So many people have said to me "how can you be so forgiving of your mother?" First, she was a disciplinarian. She was doing the only thing she knew how to do with a child who was impossible to deal with. Also, I have a view of the bigger picture now. My mother is dead. My personal beliefs are that my mother has crossed over and now knows what "the truth" was. I also sincerely believe that she has been here with me and has given me permission to explore, learn and put this issue to rest. My task is NOT to forgive her. I already did that. My job is to learn to love myself because I was NOT a bad child; I was a BIPOLAR child. And all those years I thought that I was a bad child, so bad that my own mother hated me, were what were wasted. I DID NOTHING WRONG. It wasn't my fault. That's' what I have to forgive.