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Old Oct 23, 2009, 07:04 PM
Frankz Frankz is offline
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Member Since: May 2009
Posts: 94
Today. Was. Hell..Worse..

My mom has been taking methadone for about 10 years (why so long? I'm not sure..), for her addiction of heroin (the addiction ended about when she started). Well it just so happens that she decides to quit because her clinic won't detox her, apparently since she's a cash client (some are with healthcare), so why would they want to lose someone who is paying them? She also was having trouble with her bill, so that wasn't any help. She WANTED to go back, but had no money to do so. Well, she decided to quit. Cold Turkey..this was last weekend.

And today we ALL had a breakdown.

She claimed she would go pawn computer (that I'm on atm) and get the money to go back to her clinic. I'm really afraid for my mom..if she left I wouldn't want anything to happen to her. She *in my eyes* seems vulnerable for anything to happen. So? I sat a chair in front of the door and told her she either stays home or I go with her.

My grandad told her if she leaves she can't come back. He tried getting me out the chair & yelled (he's a big strong dude) so I got scared and jumped out, and he said he was going to move his truck for her to leave. It seemed as if she was going to go. I screamed.

I screamed like a TERROR scream, like those murdered-girl screams? Yeah. I said "Noo..." In a scream. I didn't want her to leave.

My grandad said they (as in me and my sister) could cry and yell all night but you can't come back. I began crying. HARD.

I screamed again. A few times actually. My mom saw me crying and just smacked her lips and went to her room. I sat on the kitchen floor for about 5-10 minutes crying.

I'm so mad..I've been happy about myself, friends, school, and everything.
I've been TRYING to help my mom..making her food (which, she doesn't eat much feeling the way she does) doing anything I can to help...and she keeps saying how she needs pain pills or she wants to go to the hospitol or how it hurts just SO BAD.

I understand she's in pain..and I sympathize her for that..but this was just..a breaking point..I can't take it.

I feel that if she leaves to get some sort of money, she'll be choosing it over me and my sister, which I know seems selfish, but because my grandad's serious, she WONT come back.

Just..you all send some good/positive vibes or prayers my way..please..

Have a good night.
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