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Heidu

Codependent Pattern

Behavior

Cares for others rather than self

Invested in being a helper

Inability to say No to requests for help

Drawn to people who need help. Tries to be savior of troubled people. Women Who Love Too Much.

May avoid doing anything that may make others feel uncomfortable

May try to keep peace between others, placater, go-between

Feels guilty for not doing enough to help others

Social Change Behavior
Burned-out activist who sacrifices for the cause

Feels responsible for solving world’s problems

Feels guilty for not doing enough to save the planet

Motivation/Core Issues

Responsibility for Others

Conditional valuing of caretaking behavior

Compensation for deficiency, attempt to get contact by caretaking, hope that people will give back

Origins

Parents shaped caretaking behavior toward siblings

Parent expected and trained child to take care of her, relied on child as confidant

The only value the child felt was through caretaking

Sibling or parent was in need

Parentified child

Child blamed for parent’s or family’s troubles

Opposite reaction to neglectful or depriving parent

Internalization of codependent parent

Statement

I care about people

Unconscious Thought

My only value comes from caring for others

Representations

Self: Caretaking, responsible for other’s happiness

Other: Inadequate, in need

Sees Others As

People to be taken care of

Healthy Capacities Blocked

Individuation, responsibility

Gender and Culture

More common in women, therapists

Part of traditional female conditioning

Activating Conditions

People who are in pain, difficulty, or need

People who are young, poor, emotionally disturbed, medically ill

The codependent person may even seek out such people

Taken from: http://www.earley.org/Patterns/codependent.htm

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.- Alexander Graham Bell