(((((((((Berries))))))))I rememmber one time that I was told the brain forms neuron connections along lines of thought we tend to use the most. It sounds like your mind is just plain in a rut, dear. Even though you have proof that you aren't a fake, and that you are very much ill, your brain hasn't been able to change those tracks yet, and will go back to them because it's easier thn making new ones, sort of like cows.

Of course, depression and horrible comments from the past don't help, but see what you can do to find other thoughts to occupy your poor mind with. You're not faking, Berries. If you are, then we all are, and I don't buy that, dear, I just don't. "when you gonna love you the way that we do?" Hugs dear.