Dear Long Ways,

You may be able to turn this completely around. There would have to be some big, observable, positive changes in you that your GF could see.

Attitude is everything. It's the choices you make regarding your attitude every day. Show your GF & yourself the opposite attitude of laziness, tell her your thankfulness & gratitude when she was working to help you.
True, we cannot change the past... we cannot change the inevitable. It is said life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we REACT to it. And so it is with you... you are in charge of your wishes, dreams hopes & goals. Maybe it would be wise to let go of some - things, ppl, attitudes, behaviors - that have left you feeling so badly @ yourself. You have choices, it's all up to you.

All The Best,
Holmes