Ive been suffering from what they call dysthymia for over 10years. I used to be soo happy growing up but havent felt the same since I was 17. To make a long story short, I feel like I will never be happy. It is a dark cloud that is always over me. I cant get out of bed for days and even though I have supportive family and friends I feel sooo alone. I have tried all the anti-depressants in the world and some of them have worked, but only for a little bit then I build a resistance to it and they stop working. My psychiatrist is about to give up (he wont be the first, Ive had a Dr before tell me he cant help me anymore and told me I should go see someone else) and believes the only other option is shock therapy. My family thinks its crazy but Im open to hearing more about it. Right now, Im unemployed again and feel so helpless. I feel like I have no purpose in life. I just want to be happy, but it is like fighting a dark demon everyday. My last few jobs, I havent done well in but try so hard. My problem is attention to detail. I guess if I had a job I was good at, it would make me feel good. I have a college degree, am now 33 and still have no idea what I want to do in life. I am single and have no family of my own and see all my friends married and having children. This is where I feel like there is no purpose in life for me. Why am I here?
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> I guess I feel soo helpless now because medications dont work for me and there is no way I can not be on them. Off of them, is like putting me in a comatose state. I wouldnt be able to lift my head from my pillow. I guess Im just wondering if there is anyone else out there that have the same problem with medication and how they are coping. Ive of course thought of suicide, but wouldnt dare do it because I know it would kill my family and close friends. Im soo sooo sad and soo lost.