I guess its the work on past abuse and how I feel about myself. I have flashbacks of my mother and it is really disturbing me to the point where I couldnt go back to sleep this morning. I got up and did a million things in the house and then a million things were frustrating me. I sweet moments with my kids and then I got upset/angry quickly. I feel like at any moment I can fall off the edge.

I had another tantrum and my son (my almost 11 yr old) got very sad. I feel awful. How can I act like this? I told him it wasnt his fault, he did nothing wrong. I feel like I need to be locked away somewhere because I am out of control. Im assuming it is because of what has come up this week from reading the letter to ftt, but it doesnt connect in my mind for me, I just feel "irritable" and self-destructive.

Ugh! I love my children so much, they deserve better. I just want to make it up to them all day, until the next out of control moment