Feel sooo helpless

Ive been suffering from what they call dysthymia for over 10years. I used to be soo happy growing up but havent felt the same since I was 17. To make a long story short, I feel like I will never be happy. It is a dark cloud that is always over me. I cant get out of bed for days and even though I have supportive family and friends I feel sooo alone. I have tried all the anti-depressants in the world and some of them have worked, but only for a little bit then I build a resistance to it and they stop working. My psychiatrist is about to give up (he wont be the first, Ive had a Dr before tell me he cant help me anymore and told me I should go see someone else) and believes the only other option is shock therapy. My family thinks its crazy but Im open to hearing more about it. Right now, Im unemployed again and feel so helpless. I feel like I have no purpose in life. I just want to be happy, but it is like fighting a dark demon everyday. My last few jobs, I havent done well in but try so hard. My problem is attention to detail. I guess if I had a job I was good at, it would make me feel good. I have a college degree, am now 33 and still have no idea what I want to do in life. I am single and have no family of my own and see all my friends married and having children. This is where I feel like there is no purpose in life for me. Why am I here?
>
> I guess I feel soo helpless now because medications dont work for me and there is no way I can not be on them. Off of them, is like putting me in a comatose state. I wouldnt be able to lift my head from my pillow. I guess Im just wondering if there is anyone else out there that have the same problem with medication and how they are coping. Ive of course thought of suicide, but wouldnt dare do it because I know it would kill my family and close friends. Im soo sooo sad and soo lost.

Hello & Welcome, Helpless76! I think you're in the right place.
I've not quite the same problem but similar. At best, my meds take the edge off my depression and limit the times I sink lowest. Years of meds and moderate therapy did not prevent my fall out of the workforce and entrance into disability. Nevertheless, adherence to my "regimen" and knowledge of what triggers me allows me an existence not totally devoid of interest.
This might not cure your dysthymia, but it certainly could go far to increase your quality of life. Given the duration and intractability of your illness, you may qualify for public programs to assist you to find such work. At least it's worth talking to an expert in such issues.

I wish you the best. I suspect you've got a lot more on your mind; here's a safe place to let things out.

(((Helpless76)))
So sorry you are going through this. Things will get better

Welcome to PC.

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time right now. Finding the right meds and dosage or treatment can be hard. Dysthymia can be really hard to fight since it never seems to go away. Have you tried therapy in addition to medication?

Hello, helpless. Several of the psychiatrists I have talked to brought up electro-shock therapy years ago. More recently, we also discussed Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS or rTMS). Now I see Deep Brain Stimulation (DBS) is another very new option.

Fortunately for me, I have been able to function at a level that made these last resort types of treatment contraindicated.

There is a lot of literature out there saying some good results have been obtained by introducing a current into your brain. Frankly I was not convinced. Nonetheless, more time has passed and apparently the risks are now better managed.

My suggestion is to get as educated as you can be about the procedures and get a number of opinions before making a decision. Good luck.

It is a guaranteed recipe for misery if you keep comparing yourself with all those well-adjusted nondepressed people you see around you every day. Like it or not, your path in life is different from theirs. Happiness may always be an elusive goal for you to pursue.

But you can seek to be the strongest, most resilient person that you can be. Set goals for yourself that will be meaningful for you even if they wouldn't be for anyone else.

There are a lot of mediocre doctors and therapists out there and you've already met a few. Don't let their failure be your failure.

So many words of wisdom already, I'll simply pitch in with a Welcome and Huggs! I hope you find support and company of sorts here.