I was in therapy for 10 years and it did not help, I have been medicated since I was 15 years old and have been on over 25 different kinds of anti-depressants, mood stablizers, and bipolar medications. Yes, he and I have been together on and off for 12 years now, since I was 15 and he knows about my past in great detail. He understands the kinds of things I went through he and has even witnessed it first hand. I want to change and I have been trying very hard. I'm surrounded by my past everyday, I help care for my grandfather, the one who emotionally abused me my whole childhood, because he is in the late stages of Alzheimers. I'm always in constant contact with my father because of my younger half siblings. I can't get away from the past because I am surrounded by it. Growing up there was always fighting everyday, never any stability. My grandfather targeted me and my cousin as his source of emotional abuse. I'm actually not really bitter over it now but it really messed me up emotionally. My kids father has been mentally and emotionally abusive to me in the past but it was only after I started lying and cheating. Which I do not blame him, I take responsibility for that. I've been to several therapists, psychologist, and psychiatrist but none of it has ever helped me. I just don't want to mess things up again.