is the committment part. I have heard people say, I may be married but I'm not dead. Naturally, you are going to meet guys who you care about. But because you and bf have agreed to be exclusive, it's an honor thing. Sometimes that's what it comes down to. I know it's easier said than done but don't be so hard on yourself for having feelings or for caring. If you meet someone who you feel really strongly about, then it's time to search your soul and decide what you need to do about it. But don't put yourself down just because you feel something. It's what you do that's important.