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PurpleFlyingMonkeys · Oct 03, 2009, 08:22 AM

Thanks everyone for all of your replies. None of my threads have gotten so much positive (if you can call it that) feedback. For a while I thought everyone was against me on this site but now I think it was probably my emotions clouding my judgement. It's actually really nice to know that the pc family will be there for me even though I spend all day every day complaining about my situation. It helps me feel less alone.

I still plan to leave. Monday morning at 9 my friend is going to come over here to help me pack the car and she's going to also stand guard in case he comes home. If he comes home she will call the police only to have them come to help protect me in case he gets out of hand. I'm actually very thankful right now that he has started to become mean again. It's scary because the smallest things make him snap but good because as long as he keeps this up I wont hesitate to leave.

I just wish someone would have warned me how hard it was going to be and all of the emotions and mood swings I would be going through. But none the less I know it will be worth it in the end.

I keep telling myself that I have to do this for Alyssa and yet I still sometimes can't find the strength. I think I'm having a hard time with it because I know if I really admit to myself that this is a terrible place for her, that I will be angry with myself for staying in the first place and allowing her to see what she's already seen.

I will do this though... I tell people in here all the time, especially people with EDs... No matter what your heart and mind are telling you, YOU are the one in control of your body and all you have to do is take that first step. Make your legs move. That's what I will have to do. Ignor my heart and make my legs move. Once I'm out the door and on the road things will be much easier. I just have to take the first step. And the first step is the one I'm dreading the most.