First off, I want to take this opportunity to apologize to Parker for last week. I havent even had the decentsy (sp) to pm or email you personally to explain what happened. I feel like a complete *** for not calling. My cell was dead and actually had no way to get in touch on that day but that didnt prevent me from calling the next day and explain. I am sorry parker. I feel like I didnt behave properly and I ask for your forgivness. Your friendship means alot to me and i do not want to hurt that in any way.


I have been having a hard time lately. I feel like a broken record. I have been taking things day by day and dealing with things as the happen. The last few nights have been pretty difficult. I havent been getting very much sleep. I woke up at 5 am yesterday and was in a complete panic. I had an overwhelming feeling of doom and death. I felt like I was going to die. The only thing that was running through my head was "I dont want to die". I dont know why I felt that way. I sat there for several minutes and worked through it, though my first instinct was to run. I didnt talk to hubby about it because it was way to early to wake him up.

I spoke with my lawyer. My ex's lawyer never served me the papers to appear in court for the visitation. My lawyer told me that she will handle everything so I guess i will just sit back and wait for her to handle it. I am so upset by this situation because it involves my kids and I am trying to protect them in every way I know how. I have to stop talking about this issue now because its making me a little anxious.

As far as the move goes, things are moving along. I received a call from my realtor yesterday afternoon saying that the settlement may have to be post-poned from monday to friday. He said he wont know for sure until Friday. He said that the lender for the buyer is swamped with end of month closings and hasnt gotten the paperwork finished yet but they are hoping that can be cleared up so we can proceed with a the monday settlement. I guess this crap happens. I havent experienced it personally but that has been causing me some anxiety also.

I have called the childrens schools in TX to see what paperwork and stuff I will need to enroll them in school there. That wasnt too bad. I also had to rent a storage facility because our house wont be ready until the end of August. It has rained there and has pushed back the construction about a week. That doesnt upset me that much though just getting things rapped up on this end is the worst I guess.

My mom and everyone are coming over on Saturday to help load the truck. I cant wait to see my mom. She has been calling me everyday. She even said that she will be flying out there to see me. Thats pretty big of her because she is deathly afraid of flying.

I guess that about raps it up for me. There are other minor things happening that I wont wright about at this time because my mind can barely process what I have already written.

I also just wanted to say that I miss all of you. I miss not being able to offer my support and that saddens me. I guess, if it makes a difference, please know that you all are on my mind even if you dont have a reply from me in a post. Take care all of you and I am hoping things will be back to some type of normalcy in about a month .

Love,

Jen