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lynn09 · Sep 27, 2009, 05:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zen888

I think my difficulties are fears of different social situations. How should I behave? How should I react to people I meet? Should I use my sense of humour that some people don't understand (some ppl take me too literally when I make a joke)? Can I force myself to appear exterverted? Will I forget my manners because I am so nervous? Will I be boring? What if I have nothing interesting to say? What if there is a pregnant pause in the conversation?

First, just relax (((((Zen)))). Next - you are not there (in social situations) to perform or to entertain others. It sounds to me like you are so focused on trying to make people "like" you that you feel you have to do something or be someone other than who you are. Relax. Take the spotlight off yourself and shine it on others. Focus more on drawing others out and listening to what they have to say about themselves - more people than you know are uncomfortable in social situations - focus on making them feel comfortable and welcome. Believe me, you will feel much more relaxed if you are not imagining yourself to be under a microscope. Divert the attention away from yourself. Here's a little secret - a good listener is never considered "boring" or "inappropriate." Don't demand so much of yourself. If there is an uncomfortable "pregnant pause," ask someone a question about themselves - their interests - their occupation - you are not soley responsible for maintaining conversation. No need for you to do anything to appear extroverted. Relax - breathe - simply be in the moment - focus on others rather than worrying about how you appear to them. View each social encounter as an opportunity to practice and develop these skills - it truly can help drastically reduce the anticipatory anxiety you experience prior to the social interaction and you may find yourself actually looking forward to more opportunities to socialize with others. Hope this helps. Please let us know how it goes.