splitimage....I'm so sorry to hear about the struggle you are going through. That is definitely a tough situation to be in. I had a very similar situation when my stepfather died. I did end up going up when he died, but only for my mother. If she wouldn't have needed me so much, I would have never went. Society does seem to dictate much of many of our lives, but don't feel bad about not wanting to go, and don't do it just because you feel obligated. There seem to be ligitimate reasons why you resent her, and if you feel it would be better for you to go and maybe get some closure, then by all means do it. But if you feel it will only cause you to do things that are harmful to you, don't put yourself through it. Best of luck with your decision